BRAINPAN LEAKAGE

Mark your calendars. Two posts in two days, all while being in the “random post whenever” state of mind.

In any case, nothing truly special from me this time. What you are about to read was penned by someone else. Yes, a blog comment spammer. I am posting it as a blog entry only because it is so convoluted and weird that I thought everyone should have the opportunity to enjoy it as much as me – or be disturbed by it as much as me – and simply approving the comment on a better than year old post wouldn’t have allowed it to bubble to the surface.

You can thank me later.

And so, here you have it. Some pretty bizarre spam on a stick. I give it an A+ for originality…

(IP, etc redacted to avoid spammer linkage)

Author : google search (IP: XX.XX.XX.XX , XX.XX.XX.XX.xxxx.xx.xx.xxxxxxx.xxxxxxx.xxx.xx)
E-mail : Undercoffler@xxxxxxxxxxxxxxx.yyy
URL    : http://yyy.yyyyyy.yyy
Whois  : http://whois.arin.net/rest/ip/XX.XXX.XX.XX

Comment:

My son, 24, had sexual contact with three girls when in high school. He went on to college at St cloud state Mn for special ed teacher. He broke off the relationship with the girl friend when he was in college as the distance wouldn’t allow for a “real” relationship to survive. In his second yr. he was able to student teach and chose to live at home and teach at his old high school where his ex-girlfriend wasa senior. She talked how she had sex with that teacher and of course, social services got invovled. He was represented by John Shiro in Fond du Lac co. court and pled no contest or else guilty and was sentenced to 9 months jail and five years probation. Certainly a fair sentence in my opinion. He recognizes that he has no more career inteaching but has been put in a virtual hold on life by his probation officer. He has been unable to hold a job or accept jobs because there might be minors around, unable to attend church, unable to go to his grandmothers for a X-mas meal with family,and was not allowed to go to AA meetings in an attempt to stay sober. In his first year on probation he went to Mn. fora fishing trip and drank beer, a violation. He was offered an ATR for alchohol and it worked, but he feels he needs the support group of AA. This is being denied by his PO. He was ordered not to see his fiance in Dec, she is 21 or 22 , but he ignored that rule feeling that it was a violation of his civil rights. I don’t know the role or guidelines a PO can put on an individual, but we feel that he has been unfairly treated over the past two years by her. He wrote a greivance letter to her supervisor in Nov. and has not gotten a response. His Po has a nephew who at the age of 18 molested a 13 yr old girl, got probation, and reoffended a year later with a 14 yr old. He was convicted and sent to prison. We ( my family ) feel that this has affected her emotionally and sees that all deserve the same treatment. This is long, and I apologize, but the bottomline is that my son seems to have gien up all hope on a future of any sort, and is wondering if he should consider a motion hearing or sentence modification. He has faced no new charges but now faces six to ten parole violations. One is seeing his girlfriend, another is that he had a grocery receipt for a bottle of wine in his car. This was a last minuteX-mas gift from his girlfrind to us. We still have it in fact. I am sure he will face revocation with just one year left of his five yr probation term so my son feels like he needs to do something proactive. A friend of mine is Washington CO. DA, Todd Martens. He said in the beginning to contact you like five years ago but unfortunately you were out of town and I was too nervous or frantic and contacted Shiro. Don’t know what to do to help out my son but don’t see that the punishment fits the crime and not real sure of what a PO’s job really is.Any suggestions and if you are interested, any estimate. This PO also had issues with Dr prescribed meds. My list seems endless and we thought we could hold out to the end of probation, but nowit doesn’t appear so. One last thing, I deer hunt with Todd and have not shared these issues with him. But if you see him, I am known as minnow mike. Thank you for your time.

Damn me for being out of town… And “Minnow Mike”? If  “D.A. Todd” didn’t know before, I guess he does now, what with us knowing each other and all, I have to assume he reads my blog…

Until the next time, stay frosty and don’t let any of “teh stupid” get on ya…

M

Or: How Michele Bachmann Got Me Into Trouble With My Wife

I’m not a Michele Bachmann fan. Personally, I think the woman is off her rocker, but I am stating that as my opinion based upon her rhetoric. I’ve never met her – nor do I want to meet her – and moreover, I am not a clinical head-shrinker, so I’m not academically qualified to diagnose her as a nutjob. That said, (being a disclaimer and all, you understand) I’m relatively certain her elevator stops somewhere in between the first and second floor.

