BRAINPAN LEAKAGE

Commercials… You just never know what kind of havoc they will cause. For instance, you have that whole Filet-O-Fish thing going on. There’s even a ring tone for your cell, just like in the commercial itself.

As a matter of fact, E K was at a bank just the other day, stomping a printer into submission – what with her being Queen of the Printer Technicians and all – when a cell phone nearby began ringing. It was, of course, the Filet-O-Fish ring tone.

That’s when the havoc ensued.

As I understand it, E K went over and stabbed the guy in the head with a screwdriver, then stomped his cell phone until it was quiet. Oddly enough, she wasn’t charged with assault or even destruction of property. Apparently she received a standing ovation from everyone else in the bank. You may have read about it in the papers.

Now, me, I actually like the Filet-O-Fish jingle. But, don’t tell E K. She carries a screwdriver in her purse and I’m not big on being stabbed.

Of course, as usual, I am chasing a chicken of different plumage – by that I mean, I’m actually here to talk about a different commercial. Not the Filet-O-Fish song.

So… Anyway… Yeah… Guess I’d better get on with it then…

You see, the other day the O-spring and I were heading out to run some errands. While I generally listen to the local NPR station whenever I’m in the Merp Mobile, on this particular occasion I was in the mood for some tunes, so we were dialed in to the local classic rock station. Fortunately, the O-spring has very diverse musical tastes. She does get into some J-Pop and other stuff that really drives me insane, but she can also be equally entertained by ZZ Top, Black Sabbath, or Billy Joel (ad infinitum). Way cool, eh?

Yeah, I know, I’m getting off track again…

Back to the story… Since we were listening to a commercial station, obviously there were commercial breaks. Since this was shortly before Valentine’s Day, one of them happened to be for a Boudoir / Lingerie Chain that was advertising “Designer Underwear.”

Again, havoc ensues. The following is a best recollection accounting of the conversation that came in the wake of said commercial…

After a thoughtful pause, the O-spring, with an overabundance of confusion in her voice said, “Designer Underwear?! Who would want that?!”

“Well, honey,” I said. “Some people are all about the labels and things like that.”

“Oh, okay,” she replied.

I could tell by the way she said it that we weren’t finished. The traffic signal ahead of us winked so I made my left hand turn and proceeded down the road. The kid stewed silently for another minute or two. You could almost hear the cogs and gears clattering against one another as she concentrated.

Finally she announced, “I guess you just have to be old enough to want designer underwear.”

I was intrigued, so I asked,  “How old is that?”

“Old enough to have a boyfriend,” she replied with a matter-of-fact air about her.

I “schnerked” and tried to avoid spitting a mouthful of coffee all over the inside of my windshield. Gathering my composure I followed up with, “Well, how old do you think that is?”

Once again, gears and ratchets began grinding, clanking, and whirring. A moment later she replied, “I don’t know.”

Like any father with a daughter, I saw a perfect opportunity before me. “Well,” I said. “I’m pretty sure that you aren’t old enough to have a boyfriend until you’re 40.”

“Okay,” the O-spring said, not even flinching. “Sounds good.”

“So, we’re agreed then. You aren’t going to have a boyfriend until you turn 40, right?”

“Right.”

As good a memory as the kid has, I’m fairly certain that in a few years she won’t remember this conversation at all. I’ll definitely remind her, but I don’t think it will do any good.

All I can say is when “teenhood” rolls around and she decides to break the pact, I know there’s nothing I can do. However, if she asks for money to go buy designer underwear, we’re going to have a problem…

More to come…

Murv

I’ve designated this entry “Part 1” because Hell Week Part 2 begins tomorrow morning at 9 AM.

By way of making a long story semi short for those of you who have only been following the bouncing blog for a short time, back in 2003 my father passed away very unexpectedly. His estate was split between my sister and me as outlined in the will. However, a part of that estate was his house in Saint Louis which was occupied by an extended family member, and due to a handshake deal with said tenant we were unable to sell the house. Unfortunately, at the same time there was also no income whatsoever from the house due to the same handshake deal.

Never make a handshake deal. That’s all I have to say on that subject.

At any rate, eventually the extended family tenant moved out. Unfortunately, in the midst of this move the finished basement ended up flooded into oblivion making it necessary for me and 16 of my closest friends to completely gut the lower level of the house, right down to the bare cement walls.

There was plenty of other damage to the house that we had been unable to repair due to restricted access while the tenant was living there, so we have been slowly but surely working on the house getting it ready for rental. You may or may not have seen some of my tweets about yard work, cutting down trees, cleaning, repairs, etc.

