BRAINPAN LEAKAGE

I happen to be a big fan of Father Guido Sarducci.  One of my favorite stories of his involves Carr-dih-naal-uh Foon-gee… The story is funny, but the name is downright hilarious.

Well, that’s not what this is about. I know, never is…

You see, when you have a really demanding redhead in your life – yes, E K – and you have to cook for her, you tend to start getting creative. ESPECIALLY when she decides that she, her personal doormat (that being moi), and everyone else entering the hallowed halls of La Casa de la Pelirrojas will be going 80% vegetarian.

I say 80% because in order to keep up the strength in her whip arm, she does like to have some fish or fowl now and then. And, on special occasions she likes a piece of dead cow. But as I said, those would be the special occasions…

And so, this is where I get Czar Foon-Gee. You see, Her Supreme Evilness is a fan of Beef Stroganoff. However, if you are trying to be mostly, sorta, 80% vegetarian, heaping a mess of dead, floured, fried, and braised Moo on your plate really isn’t the way to go.

So, as I was taking my daily beating from the evil redhead, for whatever infraction I had, or had not, perpetrated that day, I got to thinking – how can I whomp up some non-beef beef stroganoff?

Well, there are several ways to go about it, but since a good hunk of the recipe already revolves around fungus – that being mushrooms, of course – I thought, why not build upon that.

And so, I did…

CZAR FOON-GEE

(Mushroom Stroganhoff To Feed The Evil Redhead – Serves 6-8)

Not the best pic... This was a trial run and was missing the oyster mushrooms, plus I only had regular egg noodles on hand that day...

Ingredients

• 2 Large Portobello Mushrooms
• 8 ounces Crimini Mushrooms
• 8 ounces Oyster Mushrooms
• 1 Large Zucchini Squash
• 1 Small Vidalia Onion
• 4 ounces butter
• 4 tablespoons all-purpose flour
• 1 Cup Vegetable Stock (Preferably Homemade)
• 1 Tbsp Tomato Paste
• 1/2 cup sour cream
• 1/3 cup white wine
• salt to taste
• ground black pepper to taste
• Olive oil

Ah, Thanksgiving weekend…

Four full days of not having the house to myself, which is something to which I have become comfortably accustomed. But I can’t complain too much. After all, I am sharing it with the O-spring and the Evil One, so it’s all good.

Speaking of The Evil One, Thanksgiving weekend is also the time when a hot redhead’s fancy turns to grinding her heel into her poor abused spouse even more than usual. Yes, it marks the beginning of “that season”…

That season? What season? Which season?

Easy… The season where the Evil Redhead chains me to the island in the kitchen and forces me to cook until my fingers bleed and I can barely hold up my head. And even then she comes by and slaps me around with a spatula and forces me to cook some more.

One of the reasons this particular weekend marks the beginning of “that season” is the fact that her supreme redheaded evilness loves turkey. And I mean she LOVES turkey. You know the Adam Sandler Thanksgiving song? Well, he’s got nothing on E K. She thinks turkey is “the bomb”. Hell, she even married one. But seriously… Okay, so that was seriously… But OTHER seriously – E K really and truly loves turkey. Almost as much as corned beef, but that’s a different holiday.

Therefore, when we do the family Thanksgiving with her clan, since I’m usually in charge of a side dish and a pie, I have to fix a small turkey at home so that she has some leftovers, otherwise she mopes around and takes out her frustrations on me even more than usual. And, on the off years, such as this one, when the family spreads across the country visiting other extended family, I have to fix an extra large bird for the three of us. Why? So she has leftovers. Weren’t you listening?

Now, the thing is, even the redhead can only eat just so many turkey sandwiches before she starts getting grumpy, no matter how much she likes it. Therefore, back to where we started this endeavor, she chains me in the kitchen and demands that I concoct ever increasingly delectable dishes using the remainder of the roasted fowl.

From our icebox door - srsly...

As always, Friday is “turn the stripped carcass into stock day.” After that, my kitchen becomes the staging area for intense culinary endeavors designed to satisfy – or at least temporarily quell – the savage redhead.

Therefore, over the next few blog entries I will be sharing recipes straight from my kitchen, some designed to make use of leftover turkey, others concocted merely to save myself from the wrath of the whip-wielding, leather and stiletto-clad redhead.

We will begin with Turkey Chili. Why? Because this year, as it happens, E K announced that she really wanted some turkey chili. And when the redhead says she REALLY WANTS something, well, you know what THAT means. It says so right there on the sign…

*     *     *     *     *

GREAT NORTHERN CANARY CHILI WITH TURKEY

Unlike the name might allude, no canaries were harmed in the preparation of this chili…

INGREDIENTS:

DIRECTIONS:

Prepare beans as directed by soaking at least overnight. I usually go for a 20 to 24 hour soak, rinsing first, and then changing the water twice during the soak. Rinse soaked beans and place in a large crock pot with turkey stock to cover (plus an 1/2 to 1 inch) – add chopped onion, chopped celery, chopped red bell pepper, and chopped green bell pepper. Stir. Set on high and allow to come up to a simmer. Add chopped banana peppers, diced turkey, vinegar, green chilis, chopped jalapeno, chopped chipotle, honey, hot sauce, and dry seasonings. Mix well and allow to simmer until beans are tender and flavors have fully incorporated.

Adjust seasonings to taste – i.e. I am fixing this for the redhead and the offspring, and they don’t like things to be too spicy. Therefore, you might want to increase the amount of cumin, chili powder, hot sauce, jalapeno, and chipotle. I generally doctor mine tableside to bring it up to “heat,” and will even add some finely chopped habanero (courtesy of my dear friend, Celeste Webster, Habanero Babe Supreme)…

Serve with cornbread or blue corn tortilla chips, and a good beer. Given that we are dealing with a white bean chili I prefer a crisp Pilsner or basic Wheat.

Other possible garnishes – Plain yogurt, sour cream, cheese, chopped onions, or sliced avocado.

More to come…

Murv