BRAINPAN LEAKAGE

So… A week or so back I posted a quick blog entitled Q&A: In That Order, or something of that sort… Who knows for sure. I don’t even pay attention to me anymore.

At any rate, I said I would answer questions in a blog entry for the 15th, so here it is. I also said I’d wait until the 12th for all the questions. Then I realized I was leaving town at Oh-Dark-Thirty on the 12th and wouldn’t have a chance to see those questions. Well, doesn’t seem like I had to worry. As I said, I don’t pay attention to me anymore, and it seems not many folks out in the blog-o-sphere do either. What I mean is, I got a few questions right off the bat, and only a couple of those were actually serious. But, after that, not so many views of the post. That seems to be the case across the board.

I guess that means folks are becoming bored across the board. With me at least.

Again, who knows…

Anywho, as promised, here are the questions and answers. If you have more, feel free to leave them, and maybe I will answer. Or, maybe I’ll ignore them.

Again, who knows…

• kat says:

  May 30, 2011 at 7:33 pm

  i have been curious for awhile. i am a fan of long hair, my spouse has long hair my stepson and myself also. so…did you set a milestone for yourself? when you cut your hair i mean! ty if you answer!

Heya, Kat… There wasn’t an actual milestone. I’ve had, or did have, long hair since high school. I had some short periods in there, but for twenty-odd years my hair was long, and for most of that, long enough that it was in a fairly substantial ponytail. Then, one day after being “off the road” for a couple of months I had to pack my suitcase so that I could hop onto a big, winged rocket-propelled cattle car, and head off to a foreign land (read: not home) to do a gig. As I stood there looking at all of the stuff I was cramming into my suitcase it dawned on me that I was packing around an awful lot of “hair product,” so to speak. Too much.

Basically it came down to the fact that hair care was taking over my suitcase. I decided it would be way easier to manage, and to pack for, if I had shorter hair. So, I did the only thing I could do. I asked The Redhead. Why? Because I once shaved off my beard without her permission and I still have scars from that incident.

Anywho, Her Supreme Evilness said, “Yeah. I think you are due for a change.”

I said, “My fans will probably be upset.”

To which she replied, “Who do you live with, your fans or ME.”

And so, I got a haircut. Just as an aside, the 16 or so inches of hair went to Locks of Love…

• Gina says:

  May 30, 2011 at 7:38 pm

  So if the book you just finished writing is “In the Bleak Midwinter,” featuring Constance Mandalay…. whatcha got cooking that is due in December? Thrilled we’re gonna get two M.R. Sellars books in such a short period of time!

Writing for a smaller press has advantages and disadvantages. Mostly advantages, but among the disadvantages is that my deadlines are tighter since they move through the editorial process quicker. What that means is that instead of turning in a manuscript and seeing it on the shelves 8-12 months later, it is usually more like 3-6. Sometimes faster if I’ve had to ask for an extension on my deadline.

So… With ITBM in the can, what is next on my plate is finishing up #11 in the RGI series, which I had already been writing when I took the break to do ITBM. Once I finish that, I will be hopping on board the Constance train again, as the publisher has already asked for two more in the Constance Mandalay series.

• Tasialue says:

  May 30, 2011 at 7:38 pm

  So, was Uncle Fred secretly working FOR the government, field testing plague serums on unsuspecting homeless folks? ‘Cause I think he was…

For those who may have never attended my “Magickal Ethics” workshop, “Uncle Fred” plays a big role in a “Kobyashi Maru” no-win scenario I present to the class. The point behind the scenario is not to see if you can pull a Kirk and cheat your way out of it. The point is to present you with a situation that makes you think. The idea being that if you leave the workshop looking for aspirin, then I have done my job to make you think about ethics and how they apply to our everyday lives. Note I said, “make YOU think.” I’ve already done plenty of that on the subject, hence the workshop. The idea is for YOU to have the headache, not ME. However, as you can see, Ms. Tasialue didn’t get a headache. She is just being a headache.

That said… No. He wasn’t. It’s all just a Fig Newton of your imagination.

• Schueyman says:

  May 31, 2011 at 10:17 pm

  What do you call that place on the inside of your arm where your elbow bends? And what about the corresponding area behind your knee?

Antecubital fossa and popliteal fossa, respectively. Neither of these are any relation to Dian Fossa or Bob Fossa. Nor are they related to Dian Fossey or Bob Fossey, just so we’re clear.

