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  • Career Choices…

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    I like to sing.

    microphoneNow, please take note – I did not indicate in any way that I am good at singing. I simply said that I like to do it. Therefore, you aren’t about to find me in a Karaoke bar, belting out Bon Jovi or Heart tunes and downing Kirin with a bunch of visiting Japanese businessmen. For one thing, I never have occasion to be socializing with the aforementioned Asian moguls. Just doesn’t happen in my line of work. Maybe someday a Japanese publisher will pick up the foreign rights to the Rowan Gant Investigations and do a translation, but something tells me by the time they were done, he would end up being a Mystical Samurai Pokemon or something of that sort, so I’m not really sure how I feel about that prospect. I guess it all depends on how much Kirin I’ve had, and how much money is on the table when the offer is made.kirin_beer

    But, let’s get back to the story…

    The truth is, it really doesn’t matter if they are Japanese businessmen, or a visiting friend from the FBI, since the latter actually does happen. You still won’t find me hanging out in the Karaoke bars, because even though I like to sing, I can’t carry a tune in a bucket, even with help and I know that. I didn’t used to have this problem. Once upon a time I could cart a tune around in a brown paper sack with no backup whatsoever, and sound pretty good. But, at around age 13 I was afflicted with a bad case of swimmer’s ear. (I bet you thought I was going to say hormones… Well, that’s a different blog…) At any rate, both of my eardrums were perforated by the blistering, which left behind a whole mess of scar tissue. As I have grown older the extent of my frequency hearing loss has worsened considerably. So, no matter whether we are talking brown paper sack, plastic bucket, or galvanized pail, I can’t carry a tune.

    Still, I like to sing.

    Just ask Anastasia, good friend and co-founder of the “Murv’s Stalkers” fan club. She and her husband are regular visitors to the “Murv Cave,” and were here for the Yule Bash 2007. They were also here for Yule Bash 2008, but 2007 has more to do with the singing thing… You see, that was the year of the 14 inch snowfall type blizzard storm that struck on the very day and evening of the Yule bash. So, Anastasia actually got to witness me shoveling the back deck – repeatedly – while I was holding a Vodka-Tonic in one hand, and belting out my own renditions of A Fairytale of New York, Run, Run Rudolph, and countless other holiday tunes. What I’m trying to illustrate here is this – I am likely to start singing at the drop of a hat. Especially if alcohol is involved, but while it is a good impetus, booze definitely isn’t a pre-requisite.

    Such was the case just the other day. And, no, this time there was no alcohol involved.

    You see, I had just picked up the offspring from school. We returned home, and following the usual schedule the short person set about doing her homework while I started fixing dinner. After all, E K would be home in just a little over an hour and we all know what happens if I don’t have her dinner on the table when she walks in.

    So, anyway, it had been a fairly good day, I was feeling somewhat chipper,  and I was far enough ahead of the game with fixing dinner that I could reasonably assume E K wouldn’t beat me and lock me in the closet that evening. Well, at least not on account of dinner being late, that is… Therefore I started bellowing out some Traveling Wilbury’s tunes. I happen to like the Traveling Wilbury’s. Not only are their songs catchy, but also they’re a lot of fun.  If I remember correctly I started out with Tweeter And The Monkey Man then flowed right into Handle With Care. I think Last Night might have even been in there somewhere as well, although I’m pretty sure it entered the mix a bit later. I left Margarita out of it because it doesn’t sound nearly as good without the 4-part harmony.

    Somewhere around the time I was taking a breath before launching into the chorus of one of the above songs, I was cut short by the offspring calling out to me from the dining room…

    “Daddy!” she yelled.

    Well, it didn’t sound like anything was terribly wrong… Parents kind of have a sixth-sense about that sort of thing believe me. What it sounded like was that she was simply trying to get my attention before I started bellowing again. I made the logical assumption that she might need some help with fractions or some such. She absolutely despises math. It’s not that she’s bad at it or anything. She just hates it with a passion for some odd reason.

    Anyway, I stepped out through the kitchen doorway and asked, “What’s up?”

