BRAINPAN LEAKAGE

Day 3, Evening Edition…

The following takes place between… Awww, fuggit.

4:45 PM

@mrsellars – Fuggit. I’m wearing my sweats for the rest of the evening. Miserable, cold rain… Not going to make pretty.

@mrsellars – Walkies… Rain… Walkies… Rain…

@mrsellars – Drip… Drip… Drip…

@Con_Registration – Raining out there?

@mrsellars – Nope. I took a shower but couldn’t find my towel.

@mrsellars – Dry… Dry… Dry…

@mrsellars – Meet Maria William, artist guest of honor and her husband, Chris. Have dinner with faculty advisor, some alumni, and other GoH’s… Good conversation, good noms.

@mrsellars – [Mingle Chat Mingle]

7:30 PM boop, boop, beep, bahp, beep, beep, boop, bahp, bahp, beep, boop… Ring… Ring… Ri!

@EK – Hello.

@mrsellars –  It’s here.

@EK – What’s here?

@mrsellars – Snow. Flakes the size of compact cars flying sideways. I just saw one take out a cow.

@EK – Did you get any steaks?

@mrsellars – Locals beat me to it.

@EK – You let them get there first? Remind me to beat you when you get home.

@mrsellars – Yes ma’am.

@EK – Next cow that goes down you get me some steaks. Got me?

@mrsellars – Damn, I think a family of badgers just flew past the window.

@EK – I’m not fond of badger.

@mrsellars – Yeah, rumor has it they’re afraid of you anyway.

@EK – They should be.

@mrsellars – So, according to the weather service Western Nebraska has been completely annihilated. Storm says it is planning to kill all of us too.

@EK – Hold on just a second. [skree-skrshhh-chunk… riffle…riffle…riffle…] Hmmmm… Okay, I’m back.

@mrsellars – What’s up?

@EK – Just checking to make sure your life insurance is paid up.

@mrsellars – Is it?

@EK – Yes, sure is. So you can stop whining. Why don’t you go for a long walk.

@mrsellars – It’s whiteout conditions. You can’t see across the parking lot.

@EK – Sounds like a good time for you to go exploring, don’t you think?

@mrsellars – O_o

@Faculty_Advisor – …And that one, and that one, and maybe that one.

@mrsellars – I dunno, there isn’t much meat on that one. Maybe a soup bone.

@Faculty_Advisor – That might work.

@mrsellars – We’ll need salt. Being students they might be a bit gamey. Gonna want to salt ’em down for a day or two before we cook ’em.

@Faculty_Advisor – I’ll check the cafeteria.

@mrsellars – While you’re there, see if they have any garlic and fava beans. No reason for us to be barbaric about it.

8:00 PM  – Masquerade Contest – GoH’s judge.

@mrsellars – Whoa mama, E K needs a costume like that… Cool… Good workmanship… That’s one’s neat… Hey, I bet that one took a lot of work… Wow… That one is impressive… Man, that one is cool… Hey, she sings good… Hey, she’s pretty funny… Wow, he put a lot of work into that…

@mrsellars – [Deliberate] [Discuss] [Deliberate] [Discuss]

@mrsellars – Need to stop visualizing E K in that costume…

@mrsellars – Night all… I’m too old for this shit, I’m going to my room to settle in.

@Con_Folks – Goodnight, Murv!

@mrsellars – Walkies… Walkies… Walkies…

@mrsellars – Walkies… Walkies… Lean… Stagger… Lean…

@mrsellars – Walkies… Walkies…

@mrsellars – Stumble…

@mrsellars – [unlock door] [go in] [lock door] [turn on computer] [raise blinds]

@mrsellars –  {exhausted sigh}

More to come… (Or, not…)

Murv

Note: Satire, observational, humor, ’nuff said. See previous disclaimer. Tired.

