BRAINPAN LEAKAGE

Have you ever noticed that when you go to your designated polling place to cast your vote, there are these blinders positioned on either side of the booth – be it punch card or electronic. Even the big honkin’ mechanical voting booths – which I am old enough to remember using, although some of you probably aren’t – had a curtain you pulled closed in order to hide what you were doing in there.

Why is that?

Well, it is because we are allowed privacy. The reality of the process is this – it is a “secret ballot.” That means it’s nobody else’s business for whom you cast your vote. Kinda cool, eh? You get to make up your own mind and not be taken to task for it. Democracy… Ain’t it grand?

So, here we are, right smack in the middle of another election year. The candidates are running willy-nilly about, screwing up, telling you what they think you want to hear, making promises they will never be able to keep – no matter how well intentioned – because the President is only one branch of the government and generally cannot make wholesale decisions without the approval of the house and senate.

So what? These candidates are human, they are going to make mistakes just like you and me, and telling you the bunch of well intentioned lies is the best way to influence you in order to get what they want. Besides, they probably even believe some of the dreck they are spouting. That’s all part of politics. We have to cope with it because it’s what we have, and while it certainly isn’t perfect, it’s close to, if not THE best game in town.

I won’t get started on some of the things I think our government is doing to undermine our freedoms – that’s another blog entirely. Probably several, in fact…

No, my running off at the mouth today is about “endorsements.” There is currently a celebrity endorsement bouncing all over Myspace… It even made the national news. Now, I happen to like said celeb. Not that I know him personally, or have even met him, because I don’t and I haven’t. But, I do like his movies, and I’m guessing he’d be a kick to sit down with and have a chat. So, this is NOT aimed at him… Actually, it is aimed more at the media…Why? Because his video endorsement made the national news…

I don’t get it.

Since when did starring in a few movies, thereby being in the public eye, make someone qualified to “endorse” a political candidate? Moreover, why the hell should the average joe on the street care one way of the other if an actor says “Vote for Wilson”?

Is it an, “I’m not a politician, but I play one on TV” sort of thing? I’m just curious… Why? Because I still don’t get it. Maybe I’m a big moron. Maybe I’m the one who should be talking to a volleyball. I dunno…

However, since this is apparently the trend, I certainly cannot pass up this promotional opportunity. Since I am at least somewhat in the public eye due to writing a mess of novels, I figure I need to get on the bandwagon too.

Therefore, it is time that I, as a minor league celeb, tell you for whom you should cast your vote, seeing as how you, the general public apparently have no ability to make up your own minds without the influence of people who have no better grasp of politics than you. Since I am, as I said, only a minor league celeb, I won’t go through the gyrations of making a video. I will simply do it via text.

So, here goes.

I want Geena Davis to be the next President of the United States. She played the part on TV already, so I’m betting she has a pretty good understanding of how the system works. Hell, if her series hadn’t been cancelled, she would probably have already accomplished getting us the hell out of Iraq, and gas would have been replaced by highly efficient and low cost, non-polluting fuel cells.

And, to take things a step further, I really think she should pick Martin Sheen as her running mate. He had a hell of a run in the White House, and given the incredible skills of his staff, I’m sure he can help Geena when it comes to picking her advisors.

There. Now I am going to sit here in my office and wait for a call from the Early Show.

I mean, since I am an official minor league celebrity and I have publicly announced my endorsement, I am certain Harry Smith and the crew will want to talk to me.

No offense to Harry, but I hope I get interviewed by Julie Chen. She seems like she would be a really nice person.

You know, come to think of it, maybe Geena should make her the Chief of Staff.

More to come…

Murv

No, not what’serface’s ex hubby. I mean the dude in the white truck with the logo on the side…You know, the company made even more famous by Tom Hanks and a volleyball named Wilson… The one that set up shop with Kinkys, er, I mean Kinkos…

Yeah, that FedEx.

And, yeah, it was a dude and not a dudette. I know because I saw him out my office window when he was heading back out to his truck.

So, what’s so special about the FedEx dude dropping by. Well, now that you ask, nothing really. However, the contents of the package he left on my porch are kind of cool.

Wanna know what it is?

Of course, since you are being so uppity, asking me what’s so special and stuff like that, maybe you don’t want to know.

What’s that?

Uh-huh…thought so.

Well I guess you should have thought about that before you said what you did. Maybe I’ll just keep it all to myself and you’ll just have to go around wondering what it is.

Nope. Won’t bother me a bit. Remember me? The guy who leaves cliffhangers at the ends of his books?…

Yeah. I kinda figured as much.

Uh-huh…Well…Okay…Apology accepted. Just don’t let it happen again…

So, anyway, now that we have all THAT settled, the contents of the nifty front porch box were none other than a bunch of promotional bookmarks!

Yeah? Well, I kinda think they’re cool.

Fine. Be that way.

For those of you who are still interested below is a scan. The bookmarks are 2 x 7 and two sided. (I know, it would be kind of hard to be one sided in a three+ dimensional universe, but what I mean is that they are imprinted on both sides…Sheesh! Why is everyone being so difficult today?)

Well, there you go. Bookmarks. I’m hoping the next package has an ipod, or something cool like that in it, but for now, I’m all good with the bookmarks.

From what I understand a lot of these will be going out to various Sci-Fi/Fantasy type conventions around the US, along with the official RGI Chapter Sampler booklets, for distribution on the “freebie/literature tables.”

A goodly portion of my newly delivered stash will travel around with me so I can give them away at booksignings, etc…

Of course, I suppose if anyone wants one and they aren’t going to be attending a convention or signing we will have to work something out. Maybe one of those send me an SASE kind of deals…Guess we’ll have to see if there is a demand.

Okay. Got a bucket of words next to the desk and it’s time for me to splash them against the paper.

Later all!

MR