BRAINPAN LEAKAGE

And so continues the WillyCon Odyssey, Day 3

The following takes place between 4 AM and 4 PM. Events occur in real time. (Sutherland still not available. His people are supposed to call my people.)

4:12 AM – AWAKE!!

@mrsellars – [looks at time on cell phone] [puts cell phone away] [looks at time on cell phone again…]

@mrsellars – #fuckme

@mrsellars – Ears popping, arthritis in knees killing me.

@mrsellars – [Scratch… Burp… Trudge] [facilities usage]

@mrsellars – [Trudge]

@Television – [Click] …and that’s exactly why you need Super Colon Reamer. After just seven days when you look into the toilet you…

@Television – [Click] …ya’ see. So get your goons outta my way, ya see…

@Television – [Click] …never shave again. Just apply wax and…

@Television – [Click] …watching it develop over Colorado and into the plains states. This area here [visual includes Wayne, NE right in the middle of it] is under a Blizzard Warning with a 90% chance of a foot or more…

@mrsellars – Watch now a warning… #fuckme

@mrsellars – Now I know why my ears are popping and my knees hurt.

@mrsellars – I know I already said it, but it warrants a repeat: #fuckme

7:00 AM

@mrsellars – Walkies…

@Analog_Camera – Click – Flash – Whirrrrrr…

@mrsellars – Walkies…

@Analog_Camera – Click – Flash – Whirrrrrr…

@mrsellars – Walkies…

@Analog_Camera – Click – Flash – Whirrrrrr…

@mrsellars – Walkies…

@Analog_Camera – Click – Flash – Whirrrrrr…

@mrsellars – Apparently Skippy the Squirrel is even more cunning than I first imagined. It would seem he has Internet access and reads my blog.

@mrsellars – Squirrel jerky and snow suit no longer viable options. Fall back to plan B. Make snowsuit out of blankets. Take empty suitcase to student center and steal food from Convention Hospitality Suite.

@mrsellars – Walkies….

@mrsellars – Good morning.

@Con_Registration_1 – Wow, someone who’s actually up at 7 in the morning.

@mrsellars – I’ve actually been up since a little after 4.

@Con_Registration_2 – Nomma himna, ibble.

@Con_Registration_1 – We haven’t gone to bed yet.

@mrsellars – I can see that.

@mrsellars – Where can I get coffee since nothing is open on campus?

@Con_Registration_1 – Umm… Uhhh…

@Con_Registration_2 – We didn’t make coffee.

@Con_Registraton_1 – I can show you where the coffee pot is.

@mrsellars – Please do.

@Con_Registration_1 @mrsellars – Walkies…

@mrsellars – If you turn your back long enough, I’ll just take the coffee pot back to my room (lol).

@Con_Registration_1 – You can’t do that. We have other people who drink coffee at 5 AM.

@mrsellars – Yeah, well I was up at 4.

@Nearby_Faculty_Member – LOL!

@Con_Registration_1 – O_o

@mrsellars – [waiting in line for pancake breakfast]

@Con_Attendee – Oh, hi. [shake hands] It’s nice to meet you. You friended me on Facebook.

@mrsellars – Yeah, not surprised. I’m like that sometimes.

@Con_Attendee – I didn’t get a chance to read any of your works. I’ve been pretty busy.

@mrsellars – [smile] That’s okay. I didn’t get a chance to read any of yours either.

@Con_Attendee – O_o

@mrsellars – Nomming on pancakes, sausage, and hash browns.

@Con_Registration_1 – [nom nom nom] I played Zombies last night.

@mrsellars – Sounds cool.

@Con_Registration_1 – My character was like Rambo. D cubed sigma x squared to the power of knife and then other guy teleported the cube root of 24 divided by the remaining integer three paper saving throw on my turn and there were 7 of them when you solve for x by isolating the variable in the quadratic then I killed 21 of them and…

@mrsellars – O_o

11:00 AM

@mrsellars  – Panel = yak, yak, yak, lol, yak, yak

@mrsellars – Booksigning = yak, sign, yak, sign

@mrsellars – Lunch = nom, nom, nom

@mrsellars – Panel = yak, yak, lol, yak, lol, yak, rofl, yak, yak, yakkity, yak, yakky, yakkity, yak, yak…

@mrsellars – Walkies…

4:00 PM

@mrsellars – Current wind speed 587 miles per hour. Eebil rain now falling sideways. Temperature – Extra Cold. Must check weather on toob.

@Television – Click… Lifts and separates, see…

@Television – Click… not eating paella…

@Television – Click… Insurance policy…

@mrsellars – Why doesn’t this damn thing just stay on the channel where I turned it off?

@Television – Click… Click… Click… Click… Click…

@mrsellars – No change… Western Nebraska has been annihilated… Now it’s coming for us.

@mrsellars – Time to implement  emergency survival plan. Good thing I brought MRE peanut butter and crackers in my luggage.

More to come…

Murv

Well, to some extent they go hand in hand. Love, lust, and all points in between. You start out in lust and as you get to know one another the lust becomes love, and if you are lucky, they blend together to become this Love/Lust amalgam that carries on throughout your relationship and/or marriage.

But, before you get all excited or start calling me Doctor Phil, I should point out that I’m actually here to talk to you about dominos again. And, no, still not the pizza.

