BRAINPAN LEAKAGE

If you are a regular follower of B L, you most likely read “You Get HBO On That?”  a few weeks ago. In case you didn’t, or just don’t remember it and are too lazy to click on the link to refresh your memory, it was pretty much a transcript of a conversation I had with my newly 18 year old niece who had just had her nose pierced to celebrate her birthday.

For the record, I don’t care if she puts holes in her nose, or wherever else for that matter. Same goes for anyone else. However, I’m an uncle, I’m a writer, and I have a bizarre sense of humor. Therefore, it’s a moral imperative that I give my niece trouble. So, all of you pierced and tattooed whackos with email accounts can STOP sending me messages telling me what a bastard I am. If you honestly believe I am discriminating against you – and her – then your brains really DID leak out of those extra holes you poked into yourself.

Put simply: Slap some Dap ™ Stupid Crack filler on your holes and leave me alone.

But pointing out to the outraged idiots that they are idiots is not why I’m writing this particular blog entry. Nope. Actually I’m doing it to illustrate a “moral of the story.”

“What moral is that?” you ask…

Well, it’s kind of one of those “Fried Green Tomatoes” sort of morals. Remember that now famous line delivered by Kathy Bates?

“Face it, girls, I’m older and I have more insurance.”

…It’s sort of like that. In fact, I’m pretty sure it’s a lot like the moral I offered in the original blog on this subject. However, Christmas was upon us, and… Well… Allow me to illustrate. Literally.

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Side 1

Side 2

That moral?

Don’t do something silly, stupid, or otherwise bizarre if you have ME for an uncle. I have money, a copy of Photoshop, a color laser printer, and one hell of an imagination.

BTW, I didn’t want the other kids to feel left out, so…

Niece #2 got a “Booger ™” Logoed box containing a cork, carpet needle, and antiseptic wipe, along with instructions on how to pierce her own nose.

Nephew received a “Booger ™” Logoed box containing a lump of charcoal and instructions on how to make a diamond nose ring.

Texts and picture messages were flying, let me tell you. Not sure if the rest of the teenagers in Saint Louis think I’m a “Cool Uncle” or a Jackass. Maybe one day they’ll figure out that I’m both…

More to come…

Murv

As I’ve noted in the past, The Evil Redhead is sort of an environmental dominatrix. By that I mean if you harm the environment, she will torture you. She’s just that kind of gal. We even call her Kippy The Eco-Terrorist – behind her back, of course. Otherwise she does really mean things to us. It’s not the eco-terrorist part that bothers her. Actually, she kind of likes that title. However, she absolutely hates being called “Kippy.”

Go figure…

At any rate, because of her whip wielding eco-activism, E K has informed me that I am to remind everyone of the following:

November 8-14 is National Recycling Week

And

November 15th is America Recycles Day

Recycling is important. Not only does it reduce waste and help the environment, it keeps The Evil One happy. Of course, torturing her victims keeps her happy too, but when she tortures litterbugs and BP execs, anger tends to overshadow her enjoyment of the process, rendering her moody and otherwise not so much fun to be around.

And, we all want E K to be happy, correct? I know I do, and I even have the scars to prove it…

To that end, at various events we have made available, for free, “E K Recycles Stickers” and “E K Consequences Motivational Posters”. These items have been an ENORMOUS hit with folks, and we’re relatively certain that it isn’t just because they are free. So, since we don’t make it to every corner of the world, or even country, we thought we’d put printable versions of the sticker and poster out there for those of you who want them, but haven’t been able to get them. These files are, of course, free of charge and you should feel free to distribute them as long as they remain unaltered.

Should you not have access to a printer with water resistant ink, these stickers are also available at the On The Edge Graphics Cafepress Store. Of course, those are NOT free, but the are sold strictly at cost/base price, with no markup. (http://www.cafepress.com/otegraphics/6955205) – You will also find many other E K Recycles items, from re-usable water bottles and shopping bags to t-shirts and hoodies. Feel free to check out the rest of the On The Edge Graphics store for RGI and other Brainpan Leakage Swag as well…

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(Links to the Hi-Res files can be found below each picture)

Want Some Printable EK Says “Recycle Or I’ll Hurt You” Labels?

Click Here For The PDF

And, just in case you think she isn’t serious about meting out punishment, she wanted you to see the proof below. Aluminum cans aren’t the only things she enjoys stomping. Yes… She really is a bit militant about the recycling thing.

Want A Printable ‘CONSEQUENCES” Motivational Poster?

Click Here For The 300dpi JPG (11×17)

More to come…

Murv