BRAINPAN LEAKAGE

Real questions, real answers (Note that I did NOT say real good answers…)

1) I want to say that your descriptions of paranormal experiences are amazing. How do you visualize the physical experiences so acutely?

I actually responded to this one via email a while back, but I fear I may have misunderstood the question. I went into some depth about my enlisting my wife in acting out various scenarios from the books as I write them. In particular, and I don’t want to give anything away, but for those of you who have read Love Is The Bond do you remember that scene with Rowan and Felicity on the convenience store parking lot? Well, let’s just say we raised a few eyebrows acting that out in our driveway. Why did we act out that scene in the first place? Simple– so I would know what Rowan could see from various positions, what Felicity could see and was capable of accomplishing, and exactly how to describe what was going on.

However, I digress as usual…

In retrospect the young lady may have wanted to know how I visualize the physical effects of the paranormal experiences my protagonist experiences. If that is the case, then she probably thinks I’m a big, flaming idiot at this point for not actually answering the question she asked.

So, if her question was the one I didn’t answer, here it is for all to see: I fake it.

Actually, I suppose I am serious about that to an extent. I pretty much just operate on a set of basic assumptions then extrapolate from there. At any rate, I guess it is working.

The next few questions actually came from a High School student who is doing a book report on Harm None. I emailed my responses to him, but was impressed with several of his questions and thought others might like to hear the answers as well, so I thought I would add them to the FAQ.

2) Was Harm None your first idea for a book? If not, what was your first idea?

Well, it wasn’t my first idea for a book, no. Like most authors I have a filing cabinet full of manuscripts that have never, and probably will never, see the light of day. When I was much younger– actually in High School younger– I wrote quite a large amount of science fiction and was fortunate enough to have a few short stories published in some small genre magazines of the day. To follow through with your question, my first idea for a book was a novella length “space opera” that I set to paper. Unfortunately, a lack of life experience and an overabundance of teenage angst (and hormones) made it an exercise in futility. However, I wouldn’t trade having done it for the world. The process of writing it– no matter how “bad” it turned out– taught me much.

3) Why did you choose to have the setting of the book to be the same as where you live?

That’s simple. We write that with which we are familiar, or can become easily familiar. While I do an enormous amount of research into such things as police procedure, forensics, alternative religions, psychology, etc, there are some things you just can’t get from a textbook. Setting my series in the city where I live allows me to go out, get in my truck, and drive to a location easily and cheaply (well, with gas prices the way they are…but still, it is cheaper than a plane ticket). In doing that I can then clearly describe the nuances of that setting, and be accurate about it as well. It also lends to what is known as “suspension of disbelief”. Remember, some of the elements of my books are slightly over the top, however, if I have lulled you into a world of false reality with my attention to true detail, then you will more readilly accept the oddities I slip in under the radar, so to speak.

Note: Like it says in the front of the books, I do take some liberties with the lay of the land in St. Louis. I actually have changed the names of several parks and municipalities just to be on the safe side. Also, one of the most notable “fictions” is the coffee shop across the street from police headquarters downtown. It doesn’t actually exist. However, I wanted one there in my books so I annexed (via Literary Eminent Domain) a portion of the City Hall parking lot and built a coffee shop there.

4) How long did it take you to write this book (Harm None)?

Start to finish, including research time (interviewing, reading texts, riding with local law enforcement, etc) I write, initially revise, and rewrite a 100k – 120K word Rowan Gant Novel in right around 6 months, give or take a few weeks. It usually takes another 30-60 days of me arguing and pitching fits with my editor (well, not really, but we don’t ALWAYS agree), in order to get any of the publisher mandated changes done or rewrites completed. After that it’s time to start another one (if I haven’t already.)

5) Where were you when you wrote the majority of this book (Harm None)? i.e. coffee house, home, poetry cafe…

The bulk of my writing is done in my office at home. Back then I was working a full time job (other than being an author) so my writing was done primarily on weekends and evenings. Now, I actually must set aside time from my touring schedule to write. However, if I happen to be running behind on a deadline, my notebook computer sees action on airplanes and in hotel rooms (even while I am waiting for my daughter to get out of her “College for Kids” classes.) Still, Harm None itself was written, in its entirety, in my office at home. (The computer it was written on, however, has long since gone to the electronics scrap heap in the sky.)

