BRAINPAN LEAKAGE

So… What would make a man who is on a gear down, VFR approach to 50 “squeee” like a little kid on Christmas morning? Especially when he is a guy who is completely taken aback whenever a fan “squeees” at him during a book signing?  (I even had one poor lady break down into a trembling, crying fit when she met me at a bookstore… I wasn’t sure what to make of that at all.)

Well, let me see if I can explain exactly what it takes to turn me into an instant “fan boy” without even adding water…

Those of you who read Brainpan Leakage on a regular basis are well aware of my involvement with the “Back To Frank Black” campaign, whereby we die-hard fans of the television show Millennium are trying to cajole the studio into making a movie to wrap up the series (at the very least). Because of this I have had the good fortune to be invited onto the “Millennium Group Sessions Podcast” on several occasions. First to be interviewed about my work and how my Rowan Gant novels are similar in genre to the show, and since then to be a part of the “on air” cast who discuss episodes and all things “Millennium.”

Troy Foreman and James Mclean host the show and have actually become good friends – albeit long-distance, what with one of them living on the East coast and the other in the U. K.

I know, I know, get on with it Murv… What’s up with the “squeee”?

Well, you see, in just a few hours we will be recording another episode of the Millennium Group Sessions, and I have once again been invited to be a part of this particular show. Ostensibly my invite had been to participate in a Millennium Trivia survey, which just last night I discovered to be a cunning ruse cooked up by the hosts. The only reason I found out is because I was begging off this go around due to the plethora of problems we are having over at the rental house we are rehabbing (look for another blog on that subject very soon)… However, when I sent the email Troy replied with a note telling me he had to fess up – they actually wanted me to come on the show to help them interview one of the actors from Millennium, and they had wanted it to be a surprise.

Yes, folks. In just a few short hours I will be making a big ol’  check mark on my personal “bucket list”… I am going to be chatting with Megan Gallagher.

Insert Man Squeee here…

Aww hell, I’m not proud, insert two squeees and a happy dance around my office…

In case you have been living under a rock, Ms. Gallagher portrayed Catherine Black – Frank Black’s wife – on the series. I have been a fan of her work ever since seeing her on such shows as Hill Street Blues and China Beach.

When she showed up on Millennium I was almost ecstatic.

And, as those of you who are on Myspace already know, she is listed prominently under the heading “People I’d Like To Meet” – Of course, it also states that I would probably vapor lock and babble unintelligible drivel if that ever happened. It’s probably a good thing this interview will all be done via Skype, otherwise I would most likely frighten the poor woman away.

Now, some of you may wonder why I am so smitten with Ms. Gallagher. Well, I think her photos make that obvious. However, beside the fact that she is absolutely gorgeous she is an incredible actress. The range of expression she conveys without uttering a single word simply amazes me.

And to those of you who are regular readers here, I am sure you are wondering what The Evil Redhead thinks about all of this. Well, she actually finds it amusing. Truth is, there has been a running joke between us for the 20+ years we’ve been married – If we ever parted ways, she was going to go hook up with Pierce Brosnan, and I was going to go hook up with Megan Gallagher.

For the record – E K and I are NOT parting ways – I’m way too smitten with my wife, and she doesn’t want to train another lackey –  furthermore, as noted above the bit about hooking up with celebs was a joke. We are NOT obsessed stalker types. I personally have had to deal with a couple of my own fans who have crossed that line and it’s… it’s just… well, creepy and scary.

At any rate, thanks to Troy and James I will be chatting with Megan Gallagher today…

Insert another Man Squeee here…

…So, my apologies in advance for any broken glass my incessant squeeeing may cause throughout the day.

Now, if I can just manage to get through the interview without sounding like a completely tongue-tied idiot or scaring the poor woman…

More to come…

Murv

…Is probably SMEAT.

I bet you thought I was going to say TREET, didn’t you? Well, if it comes to the actual product, yeah, TREET is likely to be what you’ll find in my cupboard. As I’ve pointed out before, I can pick up TREET for 99¢ at the local supermarket, whereas its almost identical cousin SPAM is more along the line of 3 bucks. It doesn’t take Professor Eppes from Numbers to do that math. Hell, I can even do it without taking off my shoes and socks.

