BRAINPAN LEAKAGE

Hi.

My name is Murv, and I’m a “Twitterer”… Or a Tweep… Or Tweeple… Or Twipple… Or, maybe just a Twit. Who the hell really knows? I’ve seen so many monikers applied to folks who spend time on Twitter, that I’m pretty much lost. All I can really say is that you’ll notice that I didn’t say I was a Twitterholic. Because I’m not. Recovering or otherwise.

Yes, I do have an account on Twitter, and I do have a tendency to use it. Primarily I do this for purpose of alerting folks to new blog entries… In fact, there’s probably a Tweet floating around out in the ether about this very blog post. How weird is that? But, my point is, I really just use it to update folks about really important crap. Like the aforementioned blog post thing… Fiery balls of molten rock falling from the sky… Whether or not I am out of Braunschweiger… Whether or not to call 9-1-1 when E K is beating me… Like I said… Important crap.

But, yeah. I spend a little time there. And, since I do that, I also follow some folks too. I mean, hey, why play follow the leader if you’re always the leader. It gets a little boring. Sometimes it’s nice to follow someone else for a change.

However, this is where I started noticing things about “Twitter People”…

First off… There are definitely some -aholic’s out there. How do I know this? When I check my page in the evening and there are 487 tweets from @MisterSpankMe or some such… This is on the heels of 1792 tweets from him throughout the day. Okay, so he’s a little busy… But then, when I check it in the morning while having coffee, I log in to find another 3653 tweets from, yeah, you guessed it – @MisterSpankMe… Apparently his “Mistress” is into torture by sleep deprivation, because the dude hasn’t yet been to sleep. What’s more, he’s still tweeting his little heart out. In fact, 15 more tweets show up within the span of time I type “Good Morning All” and hit send.

Well…Actually I never type “Good Morning All”… That’s a little too generic for me. I like to greet the day with something amusing. Usually about coffee. You know, things like:

And when my hand opened the third seal, I heard the bean say come and see. I beheld and lo a black liquid; the name of which was Coffee…

Or…

Coffee is great, coffee is good, let us thank it for our mood…

But then, you all know I can only be serious when A) Writing a book or B) Ummm… Well… I can’t really get into that here…

Still, ya’know, if being a Twitterholic is your thing, more power to you… BTW, I should take this opportunity to point out that I made up  the ID @MisterSpankMe for the purposes of this blog post. If there is someone out there who actually goes by this handle, well, I neither follow him, nor is he following me, so no harm no foul. It’s all kind of one of those “names were changed to protect the addicted” sort of things…

But, this tiny, pale blue bird thing is not all that I’ve noticed. You see, a lot of these folks “follow chickens” even more than me. Yeah… I think maybe they have Twitter Attention Deficit Disorder – or as we like to call it here in the lab, TADD… You know, as in, “@MisterSpankMe is a TADD bit off his game today…” or “That was just a TADD silly, don’t you think, @SillyBastard?” (Yeah, I made up @SillyBastard too. Same disclaimer applies.)

So, anyway, this TADD thing… Those of you who have had any sort of brush with Twitterpation are probably aware of the “@ reply” tag. For those of you who aren’t, it is a process by which you direct your tweet at someone. Yes, you can do a private message, but if you just want to make a comment to someone publicly, as you would at say, a crowded party, you just put an @ symbol followed by the persons handle, then type the message.

I bring this up because I think the @ symbol may well be the source of the infection. You see, folks end up with so many @ replies flying across their screens, all interspersed with the plethora of tweets from @MisterSpankMe, that they end up following a whole coop full of chickens at once.

I’ve only a small amount of experience with it myself, but it seems almost like trying to pat your head and rub your belly at the same time, all while Caleigh dancing, chewing gum, and threading a needle.

Kind of like the epitome of TMI… You just can’t keep up.

Oh well… Maybe it’s just because I’m too old. It could be that this whole Twitter thing is really meant for the youngsters. I guess I’ll stick to my coffee commentaries and blog posts…

Now, if you’ll be so kind to excuse me, @GibsonGirl is @tweeting me about @Framistat posting to #wingnuts #monkeybrains via tweetberry, and she wants me to look at tinyurl/XiPL&/WoyQ because twitterpic is down. And, of all things this is going on while @SkippyHead and @CaptainObvious are adding her to #followfriday and sending me a direct message about it… Can you imangine?

All I know is that I really don’t want to miss my chance to @LOL before the screen is full.

More to come…

Murv

Note: All @names in this post are intended as fictional handles, and are the product of my incredibly warped brain. If someone out there actually uses one of these, well, sorry about that. Fellow “Twits” can follow me at twitter.com/mrsellars. Just try not to follow too closely. I make frequent stops and wide right turns.