6) Do you have any advice for the students of my class?

“Wear sunscreen”

If you have not yet heard that song, ask your teacher as I am sure she or he has. If not, look it up on the Internet and listen to it, or read the lyrics (use the link above).

After you are done chuckling and saying “yeah, right, that won’t apply to me,” listen to/read it again and take it to heart. All of it. I couldn’t give any better advice if I tried for the rest of my life. Trust me, I’ve already lived much of what the man says.

Okay, that’s it for this go around. I have much more writing to do so I may be scarce for a bit!

MR / a.k.a. Murv

Okay…

For medical reasons I am not going to disclose I have been off solid food since Thursday, therefore I’ve been a bit cranky. Generic Ensure ™ just doesn’t fill the empty space, if you know what I mean. Why am I telling you this? Well, it may have something to do with the events of the day…read on.

Fast forward to today, which was our designated “family” day for the week. That being the day where we do something “fun” as a family. On today’s agenda was “Art in Bloom“…This is where floral arrangers compete to create arrangements out of plant matter that look similar to various given pieces of art hanging in the Saint Louis Art Museum. (For purposes of this blog, I am using the term “art” very loosely…in fact, that is what this blog is really all about.)

Now… Since I have offended folks with my opinions in the past, understand that I am neither poking fun at anyone (other than, perhaps, myself), nor am I making light of floral arrangers, pedantic intellectuals, artists, or docents. My grandmother was a floral arranger and believe me she could have shown these folks a thing or two.

No…What I am about to go on about is the Art Museum. Again, I am using this term “ART” rather loosely (in my estimation.)

Really, what it comes down to is that I think I am about to go on about what a completely uncultured redneck I really and truly am.

Again, hit the fast forward button, and we arrive at the Art Museum in Forest Park, midtown Saint Louis, MO. For those who are familiar with the area, this is, of course, where “Art Hill” is…For those UNfamiliar with the area, Art Hill is a big undulating slope in front of the museum where people flock to in the winter in order to go sledding. I point this out because just about anyone in Saint Louis can tell you stories about Art Hill, even if they have never set foot inside the Art Museum. As you read on, you will discover that the folks who know about Art Hill and NOT the inside of the museum are the normal people (in my opinion).

Anyway, this is also where a major icon of Saint Louis resides. No, not the Arch (aka Jefferson National Expansion Memorial. That is down on the riverfront with such things as Lacledes Landing (a four odd block or thereabouts, cobblestone paved section that houses a ton of bars and eateries) and the Riverboat Casino’s.

Nope, what I am talking about is the big ass statue of the dude on the horse. (King Louis IX of France, actually…but, I like the name, “dude on the horse” better.)

But, I’m digressing, as I usually do…

So, we go into the Museum. Now, understand that an ART Museum is one of the last places on earth I would take myself if I was the one making the choice. However, since this was family day, this expo was going on, and there was a kid activity (AKA “Arrange some wilted flowers in a block of green crap 101, on your own, have fun, hurry up, move along, see ya’ later, sir you can’t use the flash to take a picture of your daughter with her arrangement, even out here in the lobby where there is no art”) this is where we went.

Hang on…it gets better…But let me start with a question…

Have you ever seen one of those movies where people are languidly strolling around an art museum, nodding thoughtfully, and making overly pedantic comments about the use of color, shape, shadow, etc, all while wearing turtleneck sweaters and blazers that have been out of style for two years? Not to mention that the item they are making these pretentious remarks about, as if they are world renowned experts, is usually something so hideous that a velvet paint-by-numbers portrait of Elvis, “the girdle years”, would look good by comparison?

Well, if you have, then you already witnessed my morning and early afternoon. (other than the flower and green crap thing…and getting yelled at by a docent for taking a picture of my kid and having the gall to use the built in flash on the camera so that she actually showed up in the photograph.)

Basically, I spent two hours wandering around this huge building, dodging horribly rude people, looking at the following things:

REALLY OLD Furniture. I mean REALLY OLD. Like antiques from France and stuff. Kinda nice if you like that sort of thing, (I don’t, personally) but none of it looked actually comfortable enough to sit in, on, or even around, so I’m not so sure what was that great about it.