But, let’s get back to SMEAT.

You see, when you create a work of fiction, grey areas of copyright law such as “Fair Use” don’t apply. What this means is, you can’t quote song lyrics without permission, and it’s a really, really bad idea to use trademarked brand names without permission. Unfortunately, obtaining permission can sometimes – actually, most of the time – be a mission you’d rather not undertake. I managed to luck out and obtain permission from Michael Moorcock, the copyright holder on the lyrics for a particular song performed by Blue Oyster Cult. And, let me tell you, it really was luck. I’ve tried to snag permission to quote lyrics from other artist’s since, and they’ve all either simply not replied, told me no way, or most often immediately replied with “GIMME GIMME A big a$$ chunk of your pie” – (apparently they too think we authors just rake in the cash.) Don’t get me wrong… It’s their intellectual property – or in many cases, belongs to a music licensing firm – but, I’m here to tell you they can be pretty ridiculous when it comes to their expectations regarding payment.

And, music isn’t the only thing we are talking about here. Brand names of products fit into this mix as well. Of course, there are also certain trademarked names that have actually become so pervasive as to end up in our colloquial lexicon, such as “Kleenex”. Give a listen during cold and flu season sometime. Between the sneezes and sniffles, the majority of the sick folk will refer to tissues as “Kleenex”. There’s nothing particularly wrong with that. It’s simply something that has become ingrained in our culture – which was what the company was trying to do in the first place. However, since “Kleenex” is trademarked, if a character in a story happens to need a good nose blow, to be on the safe side they should probably use a tissue, not a “Kleenex”… Readers will still know what you are talking about. In fact, for many of them, they will simply think “Kleenex” in place of tissue. It’s one of those Jedi Mind tricks our brains play on us.

But, if you really want to us “Kleenex,” I’m not about to stop you. As I’ve made perfectly clear, I have no intention of telling anyone how to write. Not my place, not my thing.

But, let’s get back to the SMEAT.

You see, unless you are watching a big budget Bond flick, or some other Hollywood advertising vehicle that contains insane amounts of bought and paid for product placement throughout, the props you see on screen aren’t necessarily what you think they are.

Yeah… It’s another one of those Jedi Mind tricks.

You see, you aren’t likely to see SPAM in a movie. What you will see is SMEAT. Of course, had it been me designing the props, I would have called it SMEET – you know, SPAM plus TREET… But, I can see where they were coming from. At any rate, the same thing applies for just about anything else you see on the screen – cans of soup, books, newspapers, etc. None of them are real. They are fabricated to look close enough to an actual product so as to trick your mind into instantly recognizing it. Of course, some of them are simply made to look “real,” but not to necessarily trigger a subliminal connection to an actual product. For instance, the book cover above. For me, “Sky Sluts” doesn’t trigger a connection to an actual book title, nor does the cover art. However, I have to admit, now that I’ve seen it I’m damn curious about what the actual story might be. My guess is that it is fairly weak on plot, substance, character development, and maybe even writing. However, I get the impression it tries to make up for all of that with action.

Now, if you don’t believe me about this whole movie prop thing, I can understand your skepticism, but I’m not making it up. For instance, SMEAT was used in an episode of Millennium, as well as some other movies. Take a close look at soda cans and beer cans in your favorite television shows. At first glance the labels look downright familiar, but if you focus on them for a second, suddenly you get the full picture. In the interim, if you are interested in seeing more, take a surf on over to this web address:

The Earl Hays Press

These are the folks who design and print the “look alike” props you see in movies. They go all out with the details too, because you never know when a closeup might be in order.

Oh, and while you are there make sure you check out the Booze labels. Trust me, you’ll get a laugh.  I mean, it’s not every day you see a bottle of “Snotliknaya” Vodka or “Bar Fly Label” Gin.

Yeah, that’s the real kicker about this stuff. The entire time it is evoking a brand recognition in our subconscious mind, it is also packing tongue in cheek details that are good for a snicker or two…

All I can say is the folks who design these props must have a ball.

More to come…

Murv