BRAINPAN LEAKAGE

It took everything I had to keep from spitting spaghetti across the table and all over The Evil Redhead.  Judging from the bemused shock in her eyes and her hand over her own mouth, I am fairly certain the same was true for her. We both glanced quickly at our daughter as she continued to stuff her face, then I pushed away from the table and made a beeline for the telephone…

Of course, as with most of my stories, for this to truly make sense we have to step into the “wayback machine” for a moment to get a bit of background. So, have a seat next to Mister Peabody while Sherman fiddles with the dials and takes us back to a point in time just a scant couple of weeks prior to the “almost spaghetti spewage.”

Kerchunk… bleep… ring… ring… bloop… blorp… kerchunk… kerchunk…

Okay, here we are… Not only have we traveled back in time, but we have also shifted westward better than two-hundred miles to a suburb of Kansas City Missouri. The townhome (at the time) of my friend – and E Kay’s occasional doormat – Duane.

You see, the near spaghetti spewage is all Duane’s fault. And, the fact that it is his fault in this particular instance is 100% true. Just ask him. He will even admit to it without objection. He won’t even scream “Unicorn.” Well, not right away like he normally does.

Allow me to explain…

Her Supreme Evilness, the O-spring, Johnathan, The Chunk Man, and I took ourselves an extended weekend trip out to see Duane. This wasn’t unusual by any stretch. He comes to Saint Louis to see us, we go to KC to see him. However, during this particular visit, Duane – or as he was called by E K for a brief period, “Dammit Duane” – set certain events into motion that culminated in the almost spray of whole wheat fettuccine noodles, along with a lovely Bolognese, all over our dining room.

“How?” you ask.

Simple. Like all of us, Duane receives his share of bizarre email forwards from folks out there. On the particular weekend in question he had received an attachment in the form of a video file. Now, I have to admit that there is no truly delicate way to put this – the file in question involved “adult activities” between a Latex clad Dominatrix and her submissive.  However, the “porn” factor wasn’t the real reason the clip had been forwarded to him. As it turns out, not only was there a high level of “OMG bizarreness” to the  depicted activity itself – which I shall leave up to your individual imaginations – but the German language dialogue also punctuated it with an LOL factor somewhere around a 7 on the “LOL 1 to 10 Scale”. Anyway, to make a long story short, Duane found it so amusing that he insisted on showing it to Johnathan, The Chunk Man, and me. Due to the fact that I was in the middle of cooking, I was unable to watch the whole clip, however, I got the gist of it, as did Johnathan, The Chunk Man, and Duane. And, they got it in spades, for you see, the rest of the weekend the catch phrase between the three of them became this innocuous snippet of dialogue –

“Yah… Das is gud!”

Fast forward back to the summer evening around the dinner table. We had only been eating for a few minutes when the O-Spring, who was all of 5 years old at the time, stopped shoveling the spaghetti into her mouth and announced, “Das is gud!”

(Now, before you go calling Child Protective Services, the kid did NOT see the clip. She merely heard her Uncle Duane, Uncle Johnathan, and Uncle Chunkee running around the whole weekend chuckling and saying, “Das is gud!” about everything…)

Once I managed to swallow my mouthful of pasta without choking, I called Duane. After all, someone had to warn him that E K was already plotting his demise.

Of course, I certainly wasn’t opposed to it being him in trouble instead of me.  In my way of thinking, das is gud…

More to come…

Murv

As you are all well aware, E K  and I celebrated our 22nd anniversary on Halloween this year. Many of you already know there is a long and involved story behind the courtship, wedding, and our forgetting that costumed kiddies would be knocking on our door during the ceremony – the ceremony and reception were both held at our house. For those of you who may be new to this blog, you can read about it here (if you so desire) – The Mahwage Blogs

The other thing you long time readers know is that I am the cook in the family and that the kitchen is my domain. On our anniversary we usually go out for dinner, but sometimes circumstances dictate that we stay in for the evening. Such was the case on this recent Halloween 2009.

But, stay in or no, we are talking about Evil Kat here and a celebration of my 22 years of indentured servitude to her redheaded evilness, so obviously dinner needed to be something special or terrible and horrible things would happen to me.

So, I fixed a dinner fit for an Evil Redhead and all was good. After said meal,  being ecstatic that I would live to see another day, I posted the following Facebook status update:

Much to my surprise comments were flying left and right with folks jokingly begging invites to my house. However, among the comments were also requests for the recipes, and one of them came from Reverend Alicia Lyon Folberth who wanted to know if she could include them in an upcoming cookbook being produced for her temple.

Since many of my dishes are created spur of the moment, I didn’t necessarily have a recipe at hand and wasn’t quite sure where to start, especially since a good portion of this particular meal relies simply on knowing how to cook a steak. However, after ruminating a bit I managed to jog my memory enough put something on paper for her. And, since there were many others who won’t have access to the cookbook proper, I thought maybe I’d post the recipes here.

