BRAINPAN LEAKAGE

I keep stuff.

No… I’m not a hoarder. Well… Not in the sense of having piles of crap everywhere. In fact, as we have aged, E K and I have been streamlining and jettisoning our excess crap. What I’m talking about keeping is information. In particular, electronic documents containing cut and pastes of things I found interesting, things I’ve written, notes I’ve taken… That sort of stuff. So, while it is a bit of a hoarding situation, at least my stash is contained to a 1 terrabyte HD that still has all sorts of room on it – therefore, when I up and croak, my kid isn’t going to have to do much other than hit delete… Unless, of course, she decides to sell the info to someone. Who knows? Some of what I wrote might be worth a nickel or two after I’m all corpsified.

So, anyway, as I was organizing my electronic piles of data, I ran across one of my exchanges on FB that I had felt compelled to copy and paste. I still get a chuckle out of it. Y’all might too. Or not.

ME: Dining room floor stripped, scrubbed, steamed, waxed, and buffed. Supper installed. Now continuing Beer 6.0 installation.

MARY: wow! I can’t seem to find that program on the microsoft website… can you direct me? I will even buy a pirate copy if needed. LOL!

ME: Which one, Mary? Beer 6.0 or adult playdate? 🙂

MARY: Beer 6.0 I don’t need – I have Wine 6.0; Adult playdate is already installed and currently running, I’m talking Handyman 7.0. LOL!

ME: Ohhhh, that one. Well, you see Handyman 7.0 is a forced install by my sysadmin, E K and it takes some adjunct software to get it running. She generally starts with booting into her secondary operating system, Dominatrix 8.2.6, then locally installs Stiletto Heels 5.0, Leather 9, and Whip 10.7A. After that she does a remote format then pushes a ghost image of Subservient Husband 4.2 across the network. Once SH is up and running all versions of Handyman, up to and including 8.0 Beta install with no issues whatsoever.  She’s invested quite a bit in the upgrades too. I can’t begin to name them all, but in the way of add-on modules she even has stuff like Electrician 2.8, Groundskeeper 3.0, Chef 2.1, Masseur 5.9, and Plumber 1.5.3 (although she hacked the latter to insert a “no butt crack” subroutine)…

And there you have life at my house…

More to come…

Murv

I was going to call this “It’s Just An Egg Sandwich…”, but then I had one of those moments of inspiration. Either that, or gas, I’m not sure which. In any event, I’m hoping Kurt Vonnegut will forgive me for throwing down some massa-cree on his title. After all, I did use the short version*. That should count for something.

So it goes**… Why was I going to call this entry “It’s Just An Egg Sandwich…”? Well, that’s fairly simple, actually. Mostly because I happened upon the idea of writing it while I was in the middle of fixing myself an egg sammich… On whole wheat… With cheese… And ‘mater. Kinda makes you hungry, eh?

So it goes…  The whole egg sammich thing was one of those, “Oh yeah, that again… maybe I should write about it,” moments. You know, sort of like Deja Vu, but not. Mostly because I don’t allow my deja to be vued.  It’s way too personal.

So it goes… I was standing there fixing myself an egg sammich when it suddenly dawned on me that at some unknown point in the future I would be doing something equally mundane, but that I would just as suddenly flash on the fact that I had once been standing there fixing myself an egg sammich and thinking about the fact that at some unknown point in the future I would be thinking about this moment in time and wondering where all the time that was in between had gotten off to; whereupon I would then think about the fact that I was standing there fixing myself an egg sammich and… Well… I think you get the idea.

And why did I suddenly flash on all that? Well, because in the instant prior to that flash there had been another flash. Not the expose yourself kind, mind you… Although, in a way I suppose it was. Nope… This was another of those flashes in the brainpan.

So it goes… I was standing there fixing myself an egg sammich and thinking about the fact that at some unknown point in the future I would be doing something equally mundane, but that I would just as suddenly flash on the fact that I had once been standing there fixing myself an egg sammich and thinking about the fact that at some unknown point in the future I would be thinking about this moment in time and wondering where all the time that was in between had gotten off to, because I had just flashed on something I had done in the past that was equally mundane while having the very same sort of thought…

And… So it goes… My world falls in upon itself like a shattered mirror, reflecting back what was, what is, and what will be.

Maybe I should change my name to Billy Pilgrim… But then I’d have to get killed by a gullible moron – of course, that’s Kurt’s story, not mine…

I think maybe I should just keep writing. It seems Kurt and I have a lot in common where style and satire are concerned. Hell, we both even have critics that hate us because we don’t follow their rules, and you know what? That suits me just fine… I bet it did Kurt, too. I’ll ask him when I get to the other side. I suspect that is a ways off yet, however, I’m willing to bet I’ll by lying there in my bed thinking about the time I was fixing myself an egg sammich and flashing on the thought that I would one day be doing…

So it goes…

More to come…

Murv

* The actual full title of Slaughterhouse Five is: Slaughterhouse-Five, or The Children’s Crusade: A Duty Dance with Death.

** “So it goes” is a commonly repeated expression employed by Vonnegut in the book, Slaughterhouse Five.