BRAINPAN LEAKAGE

In the past I’ve waxed poetic about BLAM (Blog Spam) that shows up in my filter. Rather than bore you with all of that biz yet again, I’m simply going to share with you some of my recent favorites.

Email addresses, IP’s, and weblinks have been removed. Not to protect anyone. I just don’t want the idiots getting a backlink from me and showing up higher in the search engines…

Jillian Malnar
2010/09/18 at 8:56 pm

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This was tagged to It Must Be A Yankee Thing… I can only assume that  “Jillian” resides North of the Mason-Dixon, given that I managed to incite her to spam me.

Merrell Shoes
2010/09/18 at 5:37 pm

Finding the best pair of new shoes can be difficult due to the huge number of different pairs of shoes available to buy today. That’s why I almost always look at a huge variety of different pairs before buying.

At least this one had something to do with shoes since it was tagged to Lackey Gotz A New Pair ‘O Shooz… Unfortunately, I think maybe “Merrell” has a bad case of self-defeating logic going on there…

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2010/09/18 at 2:57 pm

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Tagged to The Language Of Food… I’ve read this one about 67 times now. All I can think of to say is, “What?” O_o

thermo blackx
2010/09/17 at 3:25 am

you might want to invest in a good spam blocker for this site as it seems it has been hammered to death with spam

Not sure why this one was tagged to The Idiot’s Guide To Koran Burning… Suffice it to say, apparently my spam blocker is working just fine “Thermo”

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2010/09/16 at 4:01 am

I absolutely enjoyed reading your blog and rest it both illuminating and interesting. I importune be steadfast to bookmark it and bull-whip it as again as I can.

Yo, Cap’n… The post you commented on was The “It” Effect… Not the E K Effect. Believe me, you wouldn’t be importuning steadfast bookmarked anything if the evil redhead got hold of you with a bullwhip. (Yes. She not only owns two of them, she is damn near proficient enough with them to snap the nads off a blowfly with one. Srsly.)

Build Solar Panel
2010/09/16 at 12:23 am

Elvis was the greatest vocalist that ever existed. I love all his songs.

Driving In Saint Louis… Probably would have made more sense if we were driving in Memphis, but what the hell… And, “Greatest Vocalist”? Well… I don’t know about that, but he sure knew his shit when it came to peanut butter and banana sammiches.

Mauricio Kolacki
2010/09/14 at 5:33 am

Hi, I apologize for enquiring this enquiry here, but I couldn’t find a contact form or something so I assumed I could I leave my enquiry here. I run a blogengine blog but I am receiving large amounts of spam. I see u use wordpress, is it uncomplicated to control spam with wordpress or doesn’t it make any difference? I hope you will respond to my comment or maybe send me an email with your answer if you don’t want to approve the comment. Best regards, Annie

Oddly appropriate that this was tagged to I Do Not Think It Means… After all, she just keeps using that word…

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2010/09/14 at 1:09 am

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Tagged to It’s A Conspiracy I Tell You… Yeah. It keeps me insane too.

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2010/09/13 at 12:23 pm

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Tagged to Rowan Gant Investigations E-Books… Here’s a buck. Go buy yourself a soda.

Matthew C. Kriner
2010/09/13 at 5:04 am

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Tagged to Who Is This, And How Did You Get In My Computer? PART 1. Me, not so much. I unchecked the correct box for E K…

Dominatrix
2010/09/08 at 10:52 am

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Tagged to Coming Soon To A Blog Near You… Tell ya’ what. How about if I just post a bunch of pictures of E K. Trust me, you’ll get plenty of “Domina” from them.

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2010/09/06 at 1:04 am

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Tagged to Mahwage: Love At First Sight… Precisely at least? Dude, you should have posted this one on I Do Not Think It Means…

WOW Gold Guide
2010/09/19 at 11:17 pm

Could used friends tell me more about it?

Tagged to E K Is A Real Pain In My Ass… We’re talking about the Evil Redhead here “Goldie”… Those would be used and abused friends…

Electronic Cigarettes
2010/09/20 at 7:51 am

I like this website and it has given me a bit of desire to succeed, so keep up the good work. =)

Tagged to E K Is A Real Pain In My Ass… Again, we’re talking Evil Redhead. She’s a pretty good motivator, especially when she pins things to your ass with a lapel pin.

