BRAINPAN LEAKAGE

Okay, faithful readers of my ramblings, time for another episode of Just the FAQ’s, with your host…Me!

(Aren’t you just all atwitter?)

So, let’s just jump right into it…

The first letter reads: Dear MR. I recently broke up with my girlfriend and now I really want to get back together with her. I just know that if she heard “Witchy Woman” on your show with a dedication from me, that she would take me back with open arms and let bygones be bygones. I would be forever grateful if you could do that for me. Signed, Heartbroken in Hoboken…

All right, H in H, let me see if I can help you out here…Our first long distance dedication is…

Had ya’ goin’ there for a minute, didn’t I? (Oh, come on, humor me…)

So, anyway, on to the FAQ’s!

1) Every time I log on to Myspace you are online. Are you addicted or what? Shouldn’t you be writing or something?

No, I’m not addicted, and me being continuously online is nothing more than a cruel illusion. Remember, I used to be a computer guru before I became a scary writer guy for a living. I have way too many computers around here, and at any given time during the day I might check in on Myspace using any one of them, depending on what room I happen to be in at the time. But, also remember that I am old, so sometimes I forget to log out. Actually, most of the time I forget to log out…Soooo, it’s not unusual for at least one computer here in the house to be logged into the account 24/7, thereby creating the illusion that I need neither sleep, nor time to do anything else.

And, yes, I should be writing or something…

2) Who is the leggy babe on your myspace backgrounds? Can I get her number?

The “leggy babe” (and yes, I agree, she is a leggy babe, which is probably why her legs are featured prominently in most of the backgrounds where she appears) …Anyway, said “leather clad vixen” is a friend and part-time model by the name of Wendi O’Brien. She posed for the covers of Love Is The Bond and All Acts Of Pleasure, as well as the promotional posters for both books. There is actually an article about the LITB photo shoot and an interview with the cover artist, Johnathan Minton, in one of my earlier snail-mail newsletters.

And, no, you may not have her number. Not from me at any rate. Besides, you don’t really want it, trust me. She’s even meaner than she looks.

On an interesting note: In keeping with the theme of the trilogy, the cover of The End Of Desire will also feature Miranda as its focal point, however, Wendi will not be modeling for that photo this time. Reknowned Pagan Artist, Mickie Mueller has been retained to actually pose for it, and the photo session is occuring later this month (Feb 2007). As usual, well known (and very bizarre) graphic artist, Johnathan Minton, owner of Woodblock Graphic Design, is producing the artwork for the cover and will be directing the photo shoot.

3) Do you listen to music when you write, and if so what do you listen to?

That largely depends on what I am writing. Sometimes I do the quiet thing, other times I have music blaring. However, I actually do have music playing most of the time. My selections are usually directly relative to the type of scene I am writing–for instance, when writing some of the more intense stuff I might be listening to such artists as Black Sabbath or Metallica. If the passage/chapter I am working on is a bit more mellow then you might find Enya or Loreena McKennitt in the CD Tray.

4) What does the M. R. stand for?

Mister.

Well, not really, but you wouldn’t believe me if I told you, so best we leave it at that. Suffice it to say, my name actually ends in a Jr. My father was, of course, Sr. Soooo, there were two of us hung with the name.

5) Out of all of your books, which one is your favorite?

The one I am working on at the time. Really. Truth is they are all a labor of love, and in a sense that question is almost like asking a parent which of their children they love the most. Even so, as much as I am fond of all of my books, my favorite is always the one I am working on at the time.

6) What brand of cigars do you smoke?

The same brand as Rowan. CAO’s preferably the MX2, but I’ll set fire to, and puff on, just about anything CAO produces. I also enjoy Santa Damiana’s, Cruz Real’s, and Arturo Fuente’s among others.

As to any other specifics, I am a fan of Maduro wrappers and a fairly good size ring gauge (52 and above), although I definitely won’t turn down smaller gauges, or EMS wrappers. Hell, I won’t turn down a free cigar at all…

Okee-dokee…there you have it for this episode…Hope it was enlightening, and if not, at least mildly entertaining.

MR

Good Morning…

I need help. No, not that kind of help. I’m nowhere near as insane as I pretend to be…well, maybe…if you count that incident in…oh, never mind. I promised the other parties involved I wouldn’t talk about that outside of therapy. But, anyway…

What I need help with is dream interpretation. Now, normally I am pretty good at that sort of thing. I can tag the easy as well as the obscure. And, in this particular incident I am certain I could massage some standard interpretation to fit the events, however the bizarre info dump my subconscious let loose on me last night was so odd that I am not entirely sure it even has an explanation. So, here it is:

I’m at the local airport. Not unusual, because I spend so damn much time there anyway that it seems like my home away from home. Never mind the fact that what I know to be my local STL airport (Lambert, Intl) looks for all the world (in my dream) like the airport in Columbus, OH. (Yeah, I’ve been through that one several times, which probably explains that.)

Anyway, here I am walking through the airport when suddenly I run into William H. Macy and Felicity Huffman. Now, I don’t suppose this is unusual in and of itself, because as I recall they are married to one another. But then, that may have changed, I don’t know. I’m not one for keeping up on the break ups and hook ups in “Hollerwood.”

Of course, it wouldn’t be much of a bizarre dream if that’s all there was to it, correct? Correct. So, Huffman and Macy aren’t just standing there, or strolling along running into dreaming folks. No. In point of fact, they are in front of a newsstand taking turns jumping on an oversized, bizarrely constructed, stagger-pedaled pogo stick. (sorry if that makes no sense, but it was the only way I could think of to explain it. Suffice it to say, it was one weird looking pogo stick)…

Now, if that’s not enough, Macy sees me and motions me over, then completely ignores Huffman, leaving her to bounce around the concourse of the terminal on this pogo-contraption. Suddenly I find that we are sitting in easy chairs near the entrance to the restroom, while Huffman continues to gleefully bounce around the concourse, giggling like a little schoolgirl. At this point Macy and I have said nothing to one another, but now he turns to me and asks me what kind of books I write. I tell him. He gives it a moment of thought and then asks me if I have read his blog. (Hell, I didn’t know he had one)…I tell him no. He then asks me if I have a blog. I say yes. (Now, remember, Huffman is still wreaking havoc with the pogo stick in the background of all of this, but TSA and Airport Security don’t seem to care. They are far more concerned that my wife is a potential terrorist and are searching her luggage. NOTE: Prior to this point in the dream I had no idea my wife was even there.)…So, anyway, Macy gets up to leave without a word, stops, turns and comes back, sits down, and then asks me if my “blog is really intense?”…

Then, I woke up and the coffee wasn’t ready yet.

Needless to say, I am confused. Everything seems to be functioning properly and I do know who the president is (unfortunately), and the day of the week, etc, so I don’t think I had a stroke in my sleep or anything.

Still, this one has me scratching my head.

MR