BRAINPAN LEAKAGE

…And an E…BOOZE RUN!

Okay, so I’m not so good with songs, but that was the best I could do with the word booze since the song BEER RUN was going through my head.

Now, in reality I had intended to blog about Jane (aka The Bitch in the Box), because yes, I really do think Jane is kinda hot. Even if she is simply a box of electronic components with a sexy voice that sits on the dashboard and barks orders. (turn here, turn there, take the motorway, etc…)

But, Morrison beat me to it. Go figure. (But, what with Morrison getting on in years and not really being quick on the draw, I guess I should just let her have that one and call it good ) If you want to read about it, go here: Bitch In The Box.

So…Anyway, back to the Booze thing. What I am about to tell you is a little known secret about Morrison. She’s a bootlegger. Well, actually, I don’t suppose she’s a bootlegger in the strictest sense, but that’s what I like to call her. Why? Because it’s fun to pick on Morrison.

Anyhow, here’s the deal. New Hampshire has no sales tax. They also sell their booze in State owned and operated, discount liquor stores. So, wine and spirits are much cheaper there than in most other places throughout the US. Anywhere from a few bucks to even 20 bucks per bottle, depending on what you are buying.

So…Whenever we are on tour through New England, and have a need to pass through New Hampshire, or near New Hampshire, or within some secretly prescribed spitting distance radius (to which I am not privy) around New Hampshire, we go liquor shopping.

Not for just a couple of bottles, mind you.

Morrison fills a suitcase.

A big suitcase.

Really.

There have even been threats of leaving me and my luggage on the side of the road in order to fit the bounty into the vehicle.

I’m serious.

Now, lest you think wrongly and assume I am telling you Morrison is a drunk, let me dispel that. Morrison rarely drinks. I’ve known her for years and have seen her take maybe three drinks that entire time. She’s just not a drinker. No kidding.

Smoker? Well, that’s another story entirely, but she already lives in a place where cigarettes are cheap…And, of course, there is always the coffee.

(Yes, folks, that is REALLY just coffee in that cup…I know it for a fact. I’ve made enough of it for her when she’s stayed with us…Hell, I even have a 2 burner, 3 minute Bunn™ that I keep going at all times when she is here. Note, that when she is staying with us is the only time that piece of equipment actually sees action. We affectionately call it “The Morrison”. as in, “Hey, did you get The Morrison out of the basement? Morrison is gonna be here any minute,” and “Hold on while I fire up The Morrison. If she wakes up and there’s no coffee we’re all gonna get killed.”)

So, nope, Morrison is definitely not a drunk. But, she still fills a suitcase with assorted bottles of booze. You see, whenever we are going to be within the secret spitting distance of New Hampshire, Morrison’s husband and friends make out a list, check it twice, and then send her on a mission to return with good booze at discount prices. So ritualistic is this practice that I have now been on three separate “booze runs” with Morrison. It’s a good thing the folks in New Hampshire put several of these liquor stores right out on the highway near the state line. You almost have to wonder if they are doing that just to lure folks in.

Anyway, this tour we did a booze run. As usual, while Morrison was in the parking lot tossing things everywhere in order to fill the suitcase, I stood by with my diminutive personal stash– a bottle for me, and a nice bottle of Scotch as a gift for my wife.

Now, here’s the sad part of the story. And, it actually has nothing to do with Morrison, as amazing as that may seem.

I flew home on Saturday (6/2)…I had left behind my open bottle at Morrison’s place because I drink enough of their booze when I am on the road with her that I am sure I owed them at least that. Probably more. Unfortunately, I was so wiped out from the 15 days on the road, (yes, from the time on the road, not from the drinking) that by the time Saturday rolled around, my brain was firing on only one cylinder and it had a bent valve at that.

Yes…Without thinking, I put my wife’s gift– a rather expensive (even by New Hampshire discount standards) bottle of 16 year old, French Oak Cask Aged, Reserve, Glenlivet Single Malt Scotch– into my carry-on. I know better than this. I have logged more hours in the air than some flight attendants, so I know what I can and cannot take in a carry-on.

But, I did it anyway…Like I said, without thinking. Most likely because my brain simply wasn’t up to thinking.

So…At Dulles International airport, there is now a TSA official with a very nice bottle of Scotch. They told me they were going to throw it away, but I argued with them about that, insisting that at least ONE of them HAD to be a Scotch drinker, and that if they were going to confiscate it anyway, they needed to do me the kindness of keeping it as a gift, with my compliments, and raising a glass to me as they enjoyed it.

I’ll admit, it was my mistake stuffing it into the wrong suitcase…This certainly qualifies me for the idiot of the year award…

…But, if those TSA folks threw that bottle of Scotch in the trash, then I think I am in no danger of winning, because that would make them bigger idiots that me.

More to come…

Murv

Fans are wonderful. Really.

As I have said in the past, “anti-fans” , not so much. But, on this tour I have met some absolutely wonderful folks and even had the opportunity to visit with fans of the RGI series who are interesting, lovely, intelligent, funny, and an all around blast to hang with.

I have to say, however, that I was in for quite a surprise at our last stop on the tour, which was last night (5/31) at 13 Magickal Moons in Occoquan, VA. 13 Magickal Moons is a wonderful little store, nestled in an arts & antiques district near the waterfront. Owned and run by Samantha and Jen, a couple of lovely young ladies who go out of their way to make a visit to their store a memorable one. Workshops are always well attended and authors are treated like part of the family.

I first did 13 Moons last year and was accepted warmly by the patrons, even though they really had no idea who I was and many had not even heard of the Rowan Gant series. Many of them purchased books and quickly became fans and friends.

Now, since I know that many of them keep up with my travels I was actually prepared for the questions about the “Kicked Out Of Wendy’s” blog, and even when “Coldie” (another lovely lady) arrived with pink nail polish in hand. These are folks who joke around with you and make even a 12 hour workday seem like it goes by in half the time.

I just love these folks.

But, I have to say that I wasn’t expecting the twist we had yesterday. You see, Miranda showed up.

Okay, so she wasn’t actually Miranda. In reality she was a beautiful young lady named Suzanne (I do hope I spelled that correctly. My apologies to her if I didn’t)…at any rate, Suzanne is a fan of the RGI series, and an absolutely lovely gal. Last year we had an opportunity to visit at the store and she was great fun to talk with. This year was the same, however, Suzanne “got into character”. She arrived at 13 Magickal Moons decked out in her own version of Miranda’s dominatrix attire. This was a first for me. No fan has ever “dressed up” as one of my characters before, but let me tell you this young lady looked great.

After the signing and workshops we posed for a few playful pics, her playing up her Miranda attire and attitude while I played the part of her victim. (I should have known one of my characters would come back to bite me at some point!) At any rate, the folks who took the shots are supposed to send them to me and I will post them as soon as they arrive. (Note, we aren’t talking about any pornographic here, just some fun, joking around.)

Rumor has it that one of the fans who snapped a few pics last night will be putting them up on his myspace page, so they may be out there before I get my copies. So, if you happen across a picture of me laying on the floor with a gorgeous redhead in a black bustier, miniskirt and high heeled boots standing over me, it was not taken at the local BDSM club,

It was just a fan expressing herself.

BTW, Suzanne. Congrats! You win the “creative fan award” this go around! (GRIN) And thanks to you and everyone else at 13 Magickal Moons as well. Y’all truly capped off the tour with a bang!

More to come…

Murv

PS. Suzanne has promised an entirely new Miranda outfit for my next visit later this year. I must confess, I’m looking forward to it.