BRAINPAN LEAKAGE

We’re about to have a problem… A BIG one. As in, Cat on a Stick.

As most of you know, we tend to rescue animals. Cats, in particular. Now, while we haven’t been taking any in for several years now, we recently ended up in a situation where we DID take in a half-drowned, flea-bitten, six-week old, somewhat feral kitten rescued from a highway post flash-flood.

E K and I wanted to call him ARK (Almost Road Kill) because the person who picked him up actually saw him nearly get hit by a car. When I say nearly, I mean the kitten was literally pummeled by the rush of air from the vehicle’s tires as it screamed by on the highway. In fact, the person picking him up thought that he actually HAD been hit. As it turned out, he hadn’t. Good thing too, because there wasn’t much of him there to hit… As it turns out, the o-spring sort of adopted him for her own, so she named him Tiger. Me, I just call him “Nachos El Tigre” or, more recently, “You #$@@^&* SH*THEAD!”

Why? Because the little bastage has taken to playing under my desk. Now, it’s already bad enough that I’m getting kitten needle claws stuck in my legs, but that’s not the BIG issue. The BIG issue is that he has discovered the cords on the back of my computer.

Actual pic of Sh*thead "killing" the feather on a stick...

And he plays with them…

And he unplugs them…

Or he jumps up and down on the UPS until he lands on the button…

Know what happens?

My system shuts down. Unceremoniously. Without warning. WITH extreme prejudice. Killing and corrupting files that I have open.

Fortunately, he hasn’t destroyed a manuscript yet. Besides, I keep those backed up all over the place so we should be safe.

But I’m here to tell you, if the little sh*t messes up any of my “pR0N”, he’s toast… Just kidding. I back that up too… 😉

More to come…

Murv

Apologies to Thomas Dolby for borrowing the phrase, “Aliens Ate My Buick…” and then mucking about with it. (Fantastic CD, BTW…)

I know The Supreme Redhead is a conundrum. I accept this. After 25 plus years together, I’ve pretty much grown used to it. However, I’m pretty sure that this time she’s been abducted by aliens and replaced by an equally hot, equally evil, but not quite the same fembot.

You see, for 25 plus years, Her Supreme Evilness, THE E K, has been a fan of Ham and Swiss. That was her thing. Now, of course, when she decided she wanted to be a little more food healthy she switched to Turkey and Swiss. No big deal. She was still doing the whole Blank and Swiss thing, be it Turkey, or the occasional Ham. Since I prepare her lunch each day – usually a smoked turkey (or occasionally ham) and Swiss with Portobello mushroom and various other veggies in a whole wheat wrap – I tend to ask her if she’d like something different. Every now and then it’s Tuna Salad, Egg Salad, or my signature Curried Chicken/Turkey Salad. Sometimes it’s just straight veggies, or even some leftover Vegetable Korma in a wrap.

HOWEVER, when it comes to the lunch meat and cheese combo, it’s always Turkey or Ham and Swiss.  Do not deviate under threat of pain, or even a stiletto heel through the temple.

Okay… I get that. I like consistency too.

So imagine my surprise, shock, and outright horror when, while grocery shopping this past weekend, without prompting from me, or anyone else, she picked out Pastrami and Muenster for her daily lunch wraps.  Especially since I had suggested Pastrami several times in the past, only to be told, “I… Don’t… Like… Pastrami… Lackey! Now, just for that get down on the floor and give me twenty!”

Twenty “whats” I’m never quite sure, which then results in a healthy beating, but that’s just life with THE Redhead.

Yeah… She’s having Pastrami and Muenster today… Well, I guess I should say Evil Alien Fembot E K is having Pastrami and Muenster today. I don’t know what actual, real live Evil E K is having.

I do, however, suspect that the aliens are regretting their decision and will be returning her shortly. Wonder what they’ll give me to take her back?

Aww, who am I kidding? She’s probably already declared herself their Queen and has them all chained up in the dungeon.

More to come…

Murv