BRAINPAN LEAKAGE

…Geriatric Fetish Dominatrix Hooker.

Yeah, that got your attention, didn’t it? And, no, it’s not just a ploy to get you to read this blog. Well, not entirely, anyway (wink wink, nudge nudge).

So, what am I babbling about?

Well, you see, about a week ago I was in New Orleans to attend, and support, my good friend Dorothy Morrison’s book release for Utterly Wicked: Curses, Hexes, and Other Unsavory Notions. Now, a book release is a big deal. It is a party where the book is first rolled out and made available for purchase, usually a week or so prior to the official “street date” set by the publisher. So, Dorothy arranged for her release party to be in NOLA–in the French Quarter, in fact, at a wonderful store on Dumaine called Esoterica. Mimi, the owner, had her annual soiree in conjunction with it, that way there was a really huge party with Champagne, Caviar, and tons of other food & drink. A host of wonderful folks attended, all decked out in Witchy costumes, from downright scary to, dare I say it, sexy.

This is where the Geriatric Fetish Dominatrix Hooker comes in…

The thing is, Morrison wanted this to be a big deal (which it was) and since the title of the book is Utterly Wicked, well…ummm…Okay, let me break it down-

Morrison, as I have explained before, is OLDER THAN DIRT. I doubt I need to provide the calculation here again, but suffice it to say she is what you’d call Geriatric. So, anyway, she plans out this whole outfit for the release. Imagine if you will, Dorothy Morrison decked out as follows:

Black silk peasant blouse with lace cuffs, black satin boned corset, black leather miniskirt, black fishnet stockings, black Steve Madden boots (ostensibly named “The Sergeant” because they are patterned somewhat after combat boots- but, only in that they are made of both canvas and patent leather, and lace up in the front) with 5 inch stiletto heels, and a black hat with a lace thingamajig hanging down her back.

Yeah…Like I said… Geriatric Fetish Dominatrix Hooker. All she needed was a cat ‘o nine to complete the ensemble.

Anyway, she got herself all decked out in this getup, then pranced through the quarter, a walk spanning about 10 blocks from the St. Louis Hotel down to Mimi’s shop. Horns were honking, there were catcalls, whistles, near collisions from people craning their necks, and even a few disapproving stares from the hotel staff. (I think maybe they thought I’d been keeping a hooker in my room)

I know there are pictures because flashes were going off all night. Hopefully some will get emailed to me so I can show you this getup, because I’m not kidding.

However, geriatric or not, I have to admit that Morrison looked sharp and definitely had it going on. Hell, when she was getting ogled as we walked down the street I just couldn’t help myself- I told all of the panting guys to back off, because I had already paid her and secured her services for the evening.

More to come…

Murv

There is an old adage, which basically states: If you give someone enough rope, they will hang themselves.

This is a pretty good deal. It keeps your hands clean and effectively rids you of the annoyances associated with getting a suitable hood for the person, finding a sturdy tree, and even borrowing a horse if you don’t happen to have one.

Yesterday, I posted a blog about my wonderful publicist. How he, of his own volition, brought me a “care package” of some of my favorite comfort foods because he knows I am on a deadline.

Over the past few days, after me trying to be the good brother and set up come creature comforts for Morrison and Madden later this year– behind the scenes, mind you– Madden took it upon herself to make these things public. Of course, in doing so, I became the whipping boy (not that this is particularly unusual, but I’d grown accustomed to not being flogged in public since it hadn’t happened in a while. Guess I just got complacent…My bad.)

At any rate, today, Madden has once again seen fit to post not ONE, but TWO blogs tossing sour grapes in my direction. Why? Because my publicist did something nice for me, and I thanked him and sang his praises in my blog .

Hence, give someone enough rope, they’ll hang themselves. Madden has just proven out her “Divaness” by being jealous and going on and on about it…

Poor Bird Lady… I guess all those feathers have finally gotten to her.

More to come…

Murv

PS. For those of you who might not know this– These tit for tat blogs between Dorothy, Kristin, and me are all in fun. We actually had someone think we were serious some time ago, and I don’t want that happening again. We are all incredibly good friends, and we are merely picking at one another for fun.