BRAINPAN LEAKAGE

Well, I don’t honestly know the actual issue. I’ve lost track and I’m just too lazy to go back and look. At any rate, I’m not getting any “real” writing done today because the Munchkin is home with a possible case of Strep Throat. Makes concentrating a bit hard when you have a sick child on the couch and cartoons blaring from the television, if you know what I mean.

So, anyway, since it has been awhile since I’ve posted a FAQ Blog, I thought I’d do something about it. So, without further fuss, here are some of the questions I get in person and in email on a regular basis, along with something resembling answers…

1) Are you and Dorothy Morrison married?

Yes. But we are NOT married to each other. Dorothy is married to a terrific guy by the name of Mark. I am married to a terrific gal named Evil Kat. Well, actually her name is just Kat, but she is kind of Evil, so she does actually answer to EK.

Now, I suppose this question probably stems from the fact the Dorothy and I tour together very often. To put it simply, Dorothy is pretty much like my big sister. We also tend to click when it comes to doing workshops together, and have even been described by some reviewers as a Pagan “Burns and Allen”. So, there you go.

2) Are you and your wife in an open relationship?

Believe it or not, I really do get this question…

Okay…Let’s see how I can answer this… We are open with each other. But, I know that isn’t what you are asking. I can pretty much sum this up in one word. Monogamy.

So, no. My wife and I are not into poly, swapping, free love, yadda yadda. This is not to say we have anything against anyone who is. If that is your schtick, hey, good on ya’. It’s just not for us.

I am sure I will find myself answering this question again. But, there you go…

3) Do you plan to write anything besides the Rowan Gant books?

Yes. I do plan to write other books. When, I have no idea. As long as the demand is there for the RGI series, it gets hard for me to NOT release one per year. Unfortunately, between touring and writing, about one book per year is about all I have time to write at this point.

4) Is there ever going to be a Rowan Gant movie?

I have no clue. It would be very cool, but I don’t have any contracts from any movie studios, so until that happens I’d have to say…yes/no/maybe… (Shrug)…Honestly, I just don’t know.

5) Is the RGI character, Felicity O’Brien, bisexual?

Honestly, this question confuses me. Let me answer it by asking this: At some point during the series has Felicity done something which lead you to believe she might be bi?

If so, please tell me what it is so I can go re-read it myself.

6) Will the RGI character, Ben Storm, ever get back together with his wife?

I have absolutely no idea. He hasn’t said anything about that at this point. If he does, I will be the second to know (he’ll be the first), my pre-readers will be the third, my editor the fourth, and you, the reader, will be number five.

7) When will Rowan and Felicity have children?

When Felicity turns up pregnant and carries full term.

8) What is RGI character Constance Mandalay’s shoe size?

Same as Felicity’s.

I was recently informed that this question was asked as a roundabout way of trying to figure out Constance’s stature in relation to Ben’s. Apparently there was some kind of speculation going on with regard to how the two of them physically interact in the bedroom. (And here all this time I thought I was writing suspense thrillers, not erotica… (shrug)…)

9) Are you a member of any writing/critiquing groups?

I am a member of an online group and many of us are spread out across the country. I have, however, met several of the folks in person.

10) I heard that there is a Rowan Gant based short story being published. Is that true and can I get details?

Yes. I wrote a short story for a horror anthology tentatively titled, Courting Morpheus. It is due out from Apex Publications mid 2008. And, yes, the story I wrote includes a portion of the gang from the RGI series. I will give more details when my editor tells me it’s okay.

That’s it for now… More to come…

Murv

Wellllll, it seems the topic of Wendy’s struck a chord with many of you. I’ve received many comments and emails asking me to tell the story now instead of waiting until I come off the road.

We are still in Sanford, Maine, but right now Morrison is waxing prophetic about various things to a room full of folks (i.e. she’s giving a workshop and I’m not)…Sooooo, that means I actually have a little free time between signing books for folks. It’s probably the only free time I will have until we reach the end of the tour so I thought I’d drop in and run off at the mouth myself.

Big surprise, right? (Grin)

So, here’s the thing…I like hamburgers. Cheeseburgers, actually. Now, given a choice I will go for a really good restaurant style burger, but I don’t always have that opportunity. In a pinch, I’ll go for a fast food burger, and that includes Wendy’s. Now, of course, they have the odd notion (much like White Castle or Krystal’s) that hamburgers are square. This is something that I have problems wrapping my head around (yes, I know they stack and ship easier that way, but hamburger are round, cornbread are square where I come from…) Still, as fast food burgers go, Wendy’s makes an edible “sammich”. And, White Castles (i.e. belly bombers, sliders, whatever) are just horribly addictive. This is one of the reasons why I am inclined to believe there is something terribly evil about square hamburgers.

Anyhow, this book tour started in Nashville, TN…Burns, actually…And that was great. I’ll talk more about that leg of the trip when I do the flying pigs blog…Stop number two, however, was Indianapolis, IN. We started out on Monday last (5/21) with a fairly leisurely drive to Indiana from St. Louis. We hooked up with one of our favorite folks, Edain McCoy, who was gracious enough to open her home to us.

