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  • The Day The Sky Stood Still…

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    I had originally planned to eschew the entire idea of writing anything about “9/11,” purely because the media has already overplayed it for more than one full week now. However, I simply couldn’t bring myself to be funny today.

    Of course, there are those who think I’m never all that funny – such as the hostess at the restaurant where I ate lunch yesterday. But that’s okay. I usually don’t find those folks all that funny either.

    Still… I went to bed last night, secure in the thought that I would arise this morning and type out one of the several humorous incidents that have occurred in my life recently. Some of which wouldn’t even need embellishing. But, as I said, I just couldn’t bring myself to be funny.

    And so… Where was I?

    At the moment of the first impact, I was most likely listening to Molly Ivins. I adored Molly. Still do, actually. While I didn’t always agree with her, the vast majority of the time we were on the same wavelength; and even when we weren’t I couldn’t help but respect her unabashed, no-nonsense, call-it-like-she-sees-it commentary. If I’d had a different pair of chromosomes, I would have wanted to grow up to be just like her (without the breast cancer, of course).

    But back to the story…

    On THE 9/11 I had two books out, number three in the can, and feverishly working on number four. Nothing resembling a living wage was rolling in off these novels by an unknown writer from Saint Louis, so I was still working my “day job” at the time – which was as an electronics tech. My specialty, much like that of EKay’s, was printers. Although, I also handled networks and the like.

    And I digress, as usual.

    I was on my way to work, cruising along with traffic down the long stretch of blacktop known as Laclede Station Road. Our offices were on Watson, situated across from a now defunct movie theater. As usual, I had NPR (KWMU) tuned in on my truck radio, and it just so happened that they were airing an editorial by Molly Ivins.

    Starting my day with Molly… I just knew it was going to be a good one.

    A few minutes later I pulled into the parking lot, switched off the engine, and climbed out of the truck. Apparently, just a split second before NPR began reporting on the first strike. I dug out my tool kit, and with coffee mug in hand, I wandered into our offices, still chuckling at Molly’s wit and blissfully unaware that anything so heinous was happening a half-continent away.

    I could hear a radio playing somewhere near the back of the building. Our dispatcher, Sharon, met me as I came around the corner to head to my bench. She was wearing a startled expression that was a mix of confusion and disbelief. Without ceremony or salutation, she said, “Did you hear that an airplane ran into the World Trade Center?”

    “When?” I asked.

    “Just now. Like just a couple of minutes ago.”

    “Wow?” I said. “Was it like a small plane, like a small Cessna or something?”

    Obviously my mind just couldn’t fathom it being anything more than a light aircraft. After all, an airplane had hit the Empire State Building once upon a time. Granted, that was a B-25 and not a Cessna, but still…

    “I don’t know,” she replied.

    By now, the owner of the company was in his office and tuning in the small, thirteen-inch TV he had sitting in the corner. We were a little surprised that it actually picked up a signal, honestly, as it was hooked to a VCR and all he ever used it for was to lock himself in the office and watch porn, even though he thought we didn’t know that’s what he was doing. (Just being truthful)…

    As the image faded in on the old tube, the entire staff stood around staring at the billowing smoke rolling from the tower. There were a few gasps, an “Oh My God” or two, and I remember saying aloud, “That wasn’t caused by a Cessna…”

    A moment later, as we watched the live newsfeed, a glint of sunlight from metal flashed in the corner of the screen and before our eyes the second airliner struck.

    There were yelps of disbelief, gasps that rendered a vacuum in the small office, and then silence from all of us. The only sound to be heard was that of the news streaming in from the TV.

    An hour later I was across the river in Illinois, making a service call on a printer for another small company. I had been listening to the news as I drove, hearing now about the Pentagon, and Flight 93. All air traffic was being grounded until further notice. The towers had fallen. Our world had changed forever.

    When I arrived at my destination, I climbed out of my truck and looked upward. Above me, a lone jetliner was lining up on approach to Lambert International to my west. It was the only plane in my piece of the sky as far as the eye could see. I watched as it disappeared on the horizon, then I turned in place, scanning the blue…

    An eerie silence had fallen, and for the first time I could recall in my lifetime, the sky was standing still.

    More to come…

    Murv

  • The Status Quote – 1st Q #1…

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    Not a day goes by that I don’t say something that belongs on a QUOTE A DAY desk calendar.

    Seriously.

    Yeah… Okay… So maybe not. However, I do say stuff, and some of it seems sort of quotable. At least, I think it is. My Facebook and Twitter “peeps” have been subjected to my daily musings for some time now. Why? Because the Daily Picture cycle was over and I needed a new “schtick.” Relevant – and often wholly irrelevant – quotes seemed like a good idea. I figure if I keep spewing them long enough I’ll eventually say something that really does belong on a calendar, and once I do, look out. I’ll be the next great philosopher of our age.