Well, in recent days, if you have been following me on Facebook and/or Twitter, you have almost certainly seen me lamenting my age, physical condition, and general muscle soreness over one of the major repair projects at the inherited property we affectionately call “Hell House.”

During this I took several pics with my cell phone, and as promised I am posting a few of them here. What you will see is only about half the work we did because I forgot to photograph the trenches and drainage system we installed.

At any rate, here you have Hell Week At Hell House, Part 1 (Yes, Part 2 will be forthcoming…)

Day 1 – Tuesday 9/8 – We thought we were 20 years old again. We went at it gangbusters, as if we could do anything…

After installing new pipes, GFI outlets, outlet covers, and valves on the sump well in the front of the house we elected to begin work on the massive project of repair on the rear sump. Upon inspection it was obvious that the concrete stairs and pad needed to come out and that a new sump well needed to be dug.

(Left – My contractor buddy Steve going at the concrete pad with a jackhammer. I had already been on the stairs with a sledge.)

Day 2 – Wednesday 9/9 – Muscles we didn’t remember having were complaining. On this day we decided we were 40 years old, which was still younger than we actually are, so that’s a good thing.

Finished jackhammering out the stairs and pad, then dug hole for 20 gallon sump well. I am fairly certain that we made it all the way to New Zealand. Also dug hole on other side of retaining wall in order to connect drainage pipes to the sump.

(Right – Well installed and leveled. Wiring run set in place. Preparing to install pipes so concrete pad can be poured.)

Day 3 – Thursday 9/10 – Aches now have aches. We reached a conclusion… We were no longer 20 or even 40. We felt pretty much like we were 60. Not good, because chronologically in real life we were still younger than that.

(Left – Pad poured) We were happy campers. You can see the form set up in the 12×12 access hole for the sump well. A metal grate was set into place and recessed so that it wouldn’t be a hazard, but was installed on a lip so as to be removable for cleaning and maintenance (or eventual replacement) of the pump itself.

Day 4 – Friday 9/11 – We arrived at the house ready to work. We looked at one another and immediately knew that we had aged 20 years overnight. We were now feeling every bit of 80 years old, and moving like it too. But, there was still work to be done and we jumped into it as hard as our now ancient bodies would allow.

(Right – Other hole to New Zealand on the other side of the retaining wall)

We finished connecting all the pipes throughout the various trenches in the yard, then back filled with chat and dirt. Once the pad had cured a bit we ran a hose into the sump well and tested the operation of our handiwork – Both for satisfaction of curiosity and to be able to properly adjust the sump pump float switch. Then, we cut, assembled, and installed the stair forms. By the time that was finished it was Beer-thirty (5 PM) and we knocked off work early since it was a Friday. Still, we ended up tinkering with smaller projects that could be accomplished with a beer in one hand until much later that evening.

Day 5 – Saturday 9/12 – We were now 120 years old, and felt every bit of it. But, the end (sort of) was in sight. A buddy from KC, Duane Marshall, drove into town to help out. We mixed concrete until we couldn’t move anymore, and managed to pour the stairs.

(Left – Freshly poured stairs with forms in place)

And, what would a Brainpan Leakage entry be without an appearance by Evil Kat… Well, you see, while unloading the extra bags of concrete, Duane (who is always getting himself in trouble with E K anyway) accidentally knocked a brick off the top of the retaining wall and it plummeted into the freshly smoothed stairs just about the time Steve was standing back and inspecting his work. It was like a scene right out of the Three Stooges. Duane apologized profusely, and after all, it was just an accident. Steve took it all in stride and fixed the stairs post haste. However, we couldn’t help ourselves. We had to tell the Evil Redhead. As it happened, when we arrived back home and relayed the story to her she happened to be holding a wire coat hanger. What happened next was… Well, let’s just say that Duane ended up doing a lot of standing because he had some soreness issues when it came to sitting.

Day 6 – Sunday 9/13 – The shortest day of the job thus far, and it was a good one. Steve and I were both actually feeling like we were 50 again, which is pretty close to our actual ages. If we continue the backward trend and settle in at around 40, we’re good with that.

We removed the forms, cleaned up the stairs, and did a bit of touch up work before calling it quits for the rest of the weekend.

(Right – “Green” stairs right after removing forms and doing touch up. You can see the metal grate mentioned earlier in place on the lower pad. The landing at the top of the stairs is the original and slopes toward the yard to direct runoff away from the stairwell which is why it looks uneven. )

And there you have it… We start Hell Week 2 tomorrow with a foundation repair, and finishing on the stairs. I’ll keep you updated…

More to come…

Murv