After the gig at Inner Path that evening, we were hungry. Now, something I’ve rambled about in the past is the fact that when authors get together they kibbitz and commiserate. Since we hadn’t seen Edain for some time, we decided we would all go back to her place, get in our “jammies”, order a pizza, and then visit for a few hours before grabbing some sleep.

This is where problem one occurs. Edain lives in a new subdivision that is outside Indianapolis proper, and no one was willing to deliver. Problem 1A is that there isn’t much around her area other than a CVS and a Wendy’s…Since the CVS was closed already (not to mention that we weren’t really all about nuking a frozen dinner), Wendy’s it was…

We all put our shoes back on (yeah, after being on your feet and such at a booksigning it is a great relief to do the patented “Die Hard” practice of kicking off your shoes and walking around making fists with your toes. Fortunately, Hans Gruber hasn’t shown up to chase me yet whenever I have done this…) So, anyway, we climb in the car and head for Wendy’s.

We reach the lovely oasis of square pressed beef patties and park. About the time we reach the door we discover a sign which says “Short Staff – Use Drive Thru – The Management”…Okay, no big deal. We get back in the car and put ourselves into the queue. When we finally reach the menu board a very unhappy sounding voice barks “Can I help you?”

Well, since I was driving I was charged with the duty of dolling out the orders, so I start the first of the three and the voice suddenly barks again, “You’re going to have to wait a minute.”

Okay. Obviously this person is harried here. No biggie, we wait.

And we wait…

And we wait.

Then we waited some more.

Finally, the still rather pissy voice comes back on and says, “Sorry for your wait, what would you like to order.” As an aside, I don’t actually believe she was sorry at all, but that might just be me…Anyway, I tell her, “I have a few orders here,” and then I give her the first. It happens to be Morrison’s and she wants something akin to a double burger with no pickles or ketchup and a side order of left handed wingnuts with flying monkeys. Okay, so I can’t remember her exact order at this point, but suffice it to say I couldn’t get across to Morrison that we weren’t at Burger King and that Wendy’s motto was NOT have it your way. But, Morrison never listens to me anyway, and to be honest that’s not actually an important point.

It was at this point the pissy voice barks back, “Are these going to be all on one order?!”

Okay…My bad. I had used the phrase “a few orders” so I can easily understand the confusion. I replied, “Yes, it’s all one order.”

This was problem two. Miss Piss on the other side of the intercom didn’t let me get even that short sentence completely out of my mouth before once again demanding to know if it was one order or if it was going to be several tickets. As soon as I could get a word in edgewise I said, “No hon, it’s all on one but I just have to get the individual orders from a few different folks in the car.”

Now…I am willing to admit that there might have been a bit of mild exasperation in my voice, but nothing angry or pissy. I even have witnesses to that effect. I am also willing to own the fact that I said “hon”. Maybe that was a problem too, but I am from the South and that is not a particularly abnormal thing to say. Of course, maybe in Indianapolis it is viewed as condescending, I don’t know. If it is, I can only apologize and say that it certainly wasn’t my intention. Either way, I am willing to own those two points and state that if they were the problem I am at fault.

However, I don’t think that was the problem. What I am inclined to believe is that someone didn’t feel like working. Anyhow, Miss Piss proceeds to begin talking over me again. This time, however, she shouts something on the order of, “There’s no reason for you to have an attitude and if you’re going to give me attitude you can just leave!”

Remember, she didn’t “say” this. She SHOUTED this.

We all blinked.

We blinked again.

Even with the highway nearby you could hear a pin drop.

Then we collectively picked up our jaws and reseated them on our faces.

Morrison tells everyone now, after the fact, that she was sitting there counting down because she knew we had about five seconds before the tires would squeal. I don’t doubt this. We know each other fairly well.

Well…About five seconds later, the tires squealed. Not because I was being hot headed, but just the nature of accelerating away across asphalt while turning the wheel. As we pulled from the parking lot, Miss Piss actually hung out of the drive through window and screamed very sarcastically, “Have a nice evening!”

Morrison has perpetuated this story all over Pennsylvania and New England ever since. Everywhere we go she now tells everyone that, “Sellars got her kicked out of a Wendy’s in Indianapolis.” Of course, she does then tell the story so that everyone knows she is just joking about the “kicked out” part.

I have to wonder if Dave Thomas is rolling over in his grave. Who knows…Maybe he will haunt his daughter and while she is surfing the web perhaps she will run across this blog and discover the fresh tarnish on her name.

Oh, and by the way, we did finally get something to eat…We had Taco Bell for dinner that evening, and it was very good. The people working there were even pleasant and polite.

I think I’ll probably visit Taco Bell again. Wendy’s, not so much.

I guess this just proves that square hamburgers really are evil. Something even tells me Miranda probably likes them a lot…

We are off to Long Island tomorrow for an evening book signing and workshop, so I doubt I’ll have much of a chance to post anything more until the end of the tour.

So….Till the next time…

Murv