All good. I’m not about to begrudge her the right to run off at the mouth. However, as I’ve always stated, other people’s rights end where mine begin, and now Michele has directly affected said rights. How? She got me in trouble with The Evil Redhead.

For this to make sense, I need to give you a bit of info. You see, there is a routine here at E K Central. Each morning I wake up at oh-dark-thirty, start the coffee, visit the “Little Merp’s Room,” then install a 45 minute back massage on The Redhead. Trust me, if she doesn’t get her back massage in the morning, there’s hell to pay. After that, I proceed to get breakfast ready, answer email, prep EKay’s lunch, clean litter boxes, and on, and on. Somewhere in there, I take the o-spring to school, get my daily walk in, then return home in time to refill my coffee, bow and scrape to The Redhead, and then walk her out to her vehicle. It’s not that she needs an escort; it’s that she needs a pack mule. Yes, I “carry her books” for her (that’s a metaphor. I carry her lunch, extra shoes, and other stuff. Although, sometimes there are books, too.)

It’s at this juncture where her supreme evilness imparts upon me the instructions for the day. You know, stuff like, “Pick up my dry cleaning, polish all of my shoes, paint the house, build me a gazebo, make sure you prepare Beef Wellington for dinner tonight, and my vodka & tonic was too weak yesterday so if you don’t do better this evening there will be hell to pay. “

See what I mean? Normal stuff.

What does this have to do with Michele Bachmann, you ask? I’m getting to that.

On Friday morning, following standard procedure, I walked E K to her vehicle, loaded her lunch, stood still while she slapped me around, replied with, “Thank you, Mistress, may I have another?!” just as I am supposed to do, and all was good. Among her daily instructions to me was the following: Water the Basil and Oregano on the porch.

Easy enough, even for me, right? Well, not so much…

After seeing off Her Worship, I went back into the house on a mission to fill the watering can and tend to her herb garden. As I entered the door, The Early Show was blaring from the idiot box. On the screen was one of the co-hosts, and Michele Bachmann. From the speakers I heard, “Inducements inducing people to break the law to be induced to get the inducements that they were induced to be induced by, for the purpose of inducing…”

Okay… Yeah… So that is definitely NOT a direct quote. Here’s the real one:

“We’re inducing more people to break the law by giving them inducements and if someone comes into this state, they can subsequently also obtain other benefits on occasion as well,” she continued. “So we don’t want to have any inducements that will be a magnet to induce more people to come into the united states illegally.”

Even so, my overarching point here is that Michele Bachmann was flinging a ten-dollar word out there, in its various forms, multiple times in the same sentence.

I make my living with words. I notice shit like this. Especially when someone overuses the living crap out of a word. I mean, grammatically it’s never a stellar idea to use a word multiple times in a single sentence unless it’s an article or a preposition or a conjunction or something of that ilk. Know what I mean? It’s sort of like the old rule about not using a word in its own definition.

So… How did this get me in trouble?

Again, that’s easy – Inducement-gate was like a big train wreck to my ears. I stood there staring at the screen, drooling (because I was being mind-numbed), and I just couldn’t look away or tune it out. I’m sure plenty of folks are thinking, “Doooood. You’re making too big a deal out of it.”

Well no, not really. I’m not saying she should take a long walk off a short pier because of Inducement-gate (there are plenty of other reasons why I think she should do that.) However, as I said above, words are how I make my living, so a verbal train wreck like that was bound to make me go all googly-eyed.

And so, with my eyes goggled up, and my brain severely numbed, I completely forgot to water The Supreme Redhead’s herb garden – a fact that dawned on me Friday evening as I was paying daily homage to Her Worship by removing the lint from her sweater with a single three-inch strip of 15 year old generic cellophane tape, just like she’d told me to do. I guess I was still a little brain-numbed too, because instead of just going and watering the damn plants, I said with my out loud voice, “Oh crap, I forgot to water your herb garden!”

The doctor says I’ll be good as new in a few weeks if I just take it easy. He also suggested that I avoid exposure to Michele Bachmann.

I wonder if I should send HER the medical bill, or just forward it on to the GOP?

More to come…

Murv