BRAINPAN LEAKAGE

It has been quite a while since I’ve done a Frequently Asked Questions blog, so I though maybe it might be time for one, especially when you consider that I’ve had a few questions being asked frequently as of late…

Believe it or not, as silly as some of the questions may seem, they have actually been asked by someone other than the voices inside my head. And, you will notice that some of these questions have appeared in past FAQ blogs. Why are they here now? Because people are still asking them. Frequently. As in, a lot.

Srsly.

So, without further mucking about, it’s time for…

ASK MERP!

1. I just read (or recently read, or at some point read) Merrie Axemas: A Killer Holiday Tale, and loved it (hated it, think you suck, WTF, Christmas is over you putz). Will you be continuing the story at all?

The short answer is: Yes. The long answer is: Yes. (That is to say, look for the full-length novel, In The Bleak Midwinter, coming November 2011.)

2. Why haven’t I ever heard of you before?

Hmm… Uhh… Well… Umm, best guess? I have no friggin’ clue. But don’t worry, I haven’t heard of you either, so we’re all good.

3. Do you write every day?

Yes. While I don’t necessarily work on a novel project on the weekends, I write something every single day, whether it’s a blog entry, notes, a bit of poetry, or a random journal entry.

4. If you were a tree, what kind of tree would you be?

Srsly? Okay, you asked for it – A hardwood. Take that however you want.

5. I read in an interview where you said that you give your wife a 30 minute back rub every morning. Is that true?

No. It used to be, but she changed the setting on the alarm clock while I was out of town, so now it’s a 45 minute back rub. Since I have more traveling ahead of me, I suspect by the end of the summer she will have adjusted the alarm clock enough that it will be a two-hour back rub by sometime around mid-August this year.

6. Will you ever be growing your ponytail back?

I’ve grown accustomed to being able to escape the clutches of the evil redhead – at least part of the time – now that she doesn’t have the built-in leash to grab onto. So, I’d have to say growing it back isn’t very high on my priority list.

7. When are you going to write the Rowan Gant cookbook you talked about?

Me and my big mouth. I really have no clue. Srsly. I don’t. I know I babbled about it once upon a time, and apparently it resonated with some of you. I haven’t ruled it out, but it’s not residing on the top of the projects pile either. However, when I do, I’ll be sure to shout it from the rooftops.

8. When are you coming to [insert town, city, state, country here]?

When someone books me to do a gig there, most likely. Book tours aren’t as common as they once were, due to the economy, the changes in the publishing industry, and the surge of social media. However, if someone books me for a gig, I’m there. To do that, contact my publicist: Wendy at promo_dept@willowtreepress.com

9. When is there going to be a Rowan Gant Investigations movie?

When someone buys the rights and makes one. That’s about all I can say. At this juncture, nobody has optioned any of the books in the series, so it’s doubtful you will see one in the near future. The same goes for TV.

10. I read somewhere that you get up at 4:30 in the morning every day. Is that true, and why?

I wake up at around 4:30 AM, give or take a few minutes. My feet don’t generally hit the floor until 5 or 5:30. As to why, I have a very high maintenance wife. Her breakfast doesn’t fix itself.

But seriously, on the “why,” it’s my internal clock. I spent a lot of time on a farm growing up, and even when I was in the city, my family was of the early rising type. It’s kinda baked on and I haven’t been able to scrub it off, no matter how hard I try.

That’s it for this edition of ASK MERP! Keep those cards and letters coming. The sponsors won’t pay up unless I can prove you’re watching…

More to come…

Murv

Some of you may remember awhile back I had a series of blog entries about “Merp the Tech Hamster.” If you don’t, then go here:

February Is Hamster Month

Just follow the “Next” at the bottom of the entry, and each subsequent entry, to see all eight. Suffice it to say, way back when I used to doodle a bit. I’m definitely not what you would call an artist, but I could come up with a passable stick figure when pressed to do so.

As it happens, I used to doodle all sorts of things. Some of them utterly worthless, some of them not half bad, some of them not fit for mixed company – but that’s a different story. At any rate, I was surprised and delighted to receive an email the other day from a former co-worker. We’ll call her the Tamminator. Mostly because her name is Tammi. That, and the fact that I once saw her stomp on a bug with malicious intent. His name was…  Well, that’s a whole ‘nother story too, suffice it to say I’m willing to bet he has a few scars to this day.

Either way, I worked with the Tamminator for several years, and as we know I tend to amuse myself by poking fun at stuff. Well, I tried not to poke fun at the Tamminator, lest I meet the same fate as that guy… I mean, bug… but I did poke fun at stuff around her. One thing in particular being her ferrets.

You see, she had pet ferrets. Now, I need to point something out here – I’m not a ferret person. I don’t have anything against them personally, but I’m just not a ferret kinda guy. I leave that up to Major Frank Burns (Gratuitous M*A*S*H reference for you youngsters out there)… So anyway, the Tamminator used to have pictures of her ferrets on her desktop, and used to babble incessantly about them like they were kids. Fair enough, everyone talks about their pets that way.

But you know me. It gave me fodder…

One of the things she used to talk about was the ferrets doing what she called the “weasel war dance” whenever they were getting ready to play tussle with one another, or attack an empty paper towel tube or some such. She also had a picture of one of them peeking through the blinds as if on some sort of stealth recon.

And, well… I just couldn’t NOT do something with that… So, here you have the attachment from that recent email. A doodling of the military ferret kind, inspired by the old Sgt. Rock type of comic books from my youth, where in the early pages they would introduce the members of a particular squad.

The Tamminator is pretty sure she has more of these doodles, and if she runs across them I’m sure she’ll shoot them my way. To be perfectly honest, until this showed up, I had completely forgotten about drawing them.

And so, without further rambling, I give you…

The 151st Airborne Attack Ferrets

Image Copyright © M. R. Sellars

"Taking stuff and hiding it is our mission..."

More to come…

Murv