BRAINPAN LEAKAGE

Not a day goes by that I don’t say something that belongs on a QUOTE A DAY desk calendar.

Seriously.

Yeah… Okay… So maybe not. However, I do say stuff, and some of it seems sort of quotable. At least, I think it is. My Facebook and Twitter “peeps” have been subjected to my daily musings for some time now. Why? Because the Daily Picture cycle was over and I needed a new “schtick.” Relevant – and often wholly irrelevant – quotes seemed like a good idea. I figure if I keep spewing them long enough I’ll eventually say something that really does belong on a calendar, and once I do, look out. I’ll be the next great philosopher of our age.

Trust me.

I will.

Really.

So anyway, having reached the end of the first quarter, and quotes being a little harder to condense into a 5 minute Youtube presentation than the 365 low-res webcam snapshots of my fugly mug from the daily pic project, I figured maybe I should put them out here in smaller chunks. Especially since folks keep asking me to aggregate them somewhere.

As with anything else, feel free to borrow them, just give credit where it’s due. My bills aren’t in any danger of not needing to be paid, ya’know…

The Whizzdom Of Merp

November 2010

Merpizm 11/01/10: “I am neither legally nor morally obligated to cure you of your stupidity.” ~ MRS

Merpizm 11/02/10: “Even Occam’s Razor will eventually get dull.” ~ MRS

Merpizm 11/03/10: “Unbridled activism, of any type, eventually becomes annoying to everyone – even its supporters.” ~ MRS

Merpizm 11/04/10: “The actual profundity of any statement is directly proportional to its timing divided by its delivery.” ~ MRS

Merpizm 11/05/10: “Stupidity is much like a cough. You should cover your mouth whenever you feel it coming on.” ~ MRS

Merpizm 11/06/10: “Opinions, like advice, should be graciously entertained. You can always kick them out when the party is over.” ~ MRS

Merpizm 11/07/10: “Much like wax fruit, hotel room coffee is only there for show. You aren’t actually supposed to drink it.” ~ MRS

Merpizm 11/08/10: “In my personal experience, melodrama is rarely all that mellow.” ~ MRS

Merpizm 11/09/10: “Unbridled passion is good. Bridled is too, as long as my wife isn’t too overzealous with the buggy whip.” ~ MRS

Merpizm 11/10/10: “Never attempt to write a daily quote before you’ve had your morning coffee.” ~ MRS

Merpizm 11/11/10: “Having an opinion in no way makes someone an expert on a subject. In fact, it probably just means they have gas.” ~ MRS

Merpizm 11/12/10: “Just because you can read a book that does not mean you know how to write one.” ~ MRS

Merpizm 11/13/10: “If you were happy ALL OF THE TIME, how would you know it?” ~ MRS

Merpizm 11/14/10: “Nobody is immune to stupid, and unfortunately there isn’t a vaccine for it just yet.” ~ MRS

Merpizm 11/15/10: “If you aren’t supposed to use adverbs, why the hell does “Lolly” sell the damn things?” ~ MRS

Merpizm 11/16/10: “Improper nouns throw wilder parties.” ~ MRS

Merpizm 11/17/10: “I’m actually old enough to remember when ‘crack’ was only available from plumbers.” ~ MRS

Merpizm 11/18/10: “Think before you speak, because thinking is sort of like a condom that will keep you from spreading stupid.” ~ MRS

(And if you forget to think all is not entirely lost. Just remember that biting your tongue is sorta like a diaphragm.)

Merpizm 11/19/10: “Forced humor is kind of like an inflamed hemorrhoid. Painful and not really funny at all.” ~ MRS

Merpizm 11/20/10: “Periods are multipurpose. Not only can they end sentences, they can also abruptly end an otherwise pleasant evening.” ~ MRS

Merpizm 11/21/10: “If you say something stupid, I’m going to make fun of you. I expect no less when the roles are reversed.” ~ MRS

Merpizm 11/22/10: “As with brain surgery, sarcasm should be left to the professionals who know how to do it properly.” ~ MRS

Merpizm 11/23/10: “For the most part, Facebook is really just public exhibitionism performed from the comfort of your favorite chair.” ~ MRS

Merpizm 11/24/10: “Time is a unique commodity, in that you often seem to have both too much and too little at the same time.” ~ MRS

Merpizm 11/25/10: “I’m not actually a wise person. I just play one on the Internet.” ~ M. R. Sellars

Merpizm 11/26/10: “A light at the end of the tunnel isn’t always a good thing, especially if it’s coming closer and you’re standing still.” ~ MRS

Merpizm 11/27/10: “If stupid grew on trees, we’d be living in an orchard at the peak of the season.” ~ M. R. Sellars

Merpizm 11/28/10: “Everyone is entitled to their own big, steaming bowl of stupid. The trick is to not spill it on anyone else.” ~ MRS

Merpizm 11/29/10: “A bonus of Online Social Networking is that your *friends* don’t care whether or not you’ve had a shower.” ~ MRS

Merpizm 11/30/10: “Overinflated egos are a lot like dying stars. They just keep getting bigger until they eventually implode.” ~ MRS

More to come…

Murv

Some of you may remember awhile back I had a series of blog entries about “Merp the Tech Hamster.” If you don’t, then go here:

February Is Hamster Month

Just follow the “Next” at the bottom of the entry, and each subsequent entry, to see all eight. Suffice it to say, way back when I used to doodle a bit. I’m definitely not what you would call an artist, but I could come up with a passable stick figure when pressed to do so.

As it happens, I used to doodle all sorts of things. Some of them utterly worthless, some of them not half bad, some of them not fit for mixed company – but that’s a different story. At any rate, I was surprised and delighted to receive an email the other day from a former co-worker. We’ll call her the Tamminator. Mostly because her name is Tammi. That, and the fact that I once saw her stomp on a bug with malicious intent. His name was…  Well, that’s a whole ‘nother story too, suffice it to say I’m willing to bet he has a few scars to this day.

Either way, I worked with the Tamminator for several years, and as we know I tend to amuse myself by poking fun at stuff. Well, I tried not to poke fun at the Tamminator, lest I meet the same fate as that guy… I mean, bug… but I did poke fun at stuff around her. One thing in particular being her ferrets.

You see, she had pet ferrets. Now, I need to point something out here – I’m not a ferret person. I don’t have anything against them personally, but I’m just not a ferret kinda guy. I leave that up to Major Frank Burns (Gratuitous M*A*S*H reference for you youngsters out there)… So anyway, the Tamminator used to have pictures of her ferrets on her desktop, and used to babble incessantly about them like they were kids. Fair enough, everyone talks about their pets that way.

But you know me. It gave me fodder…

One of the things she used to talk about was the ferrets doing what she called the “weasel war dance” whenever they were getting ready to play tussle with one another, or attack an empty paper towel tube or some such. She also had a picture of one of them peeking through the blinds as if on some sort of stealth recon.

And, well… I just couldn’t NOT do something with that… So, here you have the attachment from that recent email. A doodling of the military ferret kind, inspired by the old Sgt. Rock type of comic books from my youth, where in the early pages they would introduce the members of a particular squad.

The Tamminator is pretty sure she has more of these doodles, and if she runs across them I’m sure she’ll shoot them my way. To be perfectly honest, until this showed up, I had completely forgotten about drawing them.

And so, without further rambling, I give you…

The 151st Airborne Attack Ferrets

Image Copyright © M. R. Sellars

"Taking stuff and hiding it is our mission..."

More to come…

Murv