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  • What’s That On Your SHED?!

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    My apologies to the B-52’s. I’ll buy y’all a round of drinks next time you’re in town, okay? (Watch ’em all order B-52’s…)

    So, anyway, Facebook and Twitter folk know that last weekend we were finally able to get around to re-roofing our shed. Many of you have asked about it… Okay, okay, so none of you have asked about it. Be that way… Sheesh… Tough crowd everywhere I go.

    Be that as it may… or as it were… or was… or is… Oh, what the hell. Thing is, it’s too damn hot for me to sit in the office and be funny. I’m much funnier when chilled. Therefore, by way of blog entry I am going to provide you with a few pictures and captions from the Great Shed Re-Roofing of 2010…

    To the left we have “Le Shed.” The E K and I built it something on the order of 15 or 17 or maybe even 112 years ago. I can’t really remember. At any rate, it has served us well. However, it lives beneath a black walnut tree that is infested with Tree Rats (aka Skwirlz… not Squirrels, mind you. We have Skwirlz. Trust me… I’m pretty sure McSquizzy is their leader.) Anywho, after umpty-jillion years the asphalt shingled roof gave up the ghost. Once that happened, McSquizzy and his crew began their own demolition work.

    Between the Skwirlz and weather, tolls were taken, but no receipts given. Problem is, with our schedules, getting out there and re-roofing the thing was proving a challenge. It wasn’t that we didn’t know how. We just didn’t have time.

    Finally, this past winter we were able to do a quick tear-off, but the weather turned on us, and with time being a factor once again, a tarp became the interim roof.

    Me, being the early riser that I am, got out there and pulled the tarp, then set about the process of replacing the damaged trusses.

    Eventually, Loota-Chack and the Mikester showed up, followed by Johnathan “Mentos Rib Fest” Minton. Oh, and E K was there too. Once we managed to get the trusses replaced, E K and the Mikester went up top and set about the process of installing the purlins. These were necessary because we elected to go with a corrugated roofing material this go around.

    During the initial installation, we were entertaining ourselves with some tunes. Much to our  dismay followed by delight, we discovered that the Mikester was unfamiliar with Aphrodite’s Child. We made it a point to change that.

    This educational interlude, however, seemed to annoy the disembodied voice behind all of the pictured foliage, and he yelled sarcastic silliness at us. He should really leave the sarcasm to the professionals, because he wasn’t any good at it at all.

    Here we have the offending radio. It even has its own chair. We allowed it to continue playing in the back yard while we were working so that we could keep an eye on it. However, since it was bad and offended the neighbor so much that he had to yell over the top of his weeds, when we were finished we sent it to its room and took away its power cord. Bad radio. No batteries for you!

    It never ceases to amaze me…

    No matter how hard I work, no matter what power tools, hand tools, or lumber I happen to be using, cutting, hammering, or otherwise busting my ass with, the only picture of me is where I am in supervisor mode.

    I think E K does that to me on purpose, just to make me look bad…

    Of course, at least I was supervising.

    Loota-chack, on the other hand, was working just as hard as she could holding the ground down so it didn’t float away. I mean, after all, if the back yard had floated away we wouldn’t have any place to put the shed, right?

    But, seriously folks, this is just the A-Bomb taking a break. We were all bustin’ arses on this project. Even “Little Miss 57 Languages” here…

    Speaking of Luets-es-es… Here we have The Mikester. He’s kind of a trip. Has do-rag, will travel. He even comes with his own tools.

    One of the amazing things about The Mikester is that he shows up, tools in hand, then does ANYTHING and EVERYTHING the redhead tells him to do. Seriously. She points and barks orders. Mikester jumps and carries out her commands. Somehow or another she has him even better trained than she has me. Not sure what that’s all about.

    And, what’s a shed re-roofing without a gratuitous “Kilroy Was Here” photo.

    And, wouldn’t you know it, Johnathan “Mentos Rib Fest” Minton is the culprit.

    Unfortunately, this is the best pic we have of the Mentos during the project, which is too bad.  The T-Shirt he wore that day is actually an On The Edge Graphics original from the online store. Any guesses which one? Yeah… “Wearer Property of Evil Kat“… Hmmm… wonder why he selected that particular shirt on that particular day?

    And finally, The Evil One herself… She hates having her picture taken so this is pretty much the best I could manage… Not that it isn’t perfectly lovely in its own right…

    She actually had to take frequent breaks, because she’s so hot that she was warping the Ondura Roofing Panels. Go figure…

    Still, here the roof is almost halfway installed… By the time we were done we were all too tired to take a picture of the finished product – besides which, E K and I had to get cleaned up and rush downtown to MAC for my 30th HS reunion.

