Way back in the archives of Brainpan Leakage – and I do mean way back, because the entry I am about to reference was originally written when BL was still hosted over on my Myspank page – I had myself one of those Andy Rooney moments about “catch phrases” on the FoodNetwork shows.  You know, Emeril’s “Bam”, Tyler Florence’s “Flavorful”, and Guy Fieri’s “Off The Hook”… Not that “branding” is a bad thing. Truth is, branding is important. E K does it to all of her possessions, which is why I am sitting on a pillow right now.

Okay, okay… So, E K doesn’t really do that. (She uses a Sharpie)… But, what would a Brainpan Leakage blog entry be without an E K reference, correct?

So, back to this branding thing. I get it. I understand it. Hell, the RGI series even has a catch phrase – “Sometimes it takes more than a cop to stop a killer. It takes a Witch.”

My dear friend Dorothy Morrison and I have toured together so much and done so many workshops together that we have been branded with the tag, “Wingnuts” all because of a story we tell about a crazy person who hi-jacked one of my seminars at the RWB many years ago.

So yes… I definitely get it. However, another Andy Rooney moment happened upon me very recently, and it had everything to do with the proverbial “catch phrase”.

Ahemm…hmmm…ahem… So, did’jya ever notice…

Okay, so I won’t kype Andy’s catch phrase this time. However, I will tell you about the latest “phrase craze” that is making my brain hurt –

“Pitch Me”

Now, I don’t know how many of you out there have heard this one. All I can say is that I hear it constantly. Because of my profession I do quite a few interviews, podcasts, etc. It’s all part of the game. Truth is, the saying among authors is that once you finish the manuscript, that’s when the real work begins.

Fortunately, I like doing podcasts, radio, print interviews, and chats. I think it’s fun. I get to meet new people and talk about all kinds of cool stuff, myself included – not that I think I’m all that cool, but on occasion other folks think I am and that’s a nice boost when my ego sags, which it can tend to do at times. We all have those moments, except E K, of course. (Two E K refs! WooHoo, I’m on a roll!)

So anyway, this “Pitch Me” thing. I receive email on a fairly regular basis from magazines, newspapers, podcasts, etc, which are asking me if I’d be willing to do an interview. Sometimes I, or one of my publicists, will contact a particular venue and wave my flag to let them know I’m available and would love to do their show or what have you. Lately, however, the response from these folks – whether they are making first contact or I am – is, “Pitch Me”…

Now, I want to point out, not ALL of them are doing this, but the vast majority seem to be…

Honestly, I know exactly what they mean. They want me, or my publicists, to tell them why I would be a good interview for their show or publication. That makes perfect sense, so I’m not complaining there – although, if they are soliciting me I would think they would already know whether or not I fit their format, but that’s just a personal observation.

And, to be sure, the first couple of times I heard “Pitch Me” it wasn’t a big deal. I wasn’t fazed at all. However, much like “bam”, “flavorful”, “off the hook”, “roast off”, and all the FoodNetwork overused catch phrases, “Pitch Me” has become so overused that it is painful to both my eyes and ears.

So, for all of the “Pitch Me’s” out there, I have decided I need an appropriate catch phrase response as well:

“Catch Me”

I guess it’s a good thing I have publicists to handle that stuff, eh? Hell,  for all I know they probably say “Pitch Me” too…

😉

More to come…

Murv

THE PUF REPORT: Part 3 of 5

As a rule, PUF always has a mascot.

Now, the thing about the mascot is that it changes every year. I’m not entirely sure what the first few mascots happened to be, because while I have been headlining the fest for something like 8 years, I came into the mix somewhere around the time of PUF #3.

Back in ’01, when #3 happened, the “mascots” were sheep. Not real sheep, mind you. Nobody wanted to clean up the sheep poo.  So, real grass eating wool makers were replaced by the next best thing – life-sized cardboard cutouts made in their likeness. But then, they eventually progressed not only into cutouts, but plush stuffed animals and plastic toys as well. Which is one of the things that drove the mascot diversity PUF is known for today. Even so, I believe sheep were still the mascot in ’02, as to this very day I have a nubbly little plastic novelty toy sheeplike thing that was somewhat of a party favor handed out at the fest.

The picture above is obviously not a sheep. It was taken in ’08, when aliens invaded PUF. Although, now that I think about it, sheep and little green men might have gotten along just fine. Well, maybe not gotten along per se, but I’m betting the alien dudes would have had some fun with the sheep. What the sheep would have thought of that is anyone’s guess. I suppose it would largely depend upon the individual sheep and… well… things we simply won’t go into here.