(Thanks to my friend Doctor Gina Witt for the anatomical info…)

• Schueyman says:

  May 31, 2011 at 10:18 pm

  Why is there air?

Per Doc Witt – So you won’t collapse due to not having something expanding your skin.

However, as I’ve known you, Mister Schueyman, for thirty-odd years, I highly suspect the answer you are looking for is:

“To blow up volleyballs. Any PhysEd major knows that…”

• dee says:June 1, 2011 at 10:49 pmWhat, is your name?
  What, is your quest?
  What, is the average airspeed of a cocoanut-laden swallow?

Lord Stainless Steel Thundermonkey.

To do everything in my power to please The Evil Redhead.

African or European?

There you go…

More to come…

Murv

…I’m an asshole.

Now, to be perfectly honest, I really don’t think that I’m an asshole. I mean, like most folks, I have one, but I don’t think that I am one. Of course, as a general rule the majority of assholes don’t actually think that they are assholes. Given that I have been told in no uncertain terms that I am a waste sphincter of the highest order I may just be deluding myself in the belief that I am not.

To that end, I thought I’d take a minute to explain exactly why it is that I’m an asshole, just in case I actually am.

Not a week goes by that I don’t receive an email from some fresh-faced, idealistic, energetic individual with dreams of becoming an author. Problem is, said fresh-faced, idealistic, energetic individual is contacting me and asking me not only for advice, but for me to read their unplaced manuscript.

Advice I will give. Usually it involves telling the person to run the other direction and become a particle physicist, attorney, or something else that garners a decent paycheck. This whole authoring gig isn’t what it’s cracked up to be in the movies and TV, so unless you simply can’t help yourself but the write, don’t.

That’s not usually what they want to hear, but it goes over okay. Sort of.

Where I suddenly become an asshole is when I tell them I cannot read their unpublished manuscript for them.

9.99 times out of 10, the fresh-faced, idealistic, energetic individual turns into a tantrum throwing three-year-old, letting me know that I am a big doody head, and yes, an asshole for not reading their work. Why? Because I should help them. All they want is my honest – and they do mean honest – critique of their work so that they can become a better writer and reap all of the wonders of success that I have been privileged to enjoy as an author.

Well, the first thing I do is laugh at that last part. Then, I say no again. Here’s why…

No they don’t. The critique that is. They really and truly do NOT want real input from anyone. If they did they would be members of a writing critique group and they would already be getting that input. You see, what they REALLY want is for me to say: Holy Crap! I am a mere poser in relation to you. You put Hemingway to shame. You put all other writers before you to shame. There will never be another writer as great as you!

Now, before you say, “But Murv, aren’t you exaggerating?”… And I can see why you would say that, because I often do (supposedly), let me just say, “No. I am not exaggerating.”

You see, I used to say yes. Any other authors out there reading this are now shaking their heads and saying, “You big dumbass.” Well, I’ll accept that moniker with no objections. Why? Because I WAS a dumbass to be doing such a thing.

Never – and I mean never – did I read something for someone who really and truly wanted an honest critique. In fact, the majority of the time I would receive an email, with a file attached, and a note saying something ridiculous like: “Mister Sellars – (two paragraphs of blowing smoke up my ass)… So, please read this and give me your honest opinion. But, I’m sure you will just want to forward it on to your editor and recommend me for publication because it really is destined to be the next New York Times Bestseller.”

I’m not kidding.

But, I would read anyway, and then send my thoughts. Things like:

“You have a good idea here and I like your imagery, but I’d suggest doing a bit of research on police procedure so that you can tighten things up make the situation more believable.”

Or…

“Nice descriptions, but the prose is a little too expository. Maybe try using dialogue between the characters to get the information across instead of having them stand there staring at each other and thinking everything without ever saying a word.”

Those pieces of advice were categorically, undeniably NOT what they wanted to hear. And, they would tell me as much, often liberally peppered with expletives and all sorts of assessments of my intelligence and writing ability that were diametrically opposed to the smoke blowing they had done in their original note when contacting me.

So here’s what I decided.  Why not stop wasting my time and just spend time with my family, or even read something that I actually WANT to read. I mean, if I am going to be an asshole either way, I should at least get to be an asshole doing what I want to do, right?

And there you have it. That’s why I’m an asshole.

Cue Dennis Leary. I’ll be happy to sing along.

More to come…

Murv