And so continues the WillyCon Odyssey, Day 3

The following takes place between 4 AM and 4 PM. Events occur in real time. (Sutherland still not available. His people are supposed to call my people.)

4:12 AM – AWAKE!!

@mrsellars – [looks at time on cell phone] [puts cell phone away] [looks at time on cell phone again…]

@mrsellars – #fuckme

@mrsellars – Ears popping, arthritis in knees killing me.

@mrsellars – [Scratch… Burp… Trudge] [facilities usage]

@mrsellars – [Trudge]

@Television – [Click] …and that’s exactly why you need Super Colon Reamer. After just seven days when you look into the toilet you…

@Television – [Click] …ya’ see. So get your goons outta my way, ya see…

@Television – [Click] …never shave again. Just apply wax and…

@Television – [Click] …watching it develop over Colorado and into the plains states. This area here [visual includes Wayne, NE right in the middle of it] is under a Blizzard Warning with a 90% chance of a foot or more…

@mrsellars – Watch now a warning… #fuckme

@mrsellars – Now I know why my ears are popping and my knees hurt.

@mrsellars – I know I already said it, but it warrants a repeat: #fuckme

7:00 AM

@mrsellars – Walkies…

@Analog_Camera – Click – Flash – Whirrrrrr…

@mrsellars – Walkies…

@Analog_Camera – Click – Flash – Whirrrrrr…

@mrsellars – Walkies…

@Analog_Camera – Click – Flash – Whirrrrrr…

@mrsellars – Walkies…

@Analog_Camera – Click – Flash – Whirrrrrr…

@mrsellars – Apparently Skippy the Squirrel is even more cunning than I first imagined. It would seem he has Internet access and reads my blog.

@mrsellars – Squirrel jerky and snow suit no longer viable options. Fall back to plan B. Make snowsuit out of blankets. Take empty suitcase to student center and steal food from Convention Hospitality Suite.

@mrsellars – Walkies….

@mrsellars – Good morning.

@Con_Registration_1 – Wow, someone who’s actually up at 7 in the morning.

@mrsellars – I’ve actually been up since a little after 4.

@Con_Registration_2 – Nomma himna, ibble.

@Con_Registration_1 – We haven’t gone to bed yet.

@mrsellars – I can see that.

@mrsellars – Where can I get coffee since nothing is open on campus?

@Con_Registration_1 – Umm… Uhhh…

@Con_Registration_2 – We didn’t make coffee.

@Con_Registraton_1 – I can show you where the coffee pot is.

@mrsellars – Please do.

@Con_Registration_1 @mrsellars – Walkies…

@mrsellars – If you turn your back long enough, I’ll just take the coffee pot back to my room (lol).

@Con_Registration_1 – You can’t do that. We have other people who drink coffee at 5 AM.

@mrsellars – Yeah, well I was up at 4.

@Nearby_Faculty_Member – LOL!

@Con_Registration_1 – O_o

@mrsellars – [waiting in line for pancake breakfast]

@Con_Attendee – Oh, hi. [shake hands] It’s nice to meet you. You friended me on Facebook.

@mrsellars – Yeah, not surprised. I’m like that sometimes.

@Con_Attendee – I didn’t get a chance to read any of your works. I’ve been pretty busy.

@mrsellars – [smile] That’s okay. I didn’t get a chance to read any of yours either.

@Con_Attendee – O_o

@mrsellars – Nomming on pancakes, sausage, and hash browns.

@Con_Registration_1 – [nom nom nom] I played Zombies last night.

@mrsellars – Sounds cool.

@Con_Registration_1 – My character was like Rambo. D cubed sigma x squared to the power of knife and then other guy teleported the cube root of 24 divided by the remaining integer three paper saving throw on my turn and there were 7 of them when you solve for x by isolating the variable in the quadratic then I killed 21 of them and…

@mrsellars – O_o

11:00 AM

@mrsellars  – Panel = yak, yak, yak, lol, yak, yak

@mrsellars – Booksigning = yak, sign, yak, sign

@mrsellars – Lunch = nom, nom, nom

@mrsellars – Panel = yak, yak, lol, yak, lol, yak, rofl, yak, yak, yakkity, yak, yakky, yakkity, yak, yak…

@mrsellars – Walkies…

4:00 PM

@mrsellars – Current wind speed 587 miles per hour. Eebil rain now falling sideways. Temperature – Extra Cold. Must check weather on toob.

@Television – Click… Lifts and separates, see…

@Television – Click… not eating paella…

@Television – Click… Insurance policy…

@mrsellars – Why doesn’t this damn thing just stay on the channel where I turned it off?

@Television – Click… Click… Click… Click… Click…

@mrsellars – No change… Western Nebraska has been annihilated… Now it’s coming for us.

@mrsellars – Time to implement  emergency survival plan. Good thing I brought MRE peanut butter and crackers in my luggage.

More to come…

Murv