    Yes. Seriously. We busted our asses on the shed ALL DAY, then went to the reunion dinner… So, if you were there and wondered why we looked a little cooked, there you have it.

    Okay… I’ll see if I can come up with something funny for  this coming Wednesday.

    Hey! It could happen…

    More to come…

    Murv

  • The Big Three Oh…

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    Well, when it comes to “age” the proverbial Big Three Oh is languishing somewhere in a valley well behind a mountain range that is rapidly shrinking in my rear view mirror. That is to say, 30 was a long, long time ago… An entire voting and drafting age adult ago, in fact. However, if you do the math it works out that I took my final bow at Ritenour Senior High thirty years ago this past June. And, like most high school alumni association type folks, mine tossed a shindig to celebrate this milestone.

    The party – or parties, I should say – in question occurred this past weekend (July 16 & 17), at two different locations, beginning with a “Multi Year Happy Hour” at the Lemp Mansion on Friday evening, which saw graduates spanning ’73 – ’84.  (Yours truly was a member of the “hosting class” for the shindig, 1980). Much fun was had, many old faces seen. Some old faces with new construction. Some old faces that hadn’t changed. But mostly, we were all just old. I visited with friends I hadn’t seen in 30 years, and some I hadn’t seen in 5. I even visited with people I didn’t know that I knew and am still not entirely certain that I know, if that makes any sense. As a rule, it seemed a healthy chunk of the folks knew me – or of me – whereas I had a passing familiarity with a much smaller percentage, and am friends with an even smaller number than that.

    This can be a little disconcerting, but beer helps. Several beers helps even more…

    Night two was the “Class of 80 Reunion Proper” and it was held at the Missouri Athletic Club – a posh private club in downtown Saint Louis with fancy ballrooms and high end food. Suffice it to say, when the elaborate appetizer table features plenty of Stilton and Brie among the countless selections, you definitely aren’t talking “supermarket cheese tray” here. This is some upscale digs.

    At any rate, the evening was filled with more chatting, old faces, new old faces, old new faces, and as always seems to be the case with me, a bit of the bizarre. What follows here is a Facebook note I put out there to recap the evening. Since many of my blog readers aren’t on FB, I thought I’d re-run it here:

    RHS Class of ’80 30 Year Reunion Recap…

    ...from the perspective of a satire slinging suspense-thriller author, of course.

    Drive… Drive… Drive.
    Park
    Walk… Walk… Walk…

    Check in table…

    Kathy (Not EK): MURV!
    Me: KATHY!
    Teri: Here’s your nametag.
    Me: I have a nametag? YAY! I’m SOMEBODY!!!
    Teri: Have fun.
    Me: We’ll try. But if we don’t it’s your fault and I’m going to come looking for you.
    Teri: SECURITY!

    Mingle… Mingle…

    Me: Yeah, the redhead will have a tonic with a twist. What kind of beer do you have?
    Bartender: AB this… AB that… AB the other… AB… AB…
    Me: What, no C?
    Bartender: AB this… AB that… AB the other… AB… AB…

    Random Classmate: Hi.
    Me: Hi, ummm, do I know you?
    Random Classmate: I don’t know, but I know you.
    Me: Sorry… I just can’t place you.
    Random Classmate: You’re that guy.
    Me: I am?
    Random Classmate: Yeah.
    Me: Oh, uh, okay.

    Mingle… Mingle…

    Random Classmate: Hi. We went to school together.
    Me: Ummm, yeah. I think that could be said for most everyone in the room. Here’s your sign.

    Random Classmate: Picture, picture. I need a picture.
    (smile) {flash}
    Random Classmate: Me too! Me too!
    (smile) {flash}
    Random Classmate: Over here, Murv!
    (smile) {flash}
    (smile) {flash}
    (smile) {flash}
    {little floaty spots in front of my face}
    Music in my head: BLINDED BY THE LIGHT, REVVED UP LIKE A…

    [hug]
    [hug}
    [handshake]
    [hug]
    [handshake]

    E K: Who was that?
    Me: I have no effing idea.

    [hug]
    [hug]
    [handshake]

    Random Classmate: Murv! How are you? Remember that time when we blah blah whatchmacallit blah?
    Me: Ummm. No?
    Random Classmate: Oh come on. We blah blah, then bla… Oh… Wait… That wasn’t you. Sorry.
    Me: No problem. I get that a lot.
    Random Classmate: Ummmm… I hear you write books now.
    Me: That’s the rumor.
    Random Classmate: You’re going to put this in a book aren’t you?
    Me: (nodding) Yeah. Probably. At the very least I’ll make fun of you in a blog or something.