If you follow me on Twitter, you already know that sometime early Thursday morning 4/2, I lamented the fact that according to the national weather service, a blizzard is supposed to hit Wayne, NE this weekend. Why would I worry about a blizzard in Wayne, NE? Well, because as I write this I am sitting on the floor outside my gate at the Minneapolis-St. Paul airport, on my way to Wayne… Now, I won’t be able to actually post this until I arrive at my destination (via Sioux City, IA BTW – Airport code SUX… yeah, no kidding.) I can’t post this yet because it seems that airports have done away with free wi-fi and are now charging 8 bucks for a couple of hours. I don’t need it that bad… What I need is a Crackberry….

Either way, I had intended to tweet along, letting y’all know what was going on as I embarked on this odyssey to be Guest of Honor at WillyCon XI, the Wayne State College SF/Fantasy convention. However, I have obviously been thwarted in that respect.

So…This first leg of my journey will be compressed here as a randomly entered journal of pseudo tweets… My personal hashtag for this will be #fuckme… I will also be adding psuedo tweets from others who had a direct influence on my trip, but didn’t even know they were tweeting:

@mrsellars – Fuck me. Lambert airport is charging for Wi-Fi. No tweets till I make it to Minneapolis.

@mrsellars – Why is the turbine on the left engine going whocka-whocka-whocka-thumpa-whap?

@mrsellars – How many hamsters does it take to make that turbine turn so fast?

@flight_attendant – We use guinea pigs on this plane.

@mrsellars – Okay, I’ll bite. How many guinea pigs?

@flight_attendant – Fasten your seatbelt sir.

@flight_attendant_#2 – Wah wah wah, nah wahm nah wah…nom.

@mrsellars – Damn… She sounds like the adults on a Charlie Brown cartoon.

@flight_attendant – Coffee?

@mrsellars – Yes, please.

@mrsellars – Roller coaster turbulence over Iowa. My theory? Rising gases from a cloud of cow farts.

@mrsellars – May I have some more coffee?

@flight_attendant – I think you’ve had quite enough sir.

@mrsellars – On ground in Minneapolis. Texted E K. Now sitting and waiting for gate to be free.

@mrsellars – Damn! The universe apparently knows I missed my morning walk. Arrived gate F12 – connection at gate A11. Walkies!

@mrsellars – Still 3 hours before I can board egg beater express bound for Sioux City. ½ cup of Fiber One at 6AM now wearing off. Need food.

@mrsellars – Nothing here. Food court ½ mile back the way I came. Walkies!

@mrsellars – Quizno’s line around block. Employees moving in slow motion. Stomach not happy.

@mrsellars – Caribou coffee across the way. Going there.

@mrsellars – Consumed not so stellar 2 dollar roast turkey wrap with 1 dollar 11 oz beverage that had blue green algae in it. Total cost $11.05.

@mrsellars – Floor show during lunch. Captain Important paced back and forth in front of me yelling into his bluetooth headset. Impressive.

@mrsellars – Walkies! Now back at gate. No seats available. Crap. I’ll sit over here on the floor.

@mrsellars – Okay. Now I’ll tweet for a bit.

@mrsellars – FUCK ME! Minneapolis charges for Wi-Fi too!

@mrsellars – Fuggit. I’ll write it on word and post it as a blog later.

@mrsellars – Damn! How far up do her legs go? Interesting view from down here on the floor.

@mrsellars – Shit (or :poopie: for the Bitten by Books chatroom crowd.) My foot fell asleep.

@mrsellars – Aha! People going to Ohio are boarding. Now’s my chance for a seat in the waiting area.

@mrsellars – Missing my desk chair. It’s a hell of a lot more comfortable than this one.

@Gate_Attendant – Sir… Sir! Are you on this flight to Ohio?

@mrsellars – no ma’am.

@Gate_Attendant – Are you sure?

@mrsellars – Well, no, I don’t guess I am. I just told your ticket agent to give me a boarding pass for a random flight. Maybe I should look.

@Gate_Attendant – Why are you wearing shorts? It’s 30 degrees outside.

@mrsellars – It’s complicated. You see, I have a condition.

@Blond_Gate_Agent – Yah…Yah…I doo, don’tcha know…Yah…

@Original_Gate_Agent – Yah, yah… I doo too, yah’know… Yew betcha…

@mrsellars – Yep. I’m definitely in Minnesota.

