BRAINPAN LEAKAGE

Have you ever noticed that when you go to your designated polling place to cast your vote, there are these blinders positioned on either side of the booth – be it punch card or electronic. Even the big honkin’ mechanical voting booths – which I am old enough to remember using, although some of you probably aren’t – had a curtain you pulled closed in order to hide what you were doing in there.

Why is that?

Well, it is because we are allowed privacy. The reality of the process is this – it is a “secret ballot.” That means it’s nobody else’s business for whom you cast your vote. Kinda cool, eh? You get to make up your own mind and not be taken to task for it. Democracy… Ain’t it grand?

So, here we are, right smack in the middle of another election year. The candidates are running willy-nilly about, screwing up, telling you what they think you want to hear, making promises they will never be able to keep – no matter how well intentioned – because the President is only one branch of the government and generally cannot make wholesale decisions without the approval of the house and senate.

So what? These candidates are human, they are going to make mistakes just like you and me, and telling you the bunch of well intentioned lies is the best way to influence you in order to get what they want. Besides, they probably even believe some of the dreck they are spouting. That’s all part of politics. We have to cope with it because it’s what we have, and while it certainly isn’t perfect, it’s close to, if not THE best game in town.

I won’t get started on some of the things I think our government is doing to undermine our freedoms – that’s another blog entirely. Probably several, in fact…

No, my running off at the mouth today is about “endorsements.” There is currently a celebrity endorsement bouncing all over Myspace… It even made the national news. Now, I happen to like said celeb. Not that I know him personally, or have even met him, because I don’t and I haven’t. But, I do like his movies, and I’m guessing he’d be a kick to sit down with and have a chat. So, this is NOT aimed at him… Actually, it is aimed more at the media…Why? Because his video endorsement made the national news…

I don’t get it.

Since when did starring in a few movies, thereby being in the public eye, make someone qualified to “endorse” a political candidate? Moreover, why the hell should the average joe on the street care one way of the other if an actor says “Vote for Wilson”?

Is it an, “I’m not a politician, but I play one on TV” sort of thing? I’m just curious… Why? Because I still don’t get it. Maybe I’m a big moron. Maybe I’m the one who should be talking to a volleyball. I dunno…

However, since this is apparently the trend, I certainly cannot pass up this promotional opportunity. Since I am at least somewhat in the public eye due to writing a mess of novels, I figure I need to get on the bandwagon too.

Therefore, it is time that I, as a minor league celeb, tell you for whom you should cast your vote, seeing as how you, the general public apparently have no ability to make up your own minds without the influence of people who have no better grasp of politics than you. Since I am, as I said, only a minor league celeb, I won’t go through the gyrations of making a video. I will simply do it via text.

So, here goes.

I want Geena Davis to be the next President of the United States. She played the part on TV already, so I’m betting she has a pretty good understanding of how the system works. Hell, if her series hadn’t been cancelled, she would probably have already accomplished getting us the hell out of Iraq, and gas would have been replaced by highly efficient and low cost, non-polluting fuel cells.

And, to take things a step further, I really think she should pick Martin Sheen as her running mate. He had a hell of a run in the White House, and given the incredible skills of his staff, I’m sure he can help Geena when it comes to picking her advisors.

There. Now I am going to sit here in my office and wait for a call from the Early Show.

I mean, since I am an official minor league celebrity and I have publicly announced my endorsement, I am certain Harry Smith and the crew will want to talk to me.

No offense to Harry, but I hope I get interviewed by Julie Chen. She seems like she would be a really nice person.

You know, come to think of it, maybe Geena should make her the Chief of Staff.

More to come…

Murv

So… Have any of you read any of the Rowan Gant Investigations e-books? You know, the electronic versions of the book. In particular, I believe these e-books are in convenient PDF format.

If so, good on you! I hope you enjoyed them. Now, let’s settle up-

For each Rowan Gant e-book title you have read, you need to send $3.95 (the average price of an e-book) to my publisher, WillowTree Press. The address is as follows: WillowTree Press, PO Box 142414, St. Louis, MO 63114-0414. Make your check payable to WillowTree Press. Please include a note listing the titles for which you are paying.

Why?

Because, there are NO Rowan Gant e-books… Yes, there ARE some PDF files floating around out there. I just found out about it today. Apparently, they have been floating around for a while now. In fact, long enough that they have been downloaded thousands of times. Illegally.

Yeah. ILLEGALLY.

And guess what? My publisher hasn’t seen a dime. Know what that means? I haven’t either. Yeah… they didn’t get paid, so I didn’t get paid.

Now… If you are one of the e-book readers, the address is listed above. Send your money in so that my publisher can pay me. If your excuse for downloading them is that you wanted to sample my books before buying, well, that’s what libraries are for. If you don’t have a library card, well, you know, there’s also a chapter sampler on my website available for download. That would have given you a sample…

You’ll have to excuse me, but I’m pissed right now. People seem to think authors are flush with cash and that we don’t need the royalties. Well, here’s how it is… It’s our friggin’ paycheck, people. How would you like it if I stopped by your place of employment on Friday, picked up YOUR paycheck and put it in MY pocket even though you did the work?

Yeah, wouldn’t be so nice now would it?

For those of you who have NOT pirated my books, and actually purchase them legally, I’m terribly sorry you had to listen to this… Please know that I truly appreciate you.

But, for now, I’m one pissed off Murv…