Not a day goes by that I don’t say something that belongs on a QUOTE A DAY desk calendar.
Seriously.
Yeah… Okay… So maybe not. However, I do say stuff, and some of it seems sort of quotable. At least, I think it is. My Facebook and Twitter “peeps” have been subjected to my daily musings for some time now. Why? Because the Daily Picture cycle was over and I needed a new “schtick.” Relevant – and often wholly irrelevant – quotes seemed like a good idea. I figure if I keep spewing them long enough I’ll eventually say something that really does belong on a calendar, and once I do, look out. I’ll be the next great philosopher of our age.
Trust me.
I will.
Really.
So anyway, having reached the end of the first quarter, and quotes being a little harder to condense into a 5 minute Youtube presentation than the 365 low-res webcam snapshots of my fugly mug from the daily pic project, I figured maybe I should put them out here in smaller chunks. Especially since folks keep asking me to aggregate them somewhere.
As with anything else, feel free to borrow them, just give credit where it’s due. My bills aren’t in any danger of not needing to be paid, ya’know…
The Whizzdom Of Merp
November 2010
Merpizm 11/01/10: “I am neither legally nor morally obligated to cure you of your stupidity.” ~ MRS
Merpizm 11/02/10: “Even Occam’s Razor will eventually get dull.” ~ MRS
Merpizm 11/03/10: “Unbridled activism, of any type, eventually becomes annoying to everyone – even its supporters.” ~ MRS
Merpizm 11/04/10: “The actual profundity of any statement is directly proportional to its timing divided by its delivery.” ~ MRS
Merpizm 11/05/10: “Stupidity is much like a cough. You should cover your mouth whenever you feel it coming on.” ~ MRS
Merpizm 11/06/10: “Opinions, like advice, should be graciously entertained. You can always kick them out when the party is over.” ~ MRS
Merpizm 11/07/10: “Much like wax fruit, hotel room coffee is only there for show. You aren’t actually supposed to drink it.” ~ MRS
Merpizm 11/08/10: “In my personal experience, melodrama is rarely all that mellow.” ~ MRS
Merpizm 11/09/10: “Unbridled passion is good. Bridled is too, as long as my wife isn’t too overzealous with the buggy whip.” ~ MRS
Merpizm 11/10/10: “Never attempt to write a daily quote before you’ve had your morning coffee.” ~ MRS
Merpizm 11/11/10: “Having an opinion in no way makes someone an expert on a subject. In fact, it probably just means they have gas.” ~ MRS
Merpizm 11/12/10: “Just because you can read a book that does not mean you know how to write one.” ~ MRS
Merpizm 11/13/10: “If you were happy ALL OF THE TIME, how would you know it?” ~ MRS
Merpizm 11/14/10: “Nobody is immune to stupid, and unfortunately there isn’t a vaccine for it just yet.” ~ MRS
Merpizm 11/15/10: “If you aren’t supposed to use adverbs, why the hell does “Lolly” sell the damn things?” ~ MRS
Merpizm 11/16/10: “Improper nouns throw wilder parties.” ~ MRS
Merpizm 11/17/10: “I’m actually old enough to remember when ‘crack’ was only available from plumbers.” ~ MRS
Merpizm 11/18/10: “Think before you speak, because thinking is sort of like a condom that will keep you from spreading stupid.” ~ MRS
(And if you forget to think all is not entirely lost. Just remember that biting your tongue is sorta like a diaphragm.)
Merpizm 11/19/10: “Forced humor is kind of like an inflamed hemorrhoid. Painful and not really funny at all.” ~ MRS
Merpizm 11/20/10: “Periods are multipurpose. Not only can they end sentences, they can also abruptly end an otherwise pleasant evening.” ~ MRS
Merpizm 11/21/10: “If you say something stupid, I’m going to make fun of you. I expect no less when the roles are reversed.” ~ MRS
Merpizm 11/22/10: “As with brain surgery, sarcasm should be left to the professionals who know how to do it properly.” ~ MRS
Merpizm 11/23/10: “For the most part, Facebook is really just public exhibitionism performed from the comfort of your favorite chair.” ~ MRS
Merpizm 11/24/10: “Time is a unique commodity, in that you often seem to have both too much and too little at the same time.” ~ MRS
Merpizm 11/25/10: “I’m not actually a wise person. I just play one on the Internet.” ~ M. R. Sellars
Merpizm 11/26/10: “A light at the end of the tunnel isn’t always a good thing, especially if it’s coming closer and you’re standing still.” ~ MRS
Merpizm 11/27/10: “If stupid grew on trees, we’d be living in an orchard at the peak of the season.” ~ M. R. Sellars
Merpizm 11/28/10: “Everyone is entitled to their own big, steaming bowl of stupid. The trick is to not spill it on anyone else.” ~ MRS
Merpizm 11/29/10: “A bonus of Online Social Networking is that your *friends* don’t care whether or not you’ve had a shower.” ~ MRS
Merpizm 11/30/10: “Overinflated egos are a lot like dying stars. They just keep getting bigger until they eventually implode.” ~ MRS
More to come…
Murv