BRAINPAN LEAKAGE

We have a server based LAN in our house. I suppose it stemmed from being a computer guy for so many years, but since we have several systems, both desktop and notebook, it seemed logical to keep all of the shared files in one place. Over the years of remodeling, etc, CAT-5E has been threaded through the walls, high-speed switches mounted, wireless access points added for convenience, and the whole nine yards. Because of this, the computing power and peripheral device integration in our home has increased exponentially over the years, thereby becoming an important part of our lives where household management and even personal management of my profession is concerned.

Still, no matter how much computing, printing, scanning, or communications power all these electronic devices have, they are still nothing more than machines.

Then something happened that made me question that notion…

“Dammit…” E K muttered.

Her exclamation was followed by several angry sounding beeps, all punctuated by the staccato clicking of something patently plastic in sound. Several more beeps filled the air, then came a hard, bass chord that seemed to say, “stop right there!”

A frustrated yowl – much the same as one would hear coming from an angry Siamese feline – caught in The Evil Redhead’s throat, rumbling back at the noise as if a cat fight were about to ensue. Given the sound, my guess is that possibility was only off by a single letter, that being a K instead of a C followed by an at.

“DAMMIT!” she hissed, this time with far more feeling.

All of this was occurring behind my back – literally…

I was seated at my desk, answering email and generally enjoying my five minute break from being E Kay’s personal lackey. She’s occasionally generous like that. On Christm… I mean Katsmas, she even lets me have a whole 15 minute break, though usually not all at once. There are after all her needs to be considered, and they greatly outweigh my need for a break, or so I am told.

But anyway, I was just entering minute 2 of my serendipitous 5 minute break – the first one I’d been granted since Katsmas, mind you – and her grumbling started. I considered remaining quiet in hopes that she would forget that I was even in the room, but I knew it was a lost cause. E K misses nothing.

Resigning myself to the fact that I had no choice but the forfeit the remaining 3 minutes of my break, I spoke up.

“Oh High Exalted Queen Of All that Is,” I began – that’s what she makes me call her, you see – “What seems to be the problem?”

She let out an extremely frustrated sigh, then hissed back at me, “The network won’t let me access anything. It says I’m a threat.”

It was at this moment I realized our network was more than just a bunch of machines strung together by wires and high frequency signals. It had somehow become the thing computer scientists have been striving to create since the first faint glow of UNIVAC’s vacuum tubes.

I mean, just think about it for a minute… A pile of circuitry and wiring recognized the fact that E K is… well…evil… and it considers her a threat to the network. I don’t know about you, but I’d call that some pretty sophisticated Artificial Intelligence.

More to come…

Murv