BRAINPAN LEAKAGE

I’ll take some heat for this, but hey, when don’t I?

However, before I say what I am going to take heat for, I would like to point out that I am not targeting any single religious group. I’m not actually targeting anyone. I am, however, finding myself confounded by those who who offer up religion – or deity, more specifically – as an excuse. And that goes for any and all religious paths – be the reference aimed at God, Lord and Lady, God and Goddess, Buddha, ad infinitum…

Here’s why…

Friday – GOOD Friday, mind you, just in case you are keeping track – Saint Louis experienced one of the worst tornadoes and storm systems it has in years. Fact is, this whole spring has been wicked for the Midwest and South. Here in STL we’ve had more hail and tornadoes for one season than I can remember. I don’t know if that’s a historical fact. I’m simply relying on my memory. Thing is, it’s been rough. From New Year’s Eve, through February, and on into spring we’ve had tornadoes touching down, and storms rolling through with straight line winds, hail, and all the trimmings. Plenty of damage too…

This past Friday’s storm put down a twister that is currently being estimated at an EF3. It did millions of dollars worth of damage to Lambert STL Airport, which incidentally is where I fly from on a regular basis, and is also just a scant few miles from my house. It all but leveled one subdivision as well, and caused immense amounts of damage to others. This isn’t even counting what it did to the West in Saint Charles County and to the East in Illinois.

Yet, injuries were minor, and so far I’ve heard no reports whatsoever of loss of life. This is a wonderful thing. My way of thinking is that because of technology and connectivity, folks were informed and prepared. We live in a vastly different world than that of 100 years ago. Hell, it’s vastly different than that of when I was a kid my daughter’s age. Back then you really had no idea what was coming until it was right on top of y0u. Now, it’s a whole different story and if you are paying attention to the radio, the TV, the internet, or even your phone, you can take cover with time to spare…

Hey, even E K, the O-spring, and I spent some time hanging out in our basement when the tornado began to cut its swath through our area. We were technically in its path, and they can change direction. Better safe than sorry. Technology. It can save lives. Gotta love it…

But here’s my thing…

No matter where I’ve turned – the news, Facebook, email, in person conversations – I keep hearing things like:

Thank God, nobody was seriously hurt.

Thank the Lord and Lady you’re okay…

etc…

Now, I should mention, I certainly appreciate the sentiments and I am glad that people are glad that I am okay – and that everyone else is okay too.  Trust me, I get it. I appreciate it. I thank you for it. I’m glad that I am okay too. I’m glad that nobody was seriously hurt, be they my friends or even total strangers.

But let’s look at this a bit closer – Since all of these deities – (if one subscribes to the beliefs) – are responsible for everything that happens – (God’s will, Buddha provides, the Lord and Lady have plans for me/you/us/them, ad nauseum…) – they are also directly responsible for raining down said destruction upon us.

So… Why are we thanking them for this? Kinda reeks of a fraternity hazing, doesn’t it? Sorry, but I’m not about to look up to the sky and say, “Thank you, may I have another?”

Nope. The only divine intervention I am seeing here is that of Doppler radar, high resolution satellites, TV, Radio, Internet, and Smart Phones…

What’s that?

Ohh… Well… Umm… Well yeah… You are correct… I will look up at E K and say “Thank you, may I have another,” but that’s a whole different story and we won’t discuss it on a PG rated blog…

More to come…

Murv

PS. Just so nobody gets the wrong idea, I’m very glad everyone is okay, and escaped with only minor injuries, if any at all.  I also feel for those who lost their homes, etc. I’m just not going to ascribe any good fortune to an unseen deity who is also theoretically responsible for the disaster in the first place…

…Or am I just happy to see you?

Remember your childhood? No… Not back that far. No need for poopy diapers around here. I fling enough poo for all of us.

I mean like back when you were about 8 to 10… Maybe slightly younger, but not too much. You know, kind of like around the age of kids in those sub sandwich commercials where they have all the adults running around but they have little kid kinda voices…

You haven’t seen those? Well damn… They’re actually kinda funny…

Hmmm… Well just stick with me here and maybe we can work this out.

Back when you were a kid, around 8 to 10, did your parents ever say, “Come on, Rusty (or whatever they called you). We’re going for a ride.” Then, drive for about two hours and eventually boot you out of the car on some lonely country road and then speed off?

Okay, okay so mine didn’t do that to me either.

So, how about this instead: Did they ever hustle you into the car, not telling you where you were going, then listen to you gripe for 20 minutes because you wanted to watch Lassie or The Lone Ranger instead of go somewhere that you didn’t even know where or what it was? And then, after you were really good and bored, and extra grumpy, and were just plain being a kid, they broke the news to you that you were on your way to get a new bike… Or a puppy… Or to see a movie you’d just been dying to see… Or Holiday Hill… Or White Castle… Or swimming… Or any one of a million things that would make a kid go ape-shit excited to the point where they wiggle right out of their Superman Underoos?

Well, unless you had a truly horrible childhood then you probably know what I’m talking about, at least on some level, be it big or small.  If you did have a truly horrible childhood, you have my sympathies…

So anyway, why the hell am I rambling about such inane silliness? Well, you see, sometimes it’s exactly like that for writers. We get started on a manuscript (hustled into the car). We write, and write, and write (gripe and get grouchy because we’d rather be looking at porn… Hey, the other shows have lost their appeal at this point)… and besides, even though the story is good, and the prose we have penned is gripping, the final destination is in the hands of the characters and they haven’t yet given up the secret info…

But then, just like our parents who had tortured us with clandestine car rides only to surprise us with serendipitous banana splits from Velvet Freeze,  our characters choose some arbitrary moment to reveal to us where we are going.

You know, like when we are folding the laundry and ruminating about where to take that next chapter.

And, just like the little kids we were then, we wiggle right out of our  Superman Underoos, giggle, pee ourselves, and get all kinds of cotton candy overload excited.

Yeah… Pretty cool, eh?

So… I guess now that I’ve peed my Superman Underoos I should change. Whaddaya think, Batman or Aquaman?

Of course, there’s always Wonder Woman… But those are really designated for when I’m looking at porn instead of writing…

More to come…

Murv