REALLY ODD (not old) Furniture: There was this chair made out of leftover 2×4’s. I kid you not. Pieces of 2×4’s and a slab of a 2×12. Put together with wood screws, and then whitewashed. Only one coat, too. And it didn’t even have a cushion. I actually have enough scrap lumber in my basement to make about ten of them. I’m thinking of going around to art museums and offering them the knock-offs at a reduced rate. Even at a discount I’ll still be a millionaire for an initial investment of $27.32 plus about 3 hours of work.

REALLY OLD Place settings that looked pretty much like the Courier and Ives that we have in our china cabinet downstairs, only the designs on the old stuff weren’t nearly as cool as the ones on the C&I.

NOT SO MUCH OLD Furniture. I mean furniture that is EXACTLY like the furniture my parents had in our living room when I was growing up. Hell, it might have actually been the furniture that was in our living room that someone rescued from the dump and wiped off for all I know. (Yeah, I know I’m old, but not THAT old. Besides, I thought this was supposed to be an ART museum, not a history museum…)

Some small GLASS “SCULPTURES” that looked exactly like some candle holders I bet you could get at  Pier 1 for 5 bucks a pair.

Other than that, the rest of what I saw appeared to be a bunch of UNFORTUNATE MISTAKES.

These mistakes were supposed to be paintings. And sculptures. I think. I’m not entirely certain. You see, they didn’t really have any subject matter. Any that I could readily identify, anyway. Several of them looked like someone vomited and instead of cleaning it up they just smeared it around and then sprayed lacquer on it before hanging it on the wall and giving it a bizarre name like “Oxidized Metal Wires on a Paper Plate” or some such.

Others– one’s that actually HAD recognizable subject matter, looked horribly disproportionate and discolored. If they weren’t completely out of whack colorwise and proportionwise, then they were so horribly drawn as to look like someone simply doodled (poorly) while on the phone then colored it in.

(Note: My daughter, while in Kindergarten, did a self-portrait that ended up hanging in the board of education offices in Jefferson City (the MO state capital) for 30 days. And, yeah, while I am certainly prejudiced where my daughter is concerned, I would put that self portrait by a 5 year old up against just about anything I saw today…)

Believe it or not, there was this huge painting that was apparently worth some inordinate amount of money, and it was nothing but a stick figure (I kid you not) along with some VERY RANDOM splashes of paint, and some word scrawled across it (I can’t remember the particular word, as it was in a foreign language.)

What’s more…ALL of this stuff was protected not only by wandering docents and guards, but by alarm systems that detected such slight movements that my daughter set a couple of them off just because she was so short.

And, remember those people in turtlenecks? They were everywhere. One of them was even nice enough to attempt engaging me in conversation. Unfortunately, being the uncultured individual that I am, when she finished her unsolicited commentary about the particular artist’s use of color and shape, I looked back at her and literally said, “Really? What’s it supposed to be? It looks like an unfortunate accident to me.” (No…I really did. I’m not kidding…And I wasn’t saying it to be mean. I was hoping that she would actually explain to me what it was supposed to be and not just give me a lecture on color and some obtuse shape described only by her waving her hand in a wild gyration.)

Unfortunately, she wasn’t particularly interested in speaking to me after that. Guess I made her nervous.

Now, I did try to go into this with an open mind. And I DID actually see some wonderful photo’s of glaciers done by an artist who uses photography as his medium. I also liked the antique guns and swords. Those were pretty interesting.

Maybe the rest of it wasn’t all that enjoyable because I hadn’t had solid food in several days and I was just crabby. But, I don’t think so. Even if I’d just had a prime rib dinner with all the trimmings I’m pretty sure I would have still considered most of what I saw today a series of horrible mistakes being witnessed by a mess of pedantic folks with nothing better to do than get together and be pedantic with one another.

No. I’m not making fun of them or putting them down. If they think that stuff is art and they enjoy debating the subtleties of this shadow or that shadow on a canvas that is covered with random words and smears of ink, more power to them. They say beauty is in the eye of the beholder and hey, if what they saw was beautiful to them I’m all for it.

It’s just that…well…to me…Well, let’s just say that I don’t get it.

Must be one of those redneck, guy things…

MR