    Trust me.

    I will.

    Really.

    So anyway, having reached the end of the first quarter, and quotes being a little harder to condense into a 5 minute Youtube presentation than the 365 low-res webcam snapshots of my fugly mug from the daily pic project, I figured maybe I should put them out here in smaller chunks. Especially since folks keep asking me to aggregate them somewhere.

    As with anything else, feel free to borrow them, just give credit where it’s due. My bills aren’t in any danger of not needing to be paid, ya’know…

    The Whizzdom Of Merp

    November 2010

    Merpizm 11/01/10: “I am neither legally nor morally obligated to cure you of your stupidity.” ~ MRS

    Merpizm 11/02/10: “Even Occam’s Razor will eventually get dull.” ~ MRS

    Merpizm 11/03/10: “Unbridled activism, of any type, eventually becomes annoying to everyone – even its supporters.” ~ MRS

    Merpizm 11/04/10: “The actual profundity of any statement is directly proportional to its timing divided by its delivery.” ~ MRS

    Merpizm 11/05/10: “Stupidity is much like a cough. You should cover your mouth whenever you feel it coming on.” ~ MRS

    Merpizm 11/06/10: “Opinions, like advice, should be graciously entertained. You can always kick them out when the party is over.” ~ MRS

    Merpizm 11/07/10: “Much like wax fruit, hotel room coffee is only there for show. You aren’t actually supposed to drink it.” ~ MRS

    Merpizm 11/08/10: “In my personal experience, melodrama is rarely all that mellow.” ~ MRS

    Merpizm 11/09/10: “Unbridled passion is good. Bridled is too, as long as my wife isn’t too overzealous with the buggy whip.” ~ MRS

    Merpizm 11/10/10: “Never attempt to write a daily quote before you’ve had your morning coffee.” ~ MRS

    Merpizm 11/11/10: “Having an opinion in no way makes someone an expert on a subject. In fact, it probably just means they have gas.” ~ MRS

    Merpizm 11/12/10: “Just because you can read a book that does not mean you know how to write one.” ~ MRS

    Merpizm 11/13/10: “If you were happy ALL OF THE TIME, how would you know it?” ~ MRS

    Merpizm 11/14/10: “Nobody is immune to stupid, and unfortunately there isn’t a vaccine for it just yet.” ~ MRS

    Merpizm 11/15/10: “If you aren’t supposed to use adverbs, why the hell does “Lolly” sell the damn things?” ~ MRS

    Merpizm 11/16/10: “Improper nouns throw wilder parties.” ~ MRS

    Merpizm 11/17/10: “I’m actually old enough to remember when ‘crack’ was only available from plumbers.” ~ MRS

    Merpizm 11/18/10: “Think before you speak, because thinking is sort of like a condom that will keep you from spreading stupid.” ~ MRS

    (And if you forget to think all is not entirely lost. Just remember that biting your tongue is sorta like a diaphragm.)

    Merpizm 11/19/10: “Forced humor is kind of like an inflamed hemorrhoid. Painful and not really funny at all.” ~ MRS

    Merpizm 11/20/10: “Periods are multipurpose. Not only can they end sentences, they can also abruptly end an otherwise pleasant evening.” ~ MRS

    Merpizm 11/21/10: “If you say something stupid, I’m going to make fun of you. I expect no less when the roles are reversed.” ~ MRS

    Merpizm 11/22/10: “As with brain surgery, sarcasm should be left to the professionals who know how to do it properly.” ~ MRS

    Merpizm 11/23/10: “For the most part, Facebook is really just public exhibitionism performed from the comfort of your favorite chair.” ~ MRS

    Merpizm 11/24/10: “Time is a unique commodity, in that you often seem to have both too much and too little at the same time.” ~ MRS

    Merpizm 11/25/10: “I’m not actually a wise person. I just play one on the Internet.” ~ M. R. Sellars

    Merpizm 11/26/10: “A light at the end of the tunnel isn’t always a good thing, especially if it’s coming closer and you’re standing still.” ~ MRS

    Merpizm 11/27/10: “If stupid grew on trees, we’d be living in an orchard at the peak of the season.” ~ M. R. Sellars

    Merpizm 11/28/10: “Everyone is entitled to their own big, steaming bowl of stupid. The trick is to not spill it on anyone else.” ~ MRS

    Merpizm 11/29/10: “A bonus of Online Social Networking is that your *friends* don’t care whether or not you’ve had a shower.” ~ MRS

    Merpizm 11/30/10: “Overinflated egos are a lot like dying stars. They just keep getting bigger until they eventually implode.” ~ MRS

    More to come…

    Murv