Uhh… Ahem… So, moving right along…

Of course, the point here is basically to illustrate that the mascots have become an important – and expected – fixture at the Festival. To that end, I’d like to offer the following quote directly from the Festival Organizer herself,  Tish Owen. In her book, Chasing The Rainbow: Facilitating A Pagan Festival Without Losing Your Mind, she states:

WHY ARE THERE ANIMALS AT PUF? – We really have no good answers to that question, except that it amuses us. We did not start out with an animal mascot or even a name. But over the years, we have had too many bagels donated, cooked pigs, a sheep incident, the fire, the accident, the flood, and then we just started adding the animals for fun. Then at some point, someone started killing the mascots and it has devolved. We have had: bagels, sheep, pigs, penguins, flamingos, Chihuahuas, and flying pigs!

There have been more, such as the aliens, since the publication of her book. And, as you can see here on the right, she wasn’t kidding about the mascot killings. A poor, inflatable blue-green dude met his demise on the road right outside the VIP cabin one night. The scene was odd since no cars had come by for several hours, yet there it was, flat as the proverbial pancake. It definitely made us wonder if it was perhaps a “staged accident”.

But, at least in this case the particular end met was a bit more swift. Among other victims of the “serial mascot killer” another alien was found in the walk-in freezer in the dining hall. It was frozen solid, and still had a… well… there’s simply no delicate way to say this… It still had an “anal probe” protruding from its rectal orifice, which prompted site investigators to conclude that the green dude had been tortured as well as frozen to death. Of course, this theory led to… Yeah, you guessed it… An Alien Autopsy.

Sometimes there have been notes from the killer. Sometimes not. I think it largely depends upon the particular killing – that being whether it was one of the planned murders, or merely an opportunistic sort of hack and slash.

Still, there are times when the method or arrangement of the corpsified mascot remains is a message unto itself. For instance, during the year of the flying pigs many a winged swine met a horrible and terrible fate. One in particular was the little piggy who had none. In point of fact, the reason he had none is because he was the roast beast. He was even layered between two slices of breand and served up to Tish herself in her lunch one day – ostensibly so she could “taste test” the roast pork that was to be served for dinner that evening. It’s quite possible you heard her laughing when she unwrapped the sandwich, no matter where you happen to reside. We definitely heard her from one end of the campground to the other, and many points beyond.

By now I’m sure you are wondering just exactly what all this has to do with “dingles”… Well, nothing at all really. But, we’ll get to them eventually…

This year, 2009, was a first for PUF mascots. You see, instead of sheep, or frogs, or chee-hoowah-hoowah’s, we had Pirates. That’s right, Pirates. Not Pie Rats. Although, Pie Rats could possibly be fun. But, I digress…

Since the mascot was actual human being type of people it made things a bit more difficult on the “serial mascot killer”. After all, if you “kill” a stuffed, plush penguin, all you do is make a mess. If you actually kill a festival attendee who is dressed as a Pirate, the sheriff shows up and there are hard questions demanding answers. Therefore, miniature rubber duckies with pirate garb molded onto them served as the victims. Them, and Peeps. Yeah, I know, it was sort of like Peep sacrilege, but what can ya’ do?

Anywho, moving right along, this year’s PUF had a fantastic lineup of guest authors. Kristin Madden, Dorothy Morrison, Raven Grimassi & Stephanie Taylor, Moi, and even Christopher Penczak. (Can anyone see where this is going?)

Well, just in case you haven’t caught on just yet, think about the following… Pirates are the mascot, we are a bunch of authors who like hanging out together, because we are authors we make a living with words, and we all  pretty much have severely warped senses of humor… And, we’re punny… Very punny… Ya’ there yet?

Yeah… We dubbed ourselves the Pirates of Penczak…

But, even through the “bad pun groans” wafting from my PC speakers I can still hear you asking, “But, Murv, what the hell does all this have to do with a dingle? And, moreover, what the hell is a dingle anyway?”

Well, to answer the first question, not a damn thing.

To answer the second, you’ll have to ask Raven and Stephanie, because you see, all I know is Raven won’t let Stephanie go into the dingle by herself…

More to come…

Murv

The next installment in THE PUF REPORT: Part 4 of 5 – Food, Glorious Food…