BRAINPAN LEAKAGE

Relax. It’s all good.

Having been in other parts of the country while on tour, settling in to my hotel room and grabbing a quick look at the news before crashing, I know that things can get blown out of proportion by the national news. Like, the time they were reporting killer storms all but leveling Saint Louis when I was on the east coast. When I called my wife to check on her and the munchkin’s safety, I was met with, “What? It sprinkled here for a bit. Minor shower, but that’s about it.” (This is not to say we’ve never had killer storms, as we certainly have…remember that power outage a couple of years back? And the flood of ’93? Well those were certainly real…)

My point is, you can’t always believe what you hear on the news, so if you are in some part of the country, looking at some talking head on the tube who is telling you that Saint Louis has come to a standstill because of a massive blizzard burying the city…Well, change the channels.

Yes, we did get a healthy snowstorm here. It started yesterday afternoon and ended around 4:30 – 5:00 AM today…At times it was heavy… Up to 1.5 inches per hour… But, when all was said and done we only got hit with a little over 8 inches of the white stuff. Minor inconvenience. Not a citywide emergency by any stretch of the imagination.

Anywho, here are some pictures to prove that everything is okay here and that we aren’t really buried forever, never to thaw…

There…Now EK can go to work and make money to support me in the style to which I am accustomed… (Grin)

I started shoveling around 5:45AM…Only took about a half hour. The worst part was the end of the driveway where the street department had plowed and deposited a substantial snowbank…

From the front porch…

Gotta get the hedge trimmers hold of those shrubs this spring. They never got their final 2007 “haircut” last fall and they grow like nobody’s business.

Do, Do, Do, Lookin’ Out My Back Door…

Yeah…The neighbors are too damn close here in the burbs… But, EK doesn’t want to move to the country.

You know, the rumor mill seems to be getting more activity than my coffee grinder…What’s up with that?

So, anyway, I am back from Nashville, which was my last gig for the year. I had a blast, as usual, but I’m glad it’s over and I get to stay home with the Evil One and the Offspring for a while. But, while in Nashville, I was enlightened as to some of the rumors circulating about me. For fun, I thought I’d address the ones I was told here in this blog-

1. M. R. Sellars is tall.

I suppose that would depend upon your perspective. I’m 5′ 7″…Or, I used to be. I’ve probably shrunk a bit over the years. In any case, I think that probably qualifies as average height, not tall.

2. M. R. Sellars is blonde.

Look at my picture. Do I look blonde to you? Maybe WAYYYYYYY back when I was a teenager, but that was only for one summer and was the result of spending all day in/at the pool along with the help of a 70’s era hair product called “Sun In” (Yes, it was intended to gradually bleach your hair.) Other than that, the closest I’ve ever been to blonde would probably be when I was like two or something, but even then we were talking light to medium brown, not blonde.

3. M. R. Sellars is gay.

I assume the meaning here is as in homosexual, and not the colloquial “gay = strange”…Or, even the standard “overjoyed”…Well, actually, no. I’m not. I’m heterosexual, i.e. straight. Always have been, no plans to change either.

4. M. R. Sellars is bi.

See answer to rumor 3.

And, my personal favorite…

5. M. R. Sellars attended a BDSM con in Atlanta, GA and scored with the babes.

Okay, how substantiated this particular rumor is, I have no idea, but I was informed that it had been a topic of discussion on some lists. Not lists that I am on, so who knows. Either way, let’s lay out some facts here:

A. I haven’t attended ANY BDSM Conventions at all, much less any in Atlanta. This is not to say that I wouldn’t or won’t, especially since the Miranda Trilogy would do well there, but as yet, I haven’t done a promo appearance at such a convention. (I also haven’t attended one for pleasure either.)

B. I am MONOGAMOUS and have a smokin’ hot wife. (Remember EK?) So, even if I were to attend such an event I would not be scoring with anyone but the redhead known as EK.

C. Apparently, from what I am told, the tall and blonde rumors are subsets of this particular rumor.

So, apparently from what I was told some tall, blonde dude went around saying he was me in order to score.

Dude…come on…You can’t score on your own? More importantly, you can’t pick someone who is a closer physical match to you, especially given that a simple Google search of my name will reveal a gazillion pictures that would instantly disprove your claim? Obviously you are taking the line from that Sean Connery movie WAY TOO seriously… I hate to tell you this but that was just a movie– women will NOT sleep with you just because you wrote a book.

So, all I can say is that if you did manage to score by using my name, well…Good on ya’.

But, really, if the truth be told, if you did, I hope she was a Dom and when she figured out you were lying about who you were she beat the living snot out of you (not in the good way, more like in the Miranda way) then left you tied up in a closet in a hotel room with the do not disturb sign on the door so you could spend a little time ruminating over your overt stupidity for a day or two.

Yeah, that translates into, “Get a life and stop using my name for your own personal gain, you fruitloop.”

So, there you have it…Other than the ages old rumor that I’m dead, which for some reason seems to resurface every now and then, those are the latest…To recap, I’m not tall, not blonde, not gay, not bi, and have not attended a BDSM convention for business (or pleasure), and therefore, you have NOT slept with me.

More to come…

Murv