Besides, if her supreme evilness decides she wants this again I might need to refresh my memory with my own blog…

E Kay’s 22nd Anniversary Dinner

Irish Whisky Marinated Ribeye Steaks with Crab, Feta, and Herb Butter
Grilled Vodka-Lime Portabello Mushrooms
Steamed Broccoli

(Serves 2 – adjust ingredients as needed for larger group)

INGREDIENTS:

2 Good Quality Trimmed Ribeye Steaks – I prefer Black Angus, dry aged

2 Large Portabello Mushrooms

1 Large Head Fresh Broccoli

1 6 oz Can Lump Crabmeat (Unless you have access to fresh)

1 4 oz Container Crumbled Feta Cheese

1 Large Head of Garlic

Sun Dried Tomatoes

1 Fresh Lime

¼ Lb Sweet Cream Butter (1 Stick)

2 Tbsp Sweet Cream Butter

Olive Oil

Worcestershire

Vodka

Pepper Vodka (Optional)

Bushmills Irish Whiskey

Dark Brown Sugar

Salt

Pepper

Paprika

Basil (Dried)

Onion Powder

INITIAL PREPARATION:

The following should be done 2 to 3 hours prior to cooking

For The Crab-Feta Mixture –

Soften ¼ Lb (1 stick) butter. Drain crabmeat and place in bowl with softened butter and 4 ounces of crumbled feta cheese. Add dried basil, 2 minced garlic cloves, 1 Tbsp minced sun dried tomatoes. Mix until fully incorporated. Refrigerate.

For The Portabello Mushrooms –

Remove stems and gills from mushrooms. Clean and rinse in cold water. Pat dry. Place in bowl. Add juice of one lime, 2 minced garlic cloves, and ¼ cup olive oil to cup and mix well. Pour over mushrooms, seal bowl and refrigerate.

For The Broccoli –

Rinse, chop into florets, peel and chop stem. Rinse again, drain, refrigerate.

For The Ribeye Steaks –

How far ahead you do this step is entirely dependent upon the level of flavor you are seeking from the whisky marinade. I suggest 3 hours, however, I have done it at 30 minutes for a milder flavor or even as long as 8 hours for a stronger flavor.

Mix 3 Tbsp dark brown sugar with 4 ounces Bushmills Irish Whisky. If necessary, microwave for 10 – 15 seconds in order to gently warm and fully dissolve sugar. Place steaks in a shallow dish and Spoon one fourth of the mixture over steaks. Flip steaks and spoon another one fourth of the mixture over them. Reserve remaining Whisky marinade. Cover and refrigerate steaks unless you are going to be cooking them right away.

COOKING:

Remove all items from refrigerator 30 to 45 minutes prior to cooking.

Place broccoli in steamer basket and steam in covered pan with 2-3 inches of water. OPTIONAL: Add an ounce of pepper vodka to the water as well. Melt 2 Tbsp butter. When finished steaming, drizzle broccoli with melted butter, salt and pepper to taste.

Heat a grill pan or stainless steel skillet and add 2 to 3 tablespoons olive oil. Using tongs, sear mushrooms in hot oil, approximately 5-7 minutes per side. Remove mushrooms to shallow dish. To the hot skillet add remaining marinade from bowl and 2 ounces vodka. Deglaze pan. Allow to reduce by ¼ and pour over mushrooms.

30 minutes prior to cooking drizzle both sides of ribeye steaks with Worcestershire. Season liberally with onion powder and paprika. Salt and pepper to taste. Drizzle with remaining whisky marinade. Preheat Oven to 500 degrees or use broiler if you prefer.

Quickly sear steaks in cast iron or all metal skillet, approximately 3 minutes per side. In the center of each place a generous dollop of the crab-feta-butter mixture. Place skillet in oven or broiler and cook to desired level of doneness.

Allow steaks to rest 5 minutes before serving.

Quickly, while meat is resting, separate oil and grease from the liquid in the skillet (I have a separator cup I use). Discard grease and oil. Place skillet over high heat, return juices and 1 ounce bushmills to pan and deglaze. Reduce by ½ and pour over steaks immediately before serving.

Notes:

Multitasking is a pre-requisite, as you will end up doing all of the above simultaneously.

Mix tall vodka tonic with twist of lime for your spouse and one for yourself.

Eat your dinner.

Clean up kitchen.

Hand out candy to trick or treaters while working jigsaw puzzle with wife and daughter.

Have pre-purchased Ben ‘n Jerry’s for dessert.

You will likely have some of the crab-feta-butter mixture left. I generally will use it for a crostini or on crackers.

More to come…

Murv