BRAINPAN LEAKAGE

I’m not a big fan of lying. I was raised better than that.

One of the things my father always impressed upon me was that an individual has nothing in this world but his / her word. Therefore, if that word is worthless, that person truly has nothing at all.

Now, of course, there is certainly the old “circumvent the truth to save someone’s feelings” sort of thing. That’s not what I’m talking about. I mean flat out subterfuge. And, I should also note that this is not to say that I haven’t fallen off the truth wagon slightly. Just about everyone does at some point in their lives, no matter how honest they are. But, I  owned up to my mistake, which was minor but still enough to not be all that good. Afterward, I climbed back on the truth train and re-valued my word.

Now, I’m sure this sounds a bit funny coming from a guy who gets paid to lie. I mean, after all, what do fiction authors do for a living? That’s right, we make sh*t up. We tell lies about people who don’t even exist, all for the express purpose of making a buck. Well… The buck is kinda the ultimate goal, but we don’t really make too many of them to be perfectly honest. We do, however, entertain folks and most days that’s enough.

Rumor is I’m pretty good at it, where text is concerned. In person, apparently I have a “tell.” At least, that’s what E K says. I think it’s probably just because she’s the QB of the WFU and therefore knows everything already. I’m sure it has something to do with the red hair…

But, I’m sort of digressing, as is my usual M. O… Therefore, let’s move right along and talk about BLAM. Now, BLAM is something you might never have heard about outside the pages of a comic book (onomatopoeia and all that). And, I should also not that I am not now, nor will I ever be, referring to myself as “your old pal Vince.” So, rest assured, BLAM is not a revolutionary cleaner, solvent, chamois, or cheap plastic chopping utensil. No, BLAM is “Blog Spam.” Again, you may have never heard this term before, so I feel compelled to point out that I just made it up.

But, that’s not the point…

You see, Brainpan Leakage, like any other blog, is often the victim of SPAM in the comments section. I combat this on two levels. The first is a background filter that catches about 99% of it and stuffs it into the BLAM can. The second is that I require moderator approval on comments to my blog, therefore until I’ve read it and see that it’s not BLAM, it doesn’t show up online.

But, this doesn’t keep the BLAMMERS from trying, and in recent months they’ve decided to take a cue from the Email Spammers “subject line subterfuge” and start lying a whole lot. The thing is, they aren’t very good at it. So, today, I thought maybe I’d share a couple of my favorites. The IP’s, emails, and URL’s have been blocked out not for anyone’s protection, but because I have no desire to let them use my blog as a backlink…

(Click images to enlarge)

I just dunno… I think if you REALLY respected my work you wouldn’t be trying to sell my readers “cipro without a prescription.” But, that’s just MY opinion…

Okay, so obviously I missed something in my own blog. What the hell does being a Buddhist have to do with a crazed redhead chasing dogs around with a stiletto heeled shoe?

Define a “long time”… And no, I don’t want to purchase anything through your amazon store, thank you very much.

You run a couple of blogs on how to not be a victim of a serial killer/rapist – identity thief – sociopath? Must be hurting for content, eh? One question: Why does your URL have something to do with pet pedigrees?

LINUX? Really? I need to check my tags. Oh, and thanks, but I’ve already had my roof replaced.

There are similar blogs about the red cross running a blood drive at a Sci-Fi con? Wow. Must be a more popular topic than I thought. No sleeping pills for me, thanks. All I need is a generic Zyrtec…

There are actually plenty more from whence these came. I had trouble picking the examples to be perfectly honest. But, there you go. All in a day’s BLAM…

And, the moral of this story? If you’re going to try to blow smoke up my ass, then… well… umm… Don’t. But(t) if you insist on trying, at least put some thought into it…

More to come…

Murv

When you have geriatric felines you are going to have problems. That is just how it is.

I’m sure you’ve read some of my other blogs where I’ve gone on about having to give insulin to diabetic cats, or running sub-cutaneous fluids into a fleabag with chronic constipation. You’ve likely even read the blog about – and laughed at the picture of – the hemorrhoid cat. So, I’m sure it comes as no surprise to you that I am now lamenting the selective incontinence of one such “kitteh”.

Jasper, or as I like to call him, “the stupid one” – mostly because he’s as dense as a brick – has taken to relieving himself in one corner of our dining room. We stay on top of it, of course. Our house is lived in, not filthy. But, I have to admit, it is a bit of a battle. And, no matter how many chemicals you use to destroy the human detectable odor, the cat can still smell it and returns to that place over and over.

Since I am sequestered away in the office all day, we lock “TSO” and “TFO” (The Fat One) in the basement where the litter boxes are located. Granted, the basement is unfinished so it isn’t exactly plush – which is how E K prefers her dungeon – but, for the kitteh’s sake we do make sure they have their “cat pyramids” and “cat beds” down there. And, since that is where their food dishes are as well, they are all good.

Now, before I get a ration of comments telling me how I need to handle this, or that I am a bad person because I need to take the cat to the vet because he’s trying to tell me he is ill, just put a governor on it and step away from the keyboard. E K and I have been rescuing cats for better than 20 years. We have more than just a little experience in this arena. PLUS, we have, in fact, taken him to the vet. He’s fine. Nothing wrong. No urinary infections, no diabetes, etc. He’s just old and suffering from “I don’t care anymore syndrome.”

So anyway, on with the story. “TSO” will do the same thing in the basement on occasion, meaning he’ll leave a puddle on the concrete floor 10 steps from the litter boxes, just because he can. Fortunately, that is much easier to clean up than the hardwood in the dining room, but I digress.

Just the other day it was raining. Since we live in an old house at the bottom of a hill, in a dip in the road, with all of the property around us sitting higher than us, drainage occurs. See where I’m going with this? When such drainage occurs and the ground is saturated, some seepage also occurs. We don’t get “major flooding” down there, but we get a few puddles and minor streams running toward the floor drain.

On this particular day, the O-spring, fresh off finishing her homework, headed downstairs to take care of the afternoon feline feeding – something that has been added to her list of chores in recent weeks. No more had she gone down into the basement than I heard “Ewwwww! Jasper! That’s disgusting!” Given that I was sitting in the office upstairs doing some work, you know she had to be pretty loud.

The “Ewwws” and scoldings continued for a minute or two, and finally I heard her clomping back up the stairs. The basement door opened, the slammed, and I was greeted with my daughter yelling at me from the bottom of the first floor staircase.

“DADDY! Jasper peed ALL OVER the basement!”

“What do you mean, all over?” I asked.

“He peed EVERYWHERE! There’s only only little places to stand where it’s dry. It’s GROSSSSSSSSSSSSSS!”

When I finally stopped laughing I called back to her, “Honey, it’s raining. That’s just water from the basement leaking.”

It was quiet for a moment, then I heard a very calm and perfunctory, “Oh.”

Crisis averted. I wonder what she’s going to do the first time she has to change a diaper?

More to come…

Murv