@mrsellars – Holy crap… I don’t think I’ve ever seen this much “A Prairie Home Companion” hair all in one place my entire life.

@mrsellars – I didn’t even know they could still do those hairstyles. I wonder how many curlers they used on that one…

@mrsellars – They just started up one of the egg beaters. I can still identify individual blades on the prop even though the engine is screaming like a banshee.

@mrsellars – Wait… I can see the pilot through the windscreen…

@mrsellars – Reading the pilot’s lips – I think I can, I think I can…

@mrsellars – Might need to go back for coffee. Another ½ mile. Getting workout today.

@mrsellars – I haz a headache. Battery on notebook running low. Might need to find an outlet.

@mrsellars – Went about ¼ mile. Came across machine that sells coffee for a dollar. Decided to give it a try.

@mrsellars – Punched in 1 F 3 for what was supposed to be a Butterfinger Latte.

@mrsellars – Got 6 F 6 instead – year old pencil shavings strained through one of E Kay’s stockings with lukewarm water and a hint of rancid honey.

@mrsellars – Don’t ask me how I know what E Kay’s stockings taste like. I won’t tell you.

@mrsellars – How far is it from F12 to A11?

@Another_Gate_Agent – A little over two miles.

@mrsellars – Srsly?

@Another_Gate_Agent – Yah.

@mrsellars – Yep. Got my exercise.

@cellphone – Boopee Doopee Doopee Dooooo Ahhhh Boopee…

@mrsellars – Hello?

@EK – Hi.

[Rest of conversation censored due to graphic depictions of @mrsellars imagination along with sappy woodja-woodja lovey stuff…]

@mrsellars – Still have headache. Took aspirin. Noticed that people in Minnesota have apparently never seen a man wearing shorts before.

@mrsellars – Another hour plus left before the egg beater express flits me off to Sioux City. Hear they have Fly SUX T-shirts for sale. MUST have one…

@mrsellars – Srsly. It’s a moral imperative.

@mrsellars – Gate change. Oh joy… Not.

@mrsellars – Apparently Minnesotans are also AFRAID to SPEAK to a man wearing shorts.

@mrsellars – Thought I just saw Maurice Minnifield from Northern Exposure…

@mrsellars – No, not the actor. The REAL Maurice Minnifield…

@mrsellars – Damn! Rest of the passengers caught on to the gate change, and followed me over here. So much for a peaceful flight.

@mrsellars – Imagining E K wearing [CENSORED]

@mrsellars – {Bored Sigh}

@mrsellars – Wondering if @PaulCooked ever got that badger off his head…

@mrsellars – Pretty sure I just saw Kenny Rogers working on the ground crew. Must be paying off “Gambler” debts. (Ha! I kill me!)

@mrsellars – Guy with HUGE ASS headphones staring at me. Kinda freaky.

@mrsellars – Egg beater express got upgraded. Now flying on Estes model rocket. Hope the nose cone doesn’t suddenly fall off. Don’t wanna land using a plastic parachute.

@passenger – I’m supposed to sit in that seat next to you.

@mrsellars – Okay, but the flight is only half full and the flight attendant said sit anywhere you want.

@passenger – My ticket says I’m supposed to sit in that seat next to you.

@mrsellars – Are you just dying to sit next to me or something?

@passenger – But… But… My ticket says I’m supposed to sit in that seat next to you.

@mrsellars – Okay, “Sheldon”, how about if I move and let you have that seat.

@passenger – But, but… Doesn’t your ticket say you are supposed to sit here?

@mrsellars – No, “Sheldon”… My ticket says general seating. It’ll be okay…

@Flight_Attendant – Coffee?

@mrsellars – Yes, please.

@Flight_Attendant – Cream and sugar?

@mrsellars – Is the coffee really THAT bad?

@Flight_Attendant – Fasten your seatbelt sir.

And, now I’m here, and life is getting back to normal. Well, as normal as it can be for an old guy on a college campus, anyway…

More to come…

Murv