BRAINPAN LEAKAGE

Well, I don’t honestly know the actual issue. I’ve lost track and I’m just too lazy to go back and look. At any rate, I’m not getting any “real” writing done today because the Munchkin is home with a possible case of Strep Throat. Makes concentrating a bit hard when you have a sick child on the couch and cartoons blaring from the television, if you know what I mean.

So, anyway, since it has been awhile since I’ve posted a FAQ Blog, I thought I’d do something about it. So, without further fuss, here are some of the questions I get in person and in email on a regular basis, along with something resembling answers…

1) Are you and Dorothy Morrison married?

Yes. But we are NOT married to each other. Dorothy is married to a terrific guy by the name of Mark. I am married to a terrific gal named Evil Kat. Well, actually her name is just Kat, but she is kind of Evil, so she does actually answer to EK.

Now, I suppose this question probably stems from the fact the Dorothy and I tour together very often. To put it simply, Dorothy is pretty much like my big sister. We also tend to click when it comes to doing workshops together, and have even been described by some reviewers as a Pagan “Burns and Allen”. So, there you go.

2) Are you and your wife in an open relationship?

Believe it or not, I really do get this question…

Okay…Let’s see how I can answer this… We are open with each other. But, I know that isn’t what you are asking. I can pretty much sum this up in one word. Monogamy.

So, no. My wife and I are not into poly, swapping, free love, yadda yadda. This is not to say we have anything against anyone who is. If that is your schtick, hey, good on ya’. It’s just not for us.

I am sure I will find myself answering this question again. But, there you go…

3) Do you plan to write anything besides the Rowan Gant books?

Yes. I do plan to write other books. When, I have no idea. As long as the demand is there for the RGI series, it gets hard for me to NOT release one per year. Unfortunately, between touring and writing, about one book per year is about all I have time to write at this point.

4) Is there ever going to be a Rowan Gant movie?

I have no clue. It would be very cool, but I don’t have any contracts from any movie studios, so until that happens I’d have to say…yes/no/maybe… (Shrug)…Honestly, I just don’t know.

5) Is the RGI character, Felicity O’Brien, bisexual?

Honestly, this question confuses me. Let me answer it by asking this: At some point during the series has Felicity done something which lead you to believe she might be bi?

If so, please tell me what it is so I can go re-read it myself.

6) Will the RGI character, Ben Storm, ever get back together with his wife?

I have absolutely no idea. He hasn’t said anything about that at this point. If he does, I will be the second to know (he’ll be the first), my pre-readers will be the third, my editor the fourth, and you, the reader, will be number five.

7) When will Rowan and Felicity have children?

When Felicity turns up pregnant and carries full term.

8) What is RGI character Constance Mandalay’s shoe size?

Same as Felicity’s.

I was recently informed that this question was asked as a roundabout way of trying to figure out Constance’s stature in relation to Ben’s. Apparently there was some kind of speculation going on with regard to how the two of them physically interact in the bedroom. (And here all this time I thought I was writing suspense thrillers, not erotica… (shrug)…)

9) Are you a member of any writing/critiquing groups?

I am a member of an online group and many of us are spread out across the country. I have, however, met several of the folks in person.

10) I heard that there is a Rowan Gant based short story being published. Is that true and can I get details?

Yes. I wrote a short story for a horror anthology tentatively titled, Courting Morpheus. It is due out from Apex Publications mid 2008. And, yes, the story I wrote includes a portion of the gang from the RGI series. I will give more details when my editor tells me it’s okay.

That’s it for now… More to come…

Murv

…And an E…BOOZE RUN!

Okay, so I’m not so good with songs, but that was the best I could do with the word booze since the song BEER RUN was going through my head.

Now, in reality I had intended to blog about Jane (aka The Bitch in the Box), because yes, I really do think Jane is kinda hot. Even if she is simply a box of electronic components with a sexy voice that sits on the dashboard and barks orders. (turn here, turn there, take the motorway, etc…)

But, Morrison beat me to it. Go figure. (But, what with Morrison getting on in years and not really being quick on the draw, I guess I should just let her have that one and call it good ) If you want to read about it, go here: Bitch In The Box.

