BRAINPAN LEAKAGE

Merry Christmas, Happy Yule, Happy Hanukkah, yadda yadda…

Or, if you prefer, Bah Humbug.

There. Hopefully the bases are pretty much covered.

Anywho, if you didn’t find what you were looking for under the tree, I have a feeling I know why. You see, E K has the guy in the red suit a bit tied up. Don’t believe me?

Evil Kat Holds Santa Hostage

See? Told ya…

(And yes, that really is Evil Kat. I know I said she doesn’t show up on film, but it’s Christmas and all. That really is Santa too. Trust me. His friggin’ reindeer are pooping up my lawn even as I type… But, E K is having fun and that’s what counts…)

So, anyway, if you happened to be one of the lucky folks who got a visit from Lackey Claus prior to E K getting her hands… or foot, I guess… on him, and he just happened to have left an e-reader under your tree, well then have I got a deal for you!

Not only is Merrie Axemas: A Killer Holiday Tale, my holiday-themed novella available for download both free and cheap, depending on where you dowload, there are some other specials going on today as well.

Merrie Axemas: A Killer Holiday Tale – FREE Via Smashwords

https://www.smashwords.com/books/view/33538 – COUPON CODE – MY75G

Merrie Axemas: A Killer Holiday Tale – 99¢ Via Amazon.com

http://www.amazon.com/dp/B004GHNE4W/

ALSO HARM NONE: A ROWAN GANT INVESTIGATION – FREE E-BOOK

(Book #1 in the series – coupon code good today only!)

Harm None: A Rowan Gant Investigation – COUPON CODE – UK83R

AND FROM NOW THROUGH THE END OF THE YEAR

ALL ROWAN GANT E-BOOKS JUST  $2.95  AT SMASHWORDS.COM

(Coupon codes good through midnight December 31, 2010)

Harm None: A Rowan Gant Investigation – COUPON CODE – HF92Z

Never Burn A Witch: A Rowan Gant Investigation – COUPON CODE – SS92U

Perfect Trust: A Rowan Gant Investigation – COUPON CODE – RY45J

The Law Of Three: A Rowan Gant Investigation – COUPON CODE – AC36W

Crone’s Moon: A Rowan Gant Investigation – COUPON CODE – NF94W

Love Is The Bond: A Rowan Gant Investigation – COUPON CODE – DK34A

All Acts Of Pleasure: A Rowan Gant Investigation – COUPON CODE – PR99Q

The End Of Desire: A Rowan Gant Investigation – COUPON CODE – YL53T

Blood Moon: A Rowan Gant Investigation – COUPON CODE – JX39Q

Miranda: A Rowan Gant Investigation – COUPON CODE – YJ65F

So, better take advantage of the deals while you can, and tell everyone you know who has an e-reader. I have NO IDEA when E K is going to let the fat guy loose…

More to come…

Murv

There are certain rules around our house…

I will meet E K at the door with her drink…

I will have dinner on the table no later than 30 minutes after E K arrives home…

I will spit shine all of EKay’s shoes on a daily basis…

I will do whatever E K tells me to do…

Sense a pattern there? Yeah, me too.  But the consequences for non-compliance with said rules are pretty harsh, so I just live with them. There are some other rules, of course. Most of them involve something I have to do in order to please The Evil One and keep her from taking me downstairs into her “play room” – which reminds me, I’m supposed to hose it down today after I drop her Stryker Saw off at the shop. I just hope she didn’t leave anyone down there. The trash truck doesn’t run for another couple of days yet…

There is, however, a rule that doesn’t directly involve E K… Well, sorta… I mean, the results of the rule compliance directly involve E K – as well as allow me to comply with the other rules of the house… But the actual rule is more along the line of – The Kitchen is MY domain, leave my stuff alone.

Surprisingly, E K generally works within the boundaries of that rule. Largely, I think, because she hates to cook, but likes to eat.

Because of this, it was a great surprise to me when I walked around the corner the other night and found her torturing a houseplant. I know, I know… Whiplash moment there, but trust me, there’s a connection. She was torturing the houseplant with one of my kitchen knives.

You see, we have this yucca plant… We’ve had this plant for something on the order of forever. Seriously. I’m pretty sure we had it when we moved into together. It has been through some serious trials and tribulations – namely countless plant chewing felines. During the summer it lives on our front porch, soaking up the sunshine and Saint Louis humidity, mostly safe from cats with plant fetishes. During that period of months the yucca goes crazy, sort of like it is making up for the rest of the year when it’s in fear for its life. By the time Autumn rolls around, and the first frost is upon us, the yucca looks a little… well… yucky.

And so, the temperature was forecast to plummet the other night, and plummet it did. Before it fell too far though, E K, in all her regalness, invoked her prime directive – that being the rule saying I have to do whatever she says.

“Lackey!” she demanded. “Go bring in the plants.”

Little did I know that in rescuing the yucky yucca from the cold, I was merely delivering it into the hands of a deranged redhead with a topiary affliction. Unfortunately for both of us – the plant and me – she didn’t have her pruning shears handy, so she headed straight for the knife block on the kitchen counter.

Of course, I suppose I should look upon the incident as an opportunity, because I learned something that evening.  Never mention the rules to an evil redhead who is holding a large, serrated bread knife in one hand and the hacked up limb of a defenseless yucca plant in the other.

We have a Ficus too, but it’s a little tougher than the Yucca. I think while she’s at work I’ll go hide my electric knives, otherwise they might end up dulled and it’ll be a little tough carving the turkey at Thanksgiving this year.

More to come…

Murv