BRAINPAN LEAKAGE

I am powerful busy right now.

I have to cap off a manuscript and have it in by deadline on Tuesday. I have work to do in the garden. Family obligations. A honey-do list as long as the Missouri Revised Statutes A-Z Unabridged… And about 72,000 other sundry things to do before I get back in front of the keyboard and hammer out another manuscript that is due later this year.

What with this being a holiday weekend, one would think I’d be relaxing. But no… Too much to do, not enough time to do it.

But that got me to thinking. I know, dangerous. I agree. But it happens every now and then. What’s really scary is that it only tangentially relates to the litany above…

So, this thinking… You see, I recently presented my ethics workshop at PUF, and then ended up in a discussion with Missus Loota-Chack (AKA – Anastasia “The A-Bomb”) about ethics. One of the things is that it all comes down to a set of rules. Sort of like those pirate guidelines, ya’know?

At any rate, we all need some rules to live by and that is what spurred my thinking. After much aspirin to quell the headache that ensued (from all that thinking) it finally dawned on me. A truly great philosopher of our day has already provided us with the necessary wisdom to successfully navigate this thing we call life. A simple set of rules that, when followed, will keep you worry free and as close to bliss as any one person can truly hope to be.

I would like to impart those rules to you now…

Ya can’t roller skate in a buffalo herd
Ya can’t roller skate in a buffalo herd
Ya can’t roller skate in a buffalo herd
But you can be happy if you’ve a mind to

Ya can’t take a shower in a parakeet cage
Ya can’t take a shower in a parakeet cage
Ya can’t take a shower in a parakeet cage
But you can be happy if you’ve a mind to

All ya gotta do is put your mind to it
Knuckle down, buckle down, do it, do it, do it

Well, ya can’t go a-swimmin’ in a baseball pool
Ya can’t go swimmin’ in a baseball pool
Ya can’t go swimmin’ in a baseball pool
But you can be happy if you’ve a mind to

Ya can’t change film with a kid on your back
Ya can’t change film with a kid on your back
Ya can’t change film with a kid on your back
But you can be happy if you’ve a mind to

Ya can’t drive around with a tiger in your car
Ya can’t drive around with a tiger in your car
Ya can’t drive around with a tiger in your car
But you can be happy if you’ve a mind to

All ya gotta do is put your mind to it
Knuckle down, buckle down do it, do it, do it

Well, ya can’t roller skate in a buffalo herd
Ya can’t roller skate in a buffalo herd
Ya can’t roller skate in a buffalo herd
But you can be happy if you’ve a mind to

Ya can’t go fishin’ in a watermelon patch
Ya can’t go fishin’ in a watermelon patch
Ya can’t go fishin’ in a watermelon patch
But you can be happy if you’ve a mind to

Ya can’t roller skate in a buffalo herd…

Roger Miller had it all figured out. There… Now go forth and be blissful… And leave your roller skates at home.

More to come…

Murv

I’ve got me a big old depression on, as well I should have.

You see, our TV is about 25 years old and the horizontal O/T is acting up, not to mention the focus divider is relatively unfocused, and color guns in the CRT are drifting into an acid trip of psychedelic haze. I mean, I love me some Stana Katic on the screen, but when she’s blurry and sorta bluish like those silly-ass Avatar aliens, well… Not my thing, yaknow?

What does that have to do with a line from a song? (Aphrodite’s Child – 666 for you young’ns who didn’t get the reference in the title.)

Well…. The Rapture, of course.  I was going to nab myself a free 50″ LED Flatscreen after folks went on up to heaven. I mean, what the heck? It’s not like they would be needing them anymore.

Of course, I guess I was being a little too honest.

“What?” you ask. “You were going to steal from Raptured Christians? How’s that being honest?”

Easy enough to answer yet again. Like I said, they weren’t going to need them anymore. Basically, I was being the honest and upstanding sort because I was waiting for the folks to be gone and not coming back. If that was the case then it would sort of be like finding some lost property, reporting it, and then waiting the appropriate amount of time for it to be claimed. When said claiming didn’t happen (or could be proven to have no chance of occurring – duh, rapture) it would be mine. Completely legal.

Had I been the dishonest sort I would have run an ad in the paper, or just gone knocking on doors looking for sheeple who bought into Camping’s BS and convinced them to give me their stuff. After all, they wouldn’t be needing it anymore, so it should be an easy sell. According to the news, apparently it was an easy sell for some not-so-honest types out there. Folks were giving crap away left and right.

I guess I just stood in the wrong line.

Damn me and my scruples. Guess that’s why I’ll be stuck here playing polo with the horsemen.

More to come… (Until October 21st, of course…)

Murv