So…Anyway, back to the Booze thing. What I am about to tell you is a little known secret about Morrison. She’s a bootlegger. Well, actually, I don’t suppose she’s a bootlegger in the strictest sense, but that’s what I like to call her. Why? Because it’s fun to pick on Morrison.

Anyhow, here’s the deal. New Hampshire has no sales tax. They also sell their booze in State owned and operated, discount liquor stores. So, wine and spirits are much cheaper there than in most other places throughout the US. Anywhere from a few bucks to even 20 bucks per bottle, depending on what you are buying.

So…Whenever we are on tour through New England, and have a need to pass through New Hampshire, or near New Hampshire, or within some secretly prescribed spitting distance radius (to which I am not privy) around New Hampshire, we go liquor shopping.

Not for just a couple of bottles, mind you.

Morrison fills a suitcase.

A big suitcase.

Really.

There have even been threats of leaving me and my luggage on the side of the road in order to fit the bounty into the vehicle.

I’m serious.

Now, lest you think wrongly and assume I am telling you Morrison is a drunk, let me dispel that. Morrison rarely drinks. I’ve known her for years and have seen her take maybe three drinks that entire time. She’s just not a drinker. No kidding.

Smoker? Well, that’s another story entirely, but she already lives in a place where cigarettes are cheap…And, of course, there is always the coffee.

(Yes, folks, that is REALLY just coffee in that cup…I know it for a fact. I’ve made enough of it for her when she’s stayed with us…Hell, I even have a 2 burner, 3 minute Bunn™ that I keep going at all times when she is here. Note, that when she is staying with us is the only time that piece of equipment actually sees action. We affectionately call it “The Morrison”. as in, “Hey, did you get The Morrison out of the basement? Morrison is gonna be here any minute,” and “Hold on while I fire up The Morrison. If she wakes up and there’s no coffee we’re all gonna get killed.”)

So, nope, Morrison is definitely not a drunk. But, she still fills a suitcase with assorted bottles of booze. You see, whenever we are going to be within the secret spitting distance of New Hampshire, Morrison’s husband and friends make out a list, check it twice, and then send her on a mission to return with good booze at discount prices. So ritualistic is this practice that I have now been on three separate “booze runs” with Morrison. It’s a good thing the folks in New Hampshire put several of these liquor stores right out on the highway near the state line. You almost have to wonder if they are doing that just to lure folks in.

Anyway, this tour we did a booze run. As usual, while Morrison was in the parking lot tossing things everywhere in order to fill the suitcase, I stood by with my diminutive personal stash– a bottle for me, and a nice bottle of Scotch as a gift for my wife.

Now, here’s the sad part of the story. And, it actually has nothing to do with Morrison, as amazing as that may seem.

I flew home on Saturday (6/2)…I had left behind my open bottle at Morrison’s place because I drink enough of their booze when I am on the road with her that I am sure I owed them at least that. Probably more. Unfortunately, I was so wiped out from the 15 days on the road, (yes, from the time on the road, not from the drinking) that by the time Saturday rolled around, my brain was firing on only one cylinder and it had a bent valve at that.

Yes…Without thinking, I put my wife’s gift– a rather expensive (even by New Hampshire discount standards) bottle of 16 year old, French Oak Cask Aged, Reserve, Glenlivet Single Malt Scotch– into my carry-on. I know better than this. I have logged more hours in the air than some flight attendants, so I know what I can and cannot take in a carry-on.

But, I did it anyway…Like I said, without thinking. Most likely because my brain simply wasn’t up to thinking.

So…At Dulles International airport, there is now a TSA official with a very nice bottle of Scotch. They told me they were going to throw it away, but I argued with them about that, insisting that at least ONE of them HAD to be a Scotch drinker, and that if they were going to confiscate it anyway, they needed to do me the kindness of keeping it as a gift, with my compliments, and raising a glass to me as they enjoyed it.

I’ll admit, it was my mistake stuffing it into the wrong suitcase…This certainly qualifies me for the idiot of the year award…

…But, if those TSA folks threw that bottle of Scotch in the trash, then I think I am in no danger of winning, because that would make them bigger idiots that me.

More to come…

Murv