And now, for my all time favorite. This was tagged to Where’s The Fork? and I almost went ahead and approved it to post simply because the opening sentence is so damned creative… Unfortunately, it just sort of falls apart after that…

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2010/09/04 at 2:28 am

I’m currently being held for ransom by the Chinese mafia -xmas, christmas, santa- and being forced to post spam comments on everywhere! If you wont approve this they will eat me. -jingle bells, christmas music- They are coming back now. -one horse open sleigh, christmas gifts, christmas music- Please call someone! -xmas jokes, christmas morning, christmas carol- 🙂 but seriously, just trying to make a buck and help others in the process. Help me help you and your audience by taking a gander at a great way to get paid for taking online surveys and make a few bucks for this upcoming Christmas season. Hope this one was at least a bit entertaining. Original credit to a much more original marketer than myself.Best thing I’ve found as of late!

More to come…

Murv

I’m going to break my own rule again. Yeah, for real…

No, I’m not going to defy The Evil Redhead. That’s not “breaking a rule,” that’s “committing suicide.” Really. Just try it and see what happens.

So… Anyway… Back to breaking that rule. As you all know I despise writing about writing. I’m not even a big fan of writing about being an author. That’s what the book writing thing is all about. This, on the other hand, is my shot at being a humor columnist for a major metropolitan newspaper. Not that any major metropolitan newspapers are taking notice, mind you…

Yeah… That’s the rule I’m going to break. Well… Bend, more or less. I’m going to write about writing. Or more specifically, about what happens when you’ve written something and it gets published.

You see, there’s this thing in the industry called BSSP. That stands for Blatant Shameless Self-Promotion.  Now this differs a bit from SP, which is just Self-Promotion. Why? Because those of us who engage in SP are ashamed. Well, not really. But we DO make it a point to show restraint, courtesy, and manners. Self-promotion is necessary. However, being like a cracked up used car salesman about it is not.

Allow me to give you an example…

Let’s say I’m having a conversation with someone:

Random Person says: “I had a really great corned beef sandwich at Bob’s Deli the other day.”

Murv says: “Never been there. I’ll have to take EK. She really loves corned beef.”

Now, let us imagine this conversation with a new author who has been bitten by the BSSP bug:

Random Person says: “I had a really great corned beef sandwich at Bob’s Deli the other day.”

BSSP Newbie says: “Well, since you like corned beef then you would love my new novel, The Pickling Brine Murders, because my main character Lazarus Q. Ladysmith always has corned beef sandwiches for lunch.”

Believe it or not, while the book and character name have been changed, the above example is NOT an exaggeration. Yes. Not only did it happen, but this sort of thing happens all the time.

Now I’ll be honest. We were all new once. I’m sure I did some self-promoting that toed that line just a bit – although I can guarantee you I was never as bad as the example. Fortunately, I settled down pretty quickly. Like I said before, self-promotion is a necessary evil. But if you pay attention you discover that you can be much more effective by selling yourself – not the book. Once you’ve done that, folks will generally buy your book. If you keep being an idiot, however, they will not only NOT buy your book, they will tell everyone they know to NOT buy it as well.

So… Why is this blog entry called “This Space NOT For Rent”?

Simple. The BSSP is happening all over the social networking sites too. On the FB Wall, on the Myspace Comments. It is running rampant. Just the other day I received a friend request from another author I’d never met and didn’t know from Eve. I approved it, no biggie. Less than 24 hours later a post appeared on my wall. It said, “Congratulations on your success! You deserve it!” I found these opening sentences a bit odd, because since we didn’t know one another she had no clue whether I deserved my successes or not. For all she knew I could be a complete ass.

In fact, I guess I am a complete ass because I removed the post and deleted her as a friend. Why? Because as I said, that was just the opening two sentences. The rest of her post contained several paragraphs about her new book along with links to the places where I could buy it. There was even a picture of the book cover.

Sorry honey. I am not a billboard company. This space not for rent…

More to come…

Murv