    Random Classmate: Hi.
    Me: Hi.
    Random Classmate: Do you know me?
    Me: Hell no, I don’t even know myself.
    Random Classmate: You’re that guy, right?
    Me: That’s what I’ve been hearing.
    Random Classmate: No. Really. You’re that guy.
    Me: Okay, you got me. I’m that guy. But, sometimes when I’m feeling pretty, I’m that girl.
    Random Classmate: O_o.
    Me: Yeah, kinda scary, huh? (Especially since I look nothing at all like Marlo Thomas.)

    BUFFET LINE…

    E K: Woohoo! VEGGIES!
    Random Classmate: (pointing) Ummm… What’s that?
    Me: (pointing) Grilled eggplant, grilled zucchini, grilled asparagus, grilled portabello mushroom, grilled peppers…
    Random Classmate: Oh… those are vegetables, right? I’ll pass…
    Me: You’d have a much easier time with that if you actually ate some of the veggies. Fiber, ya’know.
    Random Classmate: O_o

    Eat… Eat…Eat…

    DJ Jazzy J And The Funky Bunch – YO! {{{feedback… buzzzzz… squeal… feedback}}}
    [MYOO-ZIK – Thumpita Thumpita TWANG THUMPA]

    Random Classmate: HI!
    Me: WHAT?
    Random Classmate: HI!
    Me: WHAT?
    Random Classmate: YOU’RE MURV, RIGHT?
    Me: OH, I THINK IT’S JUST DOWN THE HALL.
    Random Classmate: WHAT?

    Me: (relating an anecdote to friends) …And then at my last book launch I had someone who actually believed she’s a “REAL vampire slayer” and wanted to “slay” my fans when they showed up.
    Steve, Cathy, and Nathan: You actually get crazy people showing up?
    Me: At least one at every event. Sometimes more…
    (frantic high heels coming closer – clickity, clackity, clickety, clackety…)
    Random Classmate: You don’t know me, but I know about you!
    Me: What will it take for you to not call the police? I really can’t afford another strike on my record right now.
    Random Classmate: O_o… Ummm… I know who you are.
    Me: I’m glad someone does, because I lost my wallet.
    Random Classmate: No… You don’t understand… I know what you do.
    Me: Like I said, how much for you to not call the police?
    Random Classmate: No… You write books.
    Me: I’ve heard that about me.
    Random Classmate: Well, have I got a story for you!
    Me: Really? What is it?
    Random Classmate: I can’t tell you because you’ll steal it.
    Me: Yeah, I don’t blame you. Just can’t trust us author types.
    Random Classmate: But I’ll sell it to you.
    Me: Sugar, no offense, but I have more ideas running around in my head than I’ll be able to write in my lifetime, so I’m not going to steal it or buy it.
    Random Classmate: But this has never been done before and it will make a great movie.
    Me: So, what is it?
    Random Classmate: I can’t tell you. You’ll steal it.
    E K: [giggle]
    Steve, Cathy, Nathan: Crap… You weren’t kidding, were you?

    {flash} {flash}
    [hug hug]

    Random Classmate: Hmmnimmm… Wharz baffoom?
    Me: Hall to the left.
    Random Classmate: Hmmmnim.
    clickety, clackety, clickety, clackety, CRASH!
    Steve, Nathan, Cathy, EK, Me: (checking on the noise) Are you okay?
    Random Classmate: Hmminnmm rmmm hhmminnimmmmm…

    (frantic high heels coming closer – clickity, clackity, clickety, clackety…)
    Previous Random Classmate: I’ve got a story… I’ve got a story… I’ve got a story…
    Steve, Cathy, and Nathan: This is going in a book, isn’t it?
    Me: Probably.

    Various Classmates: Bye… See you in five years.
    Me: Bye. See you on Facebook.

    Many of my friends keep telling me that my experience has something to do with celebrity. I think they’re wrong, because we didn’t have any celebrities at the reunion, other than the folks who worked so hard to put the shindig together.

    Rumor has it the 35th is going to be a 4 day cruise. I have to wonder if I’ll be hearing clickity, clackity, clickety, clackety… stumble… gaaahhhhhhh! SPLASH!

    I hope not, but if I do I’ll have no choice but to put it in a book. After laughing so hard that my drink shoots out my nose... Why? Because I’m that guy.

    More to come…

    Murv

    (Pictured: Photo 1 – Dave Perkins, M. R. Sellars, E K… Photo 2 – Kathy Patterson Inkley, M. R. Sellars…)