BRAINPAN LEAKAGE

If you aren’t from – or in my case, intimately familiar with since I live here – the Saint Louis area, you are probably not going to have any idea what I am talking about. Most likely, the only other way you would have a clue about this is if you happened to have seen a documentary on PBS back in 2003 called “Sandwiches You Will Like,” and even then you might be scratching your head…Unless you happen to remember the segment on the “St. Paul Sandwich.”

For those of you who still haven’t any clue what I am on about, please allow me to explain.

Among foods that hail from St. Louis – and some that even remain totally unique to STL – such as Toasted Ravioli, Gooey Butter Cake, Slingers, etc, there is a delicacy known as the “St. Paul Sandwich“. Now, the thing about this sandwich is that it has absolutely NOTHING to do with St. Paul, Minnesota as one would surmise from its name. Why it has this name no one really knows. How it got invented – Well, that’s a mystery too…Either way, it is a creation hailing from St. Louis, Missouri, and for some reason remaining here almost exclusively – though rumor has it you can now obtain one in San Francisco. (I cannot say this is a true fact as I have not been to SF to attempt finding one)… Anyhow, the St. Paul is something you get from a Chinese restaurant…Yeah, a Chinese restaurant. Obviously, we are talking Americanized Chinese food here, but what the hell – it’s a St. Paul Sandwich by the Gods!

So, what exactly IS a St. Paul Sandwich? Simple, really – it is an egg foo young patty (flavor of choice – beef, chicken, whatever) sans gravy. It is then placed between two slices of plain, white sandwich bread – To be PROPER, the bread should in fact be Wonder Bread–, since Wonder is big here and we have a local Wonder factory/bakery and all – anyway, add to that, at the bare minimum, dill pickle slices (not sweet, must be dill) and a bit of mayo. Some restaurants will embellish with sliced tomato and a bit of lettuce as well, which is always nice.

So there you have it… The St. Paul Sandwich – Saint Louis comfort food. A veritable bit of perfection between two slices. Good for what ails ya’. Happiness on bread. Lunch. Dinner. A late night snack..The whole nine yards…

“But, Murv…” you say as you pause with a confused expression on your face before launching into the crux of your question. “The title of this blog is The St. Storm Sandwich, not The Saint Paul Sandwich. What gives?”

You are correct…That IS the title…Why? Because, like all of my other characters, Detective Benjamin Storm has a mind of his own, and while he likes St. Pauls, he prefers to put a bit of a twist on them (as does this author…) Therefore, I present to you…

The Saint Storm Sandwich

Obviously, you have to start with Egg Foo Young Patties sans gravy, your flavor of choice (Ben prefers beef and sometimes pork. The author, on the other hand, is fond of vegetable EFY. The tricky part here is that the author happens to be an accomplished cook, whereas Ben’s expertise in the kitchen extends about as far as making a grilled cheese sandwich using aluminum foil and a steam iron. Therefore, the author makes his own egg foo young. Ben, on the other hand, picks his up from Happy Wok Express [see: Never Burn A Witch]. He simply orders it without the gravy then takes them home and assembles the sandwich himself. Although, being a regular at the Happy Wok, he has convinced them to keep the non-standard ingredients in the walk-in, and they have been known to make the sandwiches for him at times.)

INGREDIENTS:

Egg Foo Young Patty, no gravy, flavor of choice

Two slices of dark rye bread (NOTE: Author prefers a nice multi-grain instead, although the rye is a nice change of pace at times.)

Horseradish-Sharp Cheddar Cheese Spread

Salad Dressing (Ben and Author both prefer Spin Blend, another midwestern product…)

Thinly sliced tomato

Dill pickle slices

Crispy fried bacon strips

PREPARATION:

Toast bread. Place a thin layer of salad dressing on one slice and a generous layer of horseradish-cheese spread on the other. Layer EFY patty, tomato, pickles, and several strips of bacon on top of first bread slice. If you are especially hungry, double the number of EFY patties, pickles, tomato, and bacon then repeat layer. Top with second bread slice. Enjoy with a cold beer.

Special Note: Double-decker St. Storms are usually reserved for when you are drunk and cannot comprehend that your mouth probably won’t fit around it. Generally, author will eat one (1) regular St. Storm. Ben, however, usually consumes a bare minumum of three (3).

So, there you have it… No, I’m not kidding. If you don’t have access to decent EFY like Ben, and you are proficient in the kitchen, I’ll be happy to pass along my personal recipe for the “egg foo” itself.

More to come…

Murv

I actually have two of them. One is Wendy with WillowTree Press. The other is Scott McCoy who is an independent, outside publicist – meaning he is with an outside firm, not the publisher proper. This blog is about him. We all affectionately refer to Scott as “Chunkee”, because he’s a big guy. (I have to pull a Rowan and look up, just like Row does when he’s talking to Ben.)

Anyhow, I am fortunate in several ways having Chunkee and Firestorm Publicity Services… For one, Firestorm is located in St. Louis, where I live, so they are local. Makes it easier to meet up with the Chunk Man. For another, Chunkee is a good friend, as well as being my publicist. And, finally, he is more than just a friend and publicist, he’s kind of like a personal assistant as well.

To explain, he not only puts out press releases and other things that a publicist does, but he also books my gigs, handles a lot of my correspondence, and has even acted as “bodyguard” on the couple of occasions when that has been necessary.

Now, if all that isn’t enough, he also understands when it is crunch time for me trying to get a manuscript in by deadline. He knows that when such times arrive, I need not be disturbed unless it is something incredibly important. But, he also knows that I get moody and need comfort type stuff…

So, here we are at crunch time. I have a deadline to hit in about 10 days. So, I’m busy. I’m grouchy. And, I’m in need of those things which comfort my very soul.

Chunkee could tell this by the simple tone of my email responses to him…

Therefore, as I sat here at the dining room table, tapping away at the keyboard yesterday, I heard a car door, then the storm door on the front of my house creaking open. A moment or two later, I heard the car door again, followed by a vehicle pulling out of my driveway and heading off down the street. No doorbell. No knock. Nothing.

Curious, I went to the door and noticed through the windows that the storm door was propped open. Now… Like Rowan, my heart skipped a beat. I wasn’t expecting any kind of delivery, and I have had stalkers in the past… My initial thoughts were– If I open the door is something going to explode? Will it maybe be some flaming poo instead? What could it be?…

So, with great trepidation I carefully opened the door. There, resting on the threshold I found a grocery bag with a note from Chunkee pinned to it, which read simply:

Care Package For Murv.

Looking inside I found a six pack of Blue Moon Belgian White Ale, a bag of “scoop” corn chips, and a jar of chili cheese dip. Three of my favorite comfort foods.

All I can say is Chunkee be the man. I couldn’t ask for a better publicist, or a better friend.

More to come…

Murv