BRAINPAN LEAKAGE

And, no. For those of you who are old enough to remember this, I am NOT about to break into a rousing chorus of  “I Do The Watusi” by Howie Mandel. If you are too young to remember, then click on the link above and have yourself a taste of post St. Elsewhere but pre Deal or No Deal Howie…

But, as usual, I digress…

MY questions aren’t about cottage cheese in shoes, or hamsters named Phil residing behind bars (again, see the above link). Mine are about this show called Extreme Makeover: Home Edition.

I accidentally watched a couple of episodes of this thing. Primarily because I turned on the TV and there it was. I used to like watching stuff like This Old House and Hometime, so I gave it a go. In case you haven’t seen this thing, it basically revolves around that hyper guy who used to do the Sears commercials and a group of interior decorators/remodeler/contractor types. They roll into a town in a tour bus and right up to the door of the person selected for the home makeover (via an interesting application process I’ve now found out). They send the person and their family off on an all expense paid vacation for a week, then demolish their house and put a new one in its place. All good, correct? I mean, especially when you consider that the people who manage to run the gauntlet of the application process are usually in some way, shape, or form, nearly destitute. They can’t pay for even the simplest of repairs on their home, in some cases the home is being condemned by the city, they have a whole raft of kids, and are living hand to mouth, and it seems that a prerequisite is to also have one or more disabilities in the family unit. These people are desperately in need of help. So, this show is doing an incredibly good and charitable thing for these folks…or so it seems.

These TV personalities roll in and replace the existing home with a brand new, completely decked out, much larger “dream home” by almost anyone’s standards (except the unnaturally wealthy that is). I’m talking in terms of a 45K shack or even a  worthless piece of falling down condemned building being replaced by a 250K to 350K home (And I’m just talking about the “shell of the home” when I toss out that number, because it doesn’t end there…They end up with all of the redecorating amenities, all new furniture, plasma TV’s on damn near every wall, and a kitchen that would make Emeril scream BAM! at the top of his lungs…Not to mention added bonus stuff like expensive toys and/or sports memorabilia for the kids, etc…–and that is just naming a FEW of the niceties.)

Well, here is where my questions start popping up.

Now remember, like I said, most of these folks (the ones I’ve seen so far, at least) can barely make their mortgage and feed themselves too, so let’s keep that in mind, as that is what is prompting most of my questions…

1) Who is going to pay the taxes on this new house? They are going to be a hell of a lot higher than they were before.

2) How do the rest of the people in the neighborhood feel about this monstrosity sitting next to their smaller homes? This new home’s value is definitely going to affect the neighborhood standing, and therefore the values and taxes on their homes. One way or the other. Either THEIR taxes are going to go up, or if the neighborhood is REALLY depressed, suddenly the city is going to come in and start condemning everyone else’s home. Next thing you know eminent domain happens and developers get their fingers in the pie, and…well, you see where I am heading…

3) Since these “dream homes” are normally being plunked down in middle to lower class neighborhoods, what would happen if for some reason that home needed to be sold? You sure can’t get the dollars that went into it back out of it if the neighborhood won’t support it. Unless, of course, some permutation of the question number 2 scenarios occurs…

4) Why in all hell do these people need Plasma TV’s on almost every wall in the friggin house? That’s one I just can’t get my head around…

and finally…

5) Wouldn’t it be better for ABC and this program to build smaller, less opulent homes that are livable and solid, thereby being able to build MORE of them and actually HELP MORE PEOPLE who need it? Oh, I don’t know, like maybe in Mississippi and Louisiana? People who are living in ratty FEMA trailers and not knowing when or if they’ll ever manage to get their homes rebuilt?

Yes, I know. If they were to actually do number 5 then it wouldn’t be EXTREME, and they wouldn’t have a viable TV Show would they?

Well, sorry, I still see this as a rather ridiculous excess. But then, that’s just my opinion…and you know what they say. That and a buck will get you a cup of coffee (as long as you aren’t talking Starbucks. Nothing against Starbucks mind you…it’s just that you won’t get a cup of coffee there for a buck…)

MR

Yeah, I want a Tour Bus. I’ve been inside a couple, not to mention the ones I’ve seen on TV, and they are way cool. While I’m not about to be all about living out of a bus per se, it seems like it would be a lot nicer way to travel. I do a lot of airplane, but I also do a hefty share of my touring in a car (rental), or my truck. (Don’t get me wrong, I’ve got a bitchin’ truck…2004 GMC Sierra 1500, extended cab, short bed, with all the bells and whistles…But, hey, if I had a bus and someone else was driving I could get up and walk around.)

Some of you may remember the “Humor in Uniform” section of Reader’s Digest…(it may still exist…I haven’t had my hands on a Readers’ Digest in a while)…Either way there was a particular joke that has always stuck with me. It was an anecdote where a fighter pilot was talking to the captain of a refueling plane via radio while in flight. He was bragging about how he could do all these maneuvers and such since his smaller, faster jet was more nimble than the lumbering refueling behemoth. The captain replied that he could do something the fighter couldn’t, so just watch. After several minutes of simply flying along the captain came back on the radio and said something like, “How was that.” The fighter pilot replied, “What do you mean? I didn’t see you do anything.” The captain of the refueling plane came back with, “Well, I just got up and stretched my legs. Walked around for a bit. Got a cup of coffee, and had a chat with my navigator.”

I’m sure that loses something in the translation, especially since I am drawing it from memory, but it has always struck me as not only funny, but kind of cool. I would love to be able to get up, stretch my legs, yadda yadda, while traveling, all without losing any time. I think that would be a pretty neat way to get from point A to point B.

But then, I suppose it doesn’t take much to amuse me.

Of course, these days, with gas prices the way they are, I guess having a tour bus is better left to the “Want/Dream” realm…

Anyhow…raining here. Cold. Supposed to snow tomorrow. Not much, but enough to stick to the grass. That’ll be great. I love snow, so it’s really my kind of weather. Right now I really should be writing. I have a ton of stuff to get done and probably shouldn’t be running off at the mouth here about nonsenical things…

Sooooo, that’s it for now!

MR