BRAINPAN LEAKAGE

Having lived with an Evil (and I do mean EVIL) redhead for well over 25 years, I have become used to some of the nuances involved in such an endeavor. In fact, I dare say I have even become jaded… I just sort of know what to expect, how it goes, and what to do… Right up until she decides to throw me a curveball, that is. She usually does that just so I’ll screw up and she’ll have a valid excuse to do horrible and terrible things to me…

Who am I kidding? She doesn’t need an excuse…

At any rate, the thing here is that I am used to life under the heel of the redhead, therefore I keep forgetting that others don’t quite know what to expect, or how to fully interpret the subtleties of E K.

This includes the o-spring. Case in point…

During our recent vacation, as we cruised along a mountain pass, E K was driving – because she HAS to be IN CONTROL OF EVERYTHING at all times. Well… and there’s also the fact that I actually cannot stand driving. I hate it. With a passion. But that’s a different blog…

Anywho – there we were, cruising along, and E K would point out stuff she was seeing ahead while the rest of us scanned out the side windows, looking for wildlife, fantastical views, etc. Along came a point when Her Supreme Evilness asked the O-spring a question. I don’t even remember what it was, to be honest. At any rate, the spring didn’t answer.

A few moments passed and E K spoke up again, saying, “Ooooooo-sppprrrriiiinnnnggg?” as she tried to grab our daughter’s attention.

Immediately, if not sooner, the child jumped out of her skin, ran around the still moving vehicle eight times, jumped back into her skin and with much trepidation said, “What? What did I do wrong?”

“What makes you think you did something wrong?” E K asked, somewhat perplexed.

The O-spring replied, “Because you said my name the slow way like you do to Daddy whenever he’s in trouble.”

Yep. I think she’s finally got it figured out. Took her long enough. I mean, it’s not like she doesn’t hear E K say my name “the slow way” on a daily basis.

In fact, I’ve been thinking of legally changing my name to “Mmmuuuuuurrrrvvvvvvv…”

More to come…

Murv

Apologies to Thomas Dolby for borrowing the phrase, “Aliens Ate My Buick…” and then mucking about with it. (Fantastic CD, BTW…)

I know The Supreme Redhead is a conundrum. I accept this. After 25 plus years together, I’ve pretty much grown used to it. However, I’m pretty sure that this time she’s been abducted by aliens and replaced by an equally hot, equally evil, but not quite the same fembot.

You see, for 25 plus years, Her Supreme Evilness, THE E K, has been a fan of Ham and Swiss. That was her thing. Now, of course, when she decided she wanted to be a little more food healthy she switched to Turkey and Swiss. No big deal. She was still doing the whole Blank and Swiss thing, be it Turkey, or the occasional Ham. Since I prepare her lunch each day – usually a smoked turkey (or occasionally ham) and Swiss with Portobello mushroom and various other veggies in a whole wheat wrap – I tend to ask her if she’d like something different. Every now and then it’s Tuna Salad, Egg Salad, or my signature Curried Chicken/Turkey Salad. Sometimes it’s just straight veggies, or even some leftover Vegetable Korma in a wrap.

HOWEVER, when it comes to the lunch meat and cheese combo, it’s always Turkey or Ham and Swiss.  Do not deviate under threat of pain, or even a stiletto heel through the temple.

Okay… I get that. I like consistency too.

So imagine my surprise, shock, and outright horror when, while grocery shopping this past weekend, without prompting from me, or anyone else, she picked out Pastrami and Muenster for her daily lunch wraps.  Especially since I had suggested Pastrami several times in the past, only to be told, “I… Don’t… Like… Pastrami… Lackey! Now, just for that get down on the floor and give me twenty!”

Twenty “whats” I’m never quite sure, which then results in a healthy beating, but that’s just life with THE Redhead.

Yeah… She’s having Pastrami and Muenster today… Well, I guess I should say Evil Alien Fembot E K is having Pastrami and Muenster today. I don’t know what actual, real live Evil E K is having.

I do, however, suspect that the aliens are regretting their decision and will be returning her shortly. Wonder what they’ll give me to take her back?

Aww, who am I kidding? She’s probably already declared herself their Queen and has them all chained up in the dungeon.

More to come…

Murv