BRAINPAN LEAKAGE

You know, the rumor mill seems to be getting more activity than my coffee grinder…What’s up with that?

So, anyway, I am back from Nashville, which was my last gig for the year. I had a blast, as usual, but I’m glad it’s over and I get to stay home with the Evil One and the Offspring for a while. But, while in Nashville, I was enlightened as to some of the rumors circulating about me. For fun, I thought I’d address the ones I was told here in this blog-

1. M. R. Sellars is tall.

I suppose that would depend upon your perspective. I’m 5′ 7″…Or, I used to be. I’ve probably shrunk a bit over the years. In any case, I think that probably qualifies as average height, not tall.

2. M. R. Sellars is blonde.

Look at my picture. Do I look blonde to you? Maybe WAYYYYYYY back when I was a teenager, but that was only for one summer and was the result of spending all day in/at the pool along with the help of a 70’s era hair product called “Sun In” (Yes, it was intended to gradually bleach your hair.) Other than that, the closest I’ve ever been to blonde would probably be when I was like two or something, but even then we were talking light to medium brown, not blonde.

3. M. R. Sellars is gay.

I assume the meaning here is as in homosexual, and not the colloquial “gay = strange”…Or, even the standard “overjoyed”…Well, actually, no. I’m not. I’m heterosexual, i.e. straight. Always have been, no plans to change either.

4. M. R. Sellars is bi.

See answer to rumor 3.

And, my personal favorite…

5. M. R. Sellars attended a BDSM con in Atlanta, GA and scored with the babes.

Okay, how substantiated this particular rumor is, I have no idea, but I was informed that it had been a topic of discussion on some lists. Not lists that I am on, so who knows. Either way, let’s lay out some facts here:

A. I haven’t attended ANY BDSM Conventions at all, much less any in Atlanta. This is not to say that I wouldn’t or won’t, especially since the Miranda Trilogy would do well there, but as yet, I haven’t done a promo appearance at such a convention. (I also haven’t attended one for pleasure either.)

B. I am MONOGAMOUS and have a smokin’ hot wife. (Remember EK?) So, even if I were to attend such an event I would not be scoring with anyone but the redhead known as EK.

C. Apparently, from what I am told, the tall and blonde rumors are subsets of this particular rumor.

So, apparently from what I was told some tall, blonde dude went around saying he was me in order to score.

Dude…come on…You can’t score on your own? More importantly, you can’t pick someone who is a closer physical match to you, especially given that a simple Google search of my name will reveal a gazillion pictures that would instantly disprove your claim? Obviously you are taking the line from that Sean Connery movie WAY TOO seriously… I hate to tell you this but that was just a movie– women will NOT sleep with you just because you wrote a book.

So, all I can say is that if you did manage to score by using my name, well…Good on ya’.

But, really, if the truth be told, if you did, I hope she was a Dom and when she figured out you were lying about who you were she beat the living snot out of you (not in the good way, more like in the Miranda way) then left you tied up in a closet in a hotel room with the do not disturb sign on the door so you could spend a little time ruminating over your overt stupidity for a day or two.

Yeah, that translates into, “Get a life and stop using my name for your own personal gain, you fruitloop.”

So, there you have it…Other than the ages old rumor that I’m dead, which for some reason seems to resurface every now and then, those are the latest…To recap, I’m not tall, not blonde, not gay, not bi, and have not attended a BDSM convention for business (or pleasure), and therefore, you have NOT slept with me.

More to come…

Murv

No, not what’serface’s ex hubby. I mean the dude in the white truck with the logo on the side…You know, the company made even more famous by Tom Hanks and a volleyball named Wilson… The one that set up shop with Kinkys, er, I mean Kinkos…

Yeah, that FedEx.

And, yeah, it was a dude and not a dudette. I know because I saw him out my office window when he was heading back out to his truck.

So, what’s so special about the FedEx dude dropping by. Well, now that you ask, nothing really. However, the contents of the package he left on my porch are kind of cool.

Wanna know what it is?

Of course, since you are being so uppity, asking me what’s so special and stuff like that, maybe you don’t want to know.

What’s that?

Uh-huh…thought so.

Well I guess you should have thought about that before you said what you did. Maybe I’ll just keep it all to myself and you’ll just have to go around wondering what it is.

Nope. Won’t bother me a bit. Remember me? The guy who leaves cliffhangers at the ends of his books?…

Yeah. I kinda figured as much.

Uh-huh…Well…Okay…Apology accepted. Just don’t let it happen again…

So, anyway, now that we have all THAT settled, the contents of the nifty front porch box were none other than a bunch of promotional bookmarks!

Yeah? Well, I kinda think they’re cool.

Fine. Be that way.

For those of you who are still interested below is a scan. The bookmarks are 2 x 7 and two sided. (I know, it would be kind of hard to be one sided in a three+ dimensional universe, but what I mean is that they are imprinted on both sides…Sheesh! Why is everyone being so difficult today?)

Well, there you go. Bookmarks. I’m hoping the next package has an ipod, or something cool like that in it, but for now, I’m all good with the bookmarks.

From what I understand a lot of these will be going out to various Sci-Fi/Fantasy type conventions around the US, along with the official RGI Chapter Sampler booklets, for distribution on the “freebie/literature tables.”

A goodly portion of my newly delivered stash will travel around with me so I can give them away at booksignings, etc…

Of course, I suppose if anyone wants one and they aren’t going to be attending a convention or signing we will have to work something out. Maybe one of those send me an SASE kind of deals…Guess we’ll have to see if there is a demand.

Okay. Got a bucket of words next to the desk and it’s time for me to splash them against the paper.

Later all!

MR