    She looked at me, and with all the seriousness she could muster she asked, “Daddy, are you going to be a Pop-Star?”

    You see, the offspring is all about that Cyrus kid… The one named after a state…  And the somebody or another brothers… And Denny Tomatoes, or some such… You know, the latest Disney sensations, most of whom probably won’t have the staying power of an Annette Funicello… But, that’s just my opinion… Either way, she is so all about these “Tween/Teen Idols” in fact, that she has abandoned her grand plan to become a Doctor and has decided instead to become a “Pop Star” just like them. When I was her age I think I was planning to be an Astronaut. Shortly after that it was Oceanographer, closely followed by Veterinarian… So, my point is, I’m not worried about her current career choice. I’m sure it will change soon enough. As a matter of fact, she has such a gift for gab and penchant for arguing with us, that I wouldn’t be surprised to see her become a trial attorney. I mean, I hope not. Then when people at the old folks home ask me what my kid does for a living I’ll have to make up a lie and stuff… But, I digress…

    So, the kid had just asked me if I was going to become a “Pop Star”…

    I looked back at her and chuckled as I replied, “No, honey, I write books for a living. You know that.”

    She pondered my answer for less than a heartbeat before replying, “That’s good, because you don’t sing very well.”

    Critics. They’re everywhere. But, at least I know my kid is honest, so that gives me some hope that she won’t become an attorney after all, and it should definitely keep her out of politics.

    As for me, I guess I won’t be quitting my day job.

    More to come…

    Murv

  • I’m Flying North Again…

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    …With thanks to Thomas Dolby for the snippet of song lyric which titles this entry. Actually, this all happened yesterday, but I warned y’all I’d probably be too tired to post my travel-blog until this morning, so there! :wink:

    But, let’s get down to business – Yes, I flew north in order to go south east. I know, doesn’t make sense to me either, but like I said before, there was no way to get to Wayne, NE from St. Louis. It was one of those “can’t get there from here” situations, and that included the reverse trip as well.

    At any rate, the following is a chronicle of my trip home, after Ron (the Wayne State College SF Club Faculty Advisor and one hell of a great guy) dropped me off at the airport.

    @mrsellars – Time to get my FLY SUX t-shirt. [browse…browse] [go to counter with t-shirt in hand]

    @SUX_Cashier – Gonna buy a t-shirt?

    @mrsellars – No, I just figured I’d carry it around the store for a while.

    @SUX_Cashier – o_o

    @mrsellars – It’s a joke. I’ll take two of these FLY SUX pilot’s wings pins too.

    @SUX_Cashier – Really want that stuff, huh?

    @mrsellars – Absolutely. It’s a moral imperative.

    @SUX_Security_Guard – At least you have morals.

    @mrsellars – Oh yeah. But of course, I didn’t say they were good morals.

    @SUX_Security_Guard – O_o

    @SUX_Cashier – O_o


    @Egg_Beater_Express – [Arriving at Gate 2] Pttthpppbtt…  whirrr…. pthbbbhhhtttttt… skreee… whirrr… Spit… Koff… Koff… Sputter… Klunk… Pop!

    @mrsellars – O_o

    @mrsellars – Oh yeah… This should be fun.


    @mrsellars – Wonders how they are going to fit all of the 4000 Asian individuals milling around the terminal onto that single plane.

    [Boarding time]

    @Gate_2 – [half dozen Asian passengers board plane] [remaining 3994 Asian folks wave from other side of TSA security checkpoint.]

    @mrsellars – Now that’s a big family… O_o


    @Egg_Beater_Flight_Attendant – Welcome aboard, don’tchaknow, Yah… We’re all goin to Manny-Sowda dere, all righty. Okey-dokey… Let’s all go ice fishin’ when we get dere… okey-dokey? Yah, don’tchaknow…

    @mrsellars – Shoot me now…


    @Egg_Beater_Flight_Attendant – Somethin’ to drink dere?

    @mrsellars – Coffee?