You see, I’ve been married to EK now for Twen-koff-koff yea-koff…Okay…for real, 21+ years, and we “co-habitated” for a year prior to that. So, we’ve been ’round the block in the ol’ Radio Flyer a couple of times – always with me pulling as she beats me with a buggy whip and screams “faster, faster…watch out for that crack in the sidewalk…slow down…careful around that turn…faster, faster!” But, as usual, that’s one of those “other” blogs (actually, they probably wouldn’t even let me post it here…but I digress…)

My point being, I’m no stranger to the relationship game, marriage game, whatever… Now, let’s be clear. I am in no way claiming to have all the answers. Hell, I don’t have ANY of the answers. I just pull the wagon and do what I’m told. I’m merely pointing out that I do have at least a passing familiarity with interpersonal relationships between two folks who make up a couple.

Since the EK and I have been together for better than two decades, just like any other couple we have settled into some behavioral patterns. This is not to say that love and lust are gone. The love is there stronger than it was in the beginning, and growing daily. Lust…well…can’t really get into that here (LOL)… But, like I said, as with any couple, patterns will emerge. Ways of interacting. It’s just all part of life. Therefore, a half hour or so ago when I nonchalantly and jokingly said to my wife, “what are you making for dinner tonight?” her response came as no surprise, and the dominos began to teeter…

I suppose you might need a bit of background first…You see, my wife almost never makes dinner. In fact, whenever I go on tour for a week or two at a time, I spend the week prior to my departure working in the kitchen – cooking, packaging, and freezing meals in reusable “freezer to microwave” containers so that I know she and my daughter will eat something other than crackers and yogurt. It’s not that she’s lazy. She’s about as far from lazy as you can get… Hell, I wish I had her energy… It is just that she really dislikes cooking. With a passion it seems. Me, on the other hand, having grown up in a family with diners and restaurants, I absolutely love to cook. So, this makes at least part of the division of labor in our home a no brainer. Put simply, the kitchen is my domain.

But, like I said at the outset, there are dominos involved here, and again, I’m not talking about pizza…even though we are on the subject of food.

To inspect this particular dot-covered game piece we have to turn back the clock to a time EARLY in our marriage. Back when, even though we had dated for some time, then cohabitated for an entire year, and then even been legally married in the eyes of the law for a couple more years, we were still in that state of semi-honeymoon. Not the face-sucking-sex-in-every-room-with-reckless-abandon phase, mind you. Just the hyperactive love-lust combination where you want to impress your partner because you love them so much – and again, I want to be clear on this impressing thing – I’m not talking about dressing up in a negligee and posing next to the bedroom door while batting eyelashes (come to think of it, that’s a pretty good domino too, but I probably wouldn’t fit in that negligee anymore…just kidding… I mean just kidding about the negilgee, not the fitting into it part… you know what I mean…dammit, I’ve never owned a negligee, so just stop it!)

Back to the story… sheesh…ya’ bunch of weirdos…

So, in this particular instance we are talking about dinner. You see, way back when, during the days of hyperlovelustwhatever, the evil redhead decided to make dinner. (They “make” dinner here in the north, as opposed to fixing dinner, like it’s supposed to be done) Now, not being a big fan of the kitchen she wasn’t about to get herself into a major project (I’d like to take a moment to point out that it isn’t that she can’t cook, because she can. It’s simply that she hates cooking.) But still, she intended to “make” dinner. And, so she did. Cheesy tuna and noodles Tuna Helper^TM. Now, before you think I am about to complain, guess again. I happen to like tuna casserole, and mac n’ cheese, and yes, cheesy tuna and noodles. It was all good.

So, my lovely bride served up a big, steaming dish of Tuna Helper^TM, happy with herself and confident in the fact that she had done something nice for me that I would appreciate. And, I did. Harboring the same hyperlovelustwhatever as she, I sat at the table and shoveled in the Tuna Helper^TM while smiling and telling her how wonderful it was, as well as how much I appreciated her fixing dinner. In fact, I was so overwhelmed with hyperlovelustwhatever that I didn’t even hint at the fact that there was something terribly, and fundamentally wrong with the meal. Not something that would make you ill, mind you, but something fundamentally wrong, nonetheless, given what it was supposed to be. The meal went on, the dishes were washed, and well, I can’t really remember what else happened that night, but I suspect that since we were working on remodeling the house at the time we were probably both exhaused and just went to bed then straight to sleep – none of the “not so blog safe” material to worry about this time.

So, everything was good. I had done my duty and nothing need ever be said about the problem with the meal. The EK was happy, I was happy, and even the cats were as happy as cats can be.

The next day, however, it became apparent that my plan to protect the evil redhead from personal embarrassment had gone terribly awry. At this point I cannot remember exactly what I was doing at the moment of realization. I do, however, have vivid recollection of EK walking into the room with an unopened can of tuna in her hand, which she had found sitting on the kitchen counter right where she had left it the night before. With a look of realization flooding her face, she stared at me and stated, as much as asked, complete with a matter-of-fact incredulity, “I forgot to put the tuna in the Tuna Helper last night, didn’t I?”

I could not tell a lie, but I also didn’t want to add insult to injury. I simply replied, “No worries. It was really good macaroni and cheese.”

The domino in this case? Well, it didn’t have to knock much over. You see, this afternoon when I jokingly asked my wife what she would be “making” for dinner, without missing a beat she replied, “Hamburger Helper without the hamburger.”

We’re older now, and while we still have that hyperlovelustwhatever thing going on, I’ve learned I don’t really have to suffer (unless I want to, that is, but again, different blog…)

I think I’ll just go ahead and “make” dinner tonight.

More to come…

Murv