BRAINPAN LEAKAGE

You know, the rumor mill seems to be getting more activity than my coffee grinder…What’s up with that?

So, anyway, I am back from Nashville, which was my last gig for the year. I had a blast, as usual, but I’m glad it’s over and I get to stay home with the Evil One and the Offspring for a while. But, while in Nashville, I was enlightened as to some of the rumors circulating about me. For fun, I thought I’d address the ones I was told here in this blog-

1. M. R. Sellars is tall.

I suppose that would depend upon your perspective. I’m 5′ 7″…Or, I used to be. I’ve probably shrunk a bit over the years. In any case, I think that probably qualifies as average height, not tall.

2. M. R. Sellars is blonde.

Look at my picture. Do I look blonde to you? Maybe WAYYYYYYY back when I was a teenager, but that was only for one summer and was the result of spending all day in/at the pool along with the help of a 70’s era hair product called “Sun In” (Yes, it was intended to gradually bleach your hair.) Other than that, the closest I’ve ever been to blonde would probably be when I was like two or something, but even then we were talking light to medium brown, not blonde.

3. M. R. Sellars is gay.

I assume the meaning here is as in homosexual, and not the colloquial “gay = strange”…Or, even the standard “overjoyed”…Well, actually, no. I’m not. I’m heterosexual, i.e. straight. Always have been, no plans to change either.

4. M. R. Sellars is bi.

See answer to rumor 3.

And, my personal favorite…

5. M. R. Sellars attended a BDSM con in Atlanta, GA and scored with the babes.

Okay, how substantiated this particular rumor is, I have no idea, but I was informed that it had been a topic of discussion on some lists. Not lists that I am on, so who knows. Either way, let’s lay out some facts here:

A. I haven’t attended ANY BDSM Conventions at all, much less any in Atlanta. This is not to say that I wouldn’t or won’t, especially since the Miranda Trilogy would do well there, but as yet, I haven’t done a promo appearance at such a convention. (I also haven’t attended one for pleasure either.)

B. I am MONOGAMOUS and have a smokin’ hot wife. (Remember EK?) So, even if I were to attend such an event I would not be scoring with anyone but the redhead known as EK.

C. Apparently, from what I am told, the tall and blonde rumors are subsets of this particular rumor.

So, apparently from what I was told some tall, blonde dude went around saying he was me in order to score.

Dude…come on…You can’t score on your own? More importantly, you can’t pick someone who is a closer physical match to you, especially given that a simple Google search of my name will reveal a gazillion pictures that would instantly disprove your claim? Obviously you are taking the line from that Sean Connery movie WAY TOO seriously… I hate to tell you this but that was just a movie– women will NOT sleep with you just because you wrote a book.

So, all I can say is that if you did manage to score by using my name, well…Good on ya’.

But, really, if the truth be told, if you did, I hope she was a Dom and when she figured out you were lying about who you were she beat the living snot out of you (not in the good way, more like in the Miranda way) then left you tied up in a closet in a hotel room with the do not disturb sign on the door so you could spend a little time ruminating over your overt stupidity for a day or two.

Yeah, that translates into, “Get a life and stop using my name for your own personal gain, you fruitloop.”

So, there you have it…Other than the ages old rumor that I’m dead, which for some reason seems to resurface every now and then, those are the latest…To recap, I’m not tall, not blonde, not gay, not bi, and have not attended a BDSM convention for business (or pleasure), and therefore, you have NOT slept with me.

More to come…

Murv

How y’all are?

As I’m sure you’ve noticed from the lack of bloggage of late, I’ve been wayyyyy too busy. So…what have I been doing? Well, stuff, and things, and stuff. You know…things you have to do when there are things that need doing.

Yeah, real specific there, eh?

Okay, I suppose I should be a bit more forthcoming. Primarily, I’ve been traveling. Over the past few weeks I’ve been in Virginia, Maryland, Nevada, and Arizona just to name a few places.

This Friday morning (yeah, like day after tomorrow) I hop another plane and head for Spokane, WA. Fortunately, even with all this being away from home, my kid still remembers my name and I haven’t found anyone else’s shoes under my bed…so, I’m pretty sure Evil Kat hasn’t replaced me yet, or even started the application process. Which is a good thing, because she’s way too busy to train another husband.

So…on the Spokane deal. I have a layover in Salt Lake City on my way, which is where I meet up with Morrison and we catch a flight into Spokane where we will be appearing at the Conscious Living Expo. Per our itineraries, my flight in from St. Louis lands about 6 minutes before Morrison’s flight from Virginia. So, I have 6 minutes to find her gate and meet up with her so we can shuffle off to our connecting flight. No big deal, right? Guess again…

Now, I don’t know if any of you have ever walked through an airport with Morrison, but I have. Here’s the thing–under normal, everyday circumstances, Morrison walks at the same pace as your average human being. This is NOT the case when you put her in an airport. For some reason– perhaps the fumes from the jet fuel, I dunno–when faced with an airport concourse, Morrison turns into a sprinter. It doesn’t matter if she has 3 hours before her connection, she does the 4 minute mile from one gate to the next. Last time I had to do this we met up in Denver on our way to Reno for the Northern Nevada PPD, and there I was cruising along at a brisk pace, thinking everything was normal…But nooooooo…30 seconds later I look up and realize that Morrison is about 25 yards ahead of me and widening the gap. On top of that, she was completely oblivious to the fact that I had been left in the dust and was just jabbering away to thin air. (Yes, it was thin…We were, after all, in Denver.)

So, you see, I am going to need to wear running shoes just to deal with this layover, because the TSA isn’t about the let me bring a tranquilizer dart with me in order to slow Morrison down.

Okay, enough of that. Morrison is getting wayyyyy too much air time in MY blog.

Speaking of airtime…Thursday (10/11) at 3:15PM (Pacific Time) I will be doing a short phone interview with Tanya Tyler, one of the radio personalities at KZZU 92.9FM. They apparently have a stream on their site so you can listen via the internet if you are so inclined. You can find it here- www.kzzu.com. I’m not sure what we are going to talk about, but I guess we’ll all find out. If you happen to live in the Spokane area, according to the website Tanya is giving away tickets to the Conscious Living Expo all week.

So, let’s see…What else is going on…Oh, yeah, by popular demand, Miranda has her own Myspace page now. You can find her here- Miranda’s Myspace. Go ahead and send her a friend request if you are feeling brave. I have a feeling she’s looking for more victims.

Other than that, well…I’m basically spending a lot of time cleaning up around the house and that sort of domestic type thing. What I REALLY need to be doing is packing for Friday, but as usual I am dragging my feet. I did, at least, get my suitcase out and set it in the living room. I suppose I should get busy and go put some stuff in it…

More to come…

Murv