    @Egg_Beater_Flight_Attendant – Oh yah, I got some Kah-Fee dere. Yah want anything in it dere?

    @mrsellars – Not unless it’s really bad coffee.

    @Egg_Beater_Flight_Attendant – Ohhhh, I heard all about you dere, don’tcha know… You just fasten up your seatbelt dere mister…


    @Egg_Beater_Express – Ptthhbbbppptptt… Pthbbt… Whirr… Whocka… Thumpa… Pthbbbttttt…

    @mrsellars – O_o


    @mrsellars – How in the hell can it be so far from Gate A3 to B1?


    @MN-SP_Airport – Arrive Gate A3… Connection Gate B1… No, B3… Wait… Okay, B8… B8, yah, that’s it dere don’tchaknow… Stay at B8 dere… Yah… All good dere… Yah, go get noms… We’ll be right here when you get back don’tchaknow…

    @mrsellars – [Goes for noms]

    @mrsellars – Same employees at Quiznos. Still moving in slow motion. Caribou coffee again.

    @mrsellars – [returns from getting noms]

    @MN-SP_Airport – PSYCHE! Connection now at B14…

    @mrsellars – O_o


    @mrsellars – Consumed another not so stellar wrap – Honey Mustard chicken this time. Plenty of lettuce ribs from trash included… Mmmm-mmm-mmm, good fiber. More blue green algae. Total cost of $2 wrap and $1 drink, $12.35…

    @mrsellars – Price discrepancy due to purchasing coffee at Caribou Coffee as well. Not in the mood for pencil shavings today. Plus, if tasting E Kay’s stockings would prefer she be present (See: We’re Off To See The Blizzard…)

    @mrsellars – Still not telling…


    @Young_Hottie_Passenger – [Waving at man walking past gate] Hey! Old Guy!!

    @Old_Guy_Passenger – [Stops] Hey… How are you?

    @Old_Guy’s_Wife – Are you flirting with women AGAIN!!!

    @mrsellars – Hmmm… Impending catfight?

    @Young_Hottie_Passenger – But… But… I just sat next to him on the plane…

    @Old_Guy’s_Wife – Oh yeah, Beeyotch!!

    @mrsellars – @other_passenger – Gimme $50 on the old chick.


    @Flight_Attendant – Sir, can I ask you to move so that this family can sit together.

    @mrsellars – Sure.

    @mrsellars – [move move move]

    @Old_Asian_Guy_Across_Aisle – [Looks] [points] [elbows wife] [points] [both proceed to jabber to one another while pointing and staring]

    @mrsellars – Hmmmm… Apparently Asian Minnesotans have never seen a guy in shorts either.


    @STL_Lambert_Airport – Your luggage will be at M6… No wait… M3…. No… M4… PSYCHE! M6…

    @mrsellars – O_o


    Arrive Passenger Pickup Area

    @EK – Dammit, you made the flight… I thought I told you to go for a walk in that blizzard?

    @mrsellars – I did.

    @EK – And you found your way back?

    @mrsellars – Yeah.

    @EK – Dammit.


    @mrsellars – @EK – You’re looking exceptionally pretty today.

    @EK – Of course I am.

    @Offspring – Psshbbbbppttt! Daaahhhhddddyyyy… It’s just because you haven’t seen her for a few days.

    @EK – O_o

    @mrsellars – O_o


    Finally Home

    @EK – I read your blogs.

    @mrsellars – Okay.

    @EK – I know about the other cow.

    @mrsellars – Yeah.

    @EK – Did you get me any steaks?

    @mrsellars – Nope. Locals beat me to it again.

    @EK – Stay right here. I’m going to go get something to beat you with.

    @mrsellars – Yes ma’am.


    And so ends the odyssey… Well, not completely. I have some film to drop off, and I already have a few of the digital pix courtesy of Ron. I’ll be throwing together a retrospective via my newsletter in the next few days.

    Thanks again to everyone at WillyCon and Wayne State College for letting me be a part of their convention. I had a blast. Oh, and now I can say I’ve weathered a minor blizzard too. :grin:

    More to come…

    Murv