BRAINPAN LEAKAGE

Merry Christmas, Happy Yule, Happy Hanukkah, yadda yadda…

Or, if you prefer, Bah Humbug.

There. Hopefully the bases are pretty much covered.

Anywho, if you didn’t find what you were looking for under the tree, I have a feeling I know why. You see, E K has the guy in the red suit a bit tied up. Don’t believe me?

Evil Kat Holds Santa Hostage

See? Told ya…

(And yes, that really is Evil Kat. I know I said she doesn’t show up on film, but it’s Christmas and all. That really is Santa too. Trust me. His friggin’ reindeer are pooping up my lawn even as I type… But, E K is having fun and that’s what counts…)

So, anyway, if you happened to be one of the lucky folks who got a visit from Lackey Claus prior to E K getting her hands… or foot, I guess… on him, and he just happened to have left an e-reader under your tree, well then have I got a deal for you!

Not only is Merrie Axemas: A Killer Holiday Tale, my holiday-themed novella available for download both free and cheap, depending on where you dowload, there are some other specials going on today as well.

Merrie Axemas: A Killer Holiday Tale – FREE Via Smashwords

https://www.smashwords.com/books/view/33538 – COUPON CODE – MY75G

Merrie Axemas: A Killer Holiday Tale – 99¢ Via Amazon.com

http://www.amazon.com/dp/B004GHNE4W/

ALSO HARM NONE: A ROWAN GANT INVESTIGATION – FREE E-BOOK

(Book #1 in the series – coupon code good today only!)

Harm None: A Rowan Gant Investigation – COUPON CODE – UK83R

AND FROM NOW THROUGH THE END OF THE YEAR

ALL ROWAN GANT E-BOOKS JUST  $2.95  AT SMASHWORDS.COM

(Coupon codes good through midnight December 31, 2010)

Harm None: A Rowan Gant Investigation – COUPON CODE – HF92Z

Never Burn A Witch: A Rowan Gant Investigation – COUPON CODE – SS92U

Perfect Trust: A Rowan Gant Investigation – COUPON CODE – RY45J

The Law Of Three: A Rowan Gant Investigation – COUPON CODE – AC36W

Crone’s Moon: A Rowan Gant Investigation – COUPON CODE – NF94W

Love Is The Bond: A Rowan Gant Investigation – COUPON CODE – DK34A

All Acts Of Pleasure: A Rowan Gant Investigation – COUPON CODE – PR99Q

The End Of Desire: A Rowan Gant Investigation – COUPON CODE – YL53T

Blood Moon: A Rowan Gant Investigation – COUPON CODE – JX39Q

Miranda: A Rowan Gant Investigation – COUPON CODE – YJ65F

So, better take advantage of the deals while you can, and tell everyone you know who has an e-reader. I have NO IDEA when E K is going to let the fat guy loose…

More to come…

Murv

First she steals my heart…

Then she steals my freedom…

Next she steals my French fries… (right off my plate)

And then she steals my virginity… Wait… No… That was already gone.

Thing is, now she’s stealing my schtick.

Yeah, I know, Richard Castle is already doing that, but I can’t say too much about that. Last time I did I pissed off the fan club shill.

But, even with everything else, now E K – Her Supreme Evil Redheaded Goddess Techno MILF – is taking my schtick. No, not that schtick… She got that one even before we were married, and she doesn’t even let me see it, much less play with it anymore.

I’m talking about the part where I’m funny.

Okay, stop laughing, I am too funny.

Seriously. Enough.

All right then… So, there I was, engaged in my morning routine. You know, the one that starts at 5:30 AM where I get the coffee going, then give her Eebilness a back massage, followed by setting out her breakfast stuff, yadda yadda…

And that’s when it happened.

There she was, the Eebil Redhead, standing in the kitchen in her sheer black negligee and stiletto heeled mules, as she does every single morning, looking like she had just stepped out of the pages of a Frederick’s of Hollywood catalog…

Wait… That was while I was still asleep. Let’s fast forward a bit…

There she was, the Eebil Redhead, fiery hair sticking out at all sorts of odd angles, one eye shut, clad in sweats and a fuzzy bathrobe. How’s that for truth in advertising?

Anyway, she was standing at the counter peering into a fresh box of Raisin Bran. If you remember my previous blog entries, you know that E K must have Raisin Bran every morning, otherwise people suffer – namely me. I came around the corner just in time to see her eyeball the contents, then eyeball the bowl she had just filled. She did this a couple of times, then closed the top on the box and began to shake it in a most violent fashion. She bounced it up and down, rattled it, beat it on the counter, slung it around in a circle, then shook it some more.

Then she opened it, eyeballed it, eyeballed the bowl, and then did it all over again.

Unable to take it any longer I asked, “Ummmm… What in the world are you doing?”

“Imma rebbstrupping nabn race pins,” she mumbled. You have to understand, when she’s half asleep she speaks the same language she does when she’s drunk (See: Gimme Mai Shooz…)

“What?” I asked.

“Imma rebbstrupping nabn race pins.”

“What?” I asked again, because that’s what I say when I don’t understand someone. Truth is I’ve been saying that a lot lately.

With an exasperated sigh, she cocked her head, put a hand on her hip, drew in a breath and half yelled, “I’m redistributing the raisins!”

“Oh, okay…” I replied. I stood and watched her in silence for a moment, then asked, “Why?”

She pointed at the bowl and said, “Two scoops in every box and I’ve got one of ’em right here.”

I love you honey. I even obey you and try not to complain too much when you beat me severely, use me as a doormat, and steal my French fries…

But now you’re crossing the line. Observational Satire and the associated witty commentary are MY things. You need to stick with being unbelievably smokin’ hot and incredibly evil. It works for you.

Me, on the other hand, humor is all I’ve got.

More to come…

Murv