BRAINPAN LEAKAGE

I was going to call this “It’s Just An Egg Sandwich…”, but then I had one of those moments of inspiration. Either that, or gas, I’m not sure which. In any event, I’m hoping Kurt Vonnegut will forgive me for throwing down some massa-cree on his title. After all, I did use the short version*. That should count for something.

So it goes**… Why was I going to call this entry “It’s Just An Egg Sandwich…”? Well, that’s fairly simple, actually. Mostly because I happened upon the idea of writing it while I was in the middle of fixing myself an egg sammich… On whole wheat… With cheese… And ‘mater. Kinda makes you hungry, eh?

So it goes…  The whole egg sammich thing was one of those, “Oh yeah, that again… maybe I should write about it,” moments. You know, sort of like Deja Vu, but not. Mostly because I don’t allow my deja to be vued.  It’s way too personal.

So it goes… I was standing there fixing myself an egg sammich when it suddenly dawned on me that at some unknown point in the future I would be doing something equally mundane, but that I would just as suddenly flash on the fact that I had once been standing there fixing myself an egg sammich and thinking about the fact that at some unknown point in the future I would be thinking about this moment in time and wondering where all the time that was in between had gotten off to; whereupon I would then think about the fact that I was standing there fixing myself an egg sammich and… Well… I think you get the idea.

And why did I suddenly flash on all that? Well, because in the instant prior to that flash there had been another flash. Not the expose yourself kind, mind you… Although, in a way I suppose it was. Nope… This was another of those flashes in the brainpan.

So it goes… I was standing there fixing myself an egg sammich and thinking about the fact that at some unknown point in the future I would be doing something equally mundane, but that I would just as suddenly flash on the fact that I had once been standing there fixing myself an egg sammich and thinking about the fact that at some unknown point in the future I would be thinking about this moment in time and wondering where all the time that was in between had gotten off to, because I had just flashed on something I had done in the past that was equally mundane while having the very same sort of thought…

And… So it goes… My world falls in upon itself like a shattered mirror, reflecting back what was, what is, and what will be.

Maybe I should change my name to Billy Pilgrim… But then I’d have to get killed by a gullible moron – of course, that’s Kurt’s story, not mine…

I think maybe I should just keep writing. It seems Kurt and I have a lot in common where style and satire are concerned. Hell, we both even have critics that hate us because we don’t follow their rules, and you know what? That suits me just fine… I bet it did Kurt, too. I’ll ask him when I get to the other side. I suspect that is a ways off yet, however, I’m willing to bet I’ll by lying there in my bed thinking about the time I was fixing myself an egg sammich and flashing on the thought that I would one day be doing…

So it goes…

More to come…

Murv

* The actual full title of Slaughterhouse Five is: Slaughterhouse-Five, or The Children’s Crusade: A Duty Dance with Death.

** “So it goes” is a commonly repeated expression employed by Vonnegut in the book, Slaughterhouse Five.

Apologies to Thomas Dolby for borrowing the phrase, “Aliens Ate My Buick…” and then mucking about with it. (Fantastic CD, BTW…)

I know The Supreme Redhead is a conundrum. I accept this. After 25 plus years together, I’ve pretty much grown used to it. However, I’m pretty sure that this time she’s been abducted by aliens and replaced by an equally hot, equally evil, but not quite the same fembot.

You see, for 25 plus years, Her Supreme Evilness, THE E K, has been a fan of Ham and Swiss. That was her thing. Now, of course, when she decided she wanted to be a little more food healthy she switched to Turkey and Swiss. No big deal. She was still doing the whole Blank and Swiss thing, be it Turkey, or the occasional Ham. Since I prepare her lunch each day – usually a smoked turkey (or occasionally ham) and Swiss with Portobello mushroom and various other veggies in a whole wheat wrap – I tend to ask her if she’d like something different. Every now and then it’s Tuna Salad, Egg Salad, or my signature Curried Chicken/Turkey Salad. Sometimes it’s just straight veggies, or even some leftover Vegetable Korma in a wrap.

HOWEVER, when it comes to the lunch meat and cheese combo, it’s always Turkey or Ham and Swiss.  Do not deviate under threat of pain, or even a stiletto heel through the temple.

Okay… I get that. I like consistency too.

So imagine my surprise, shock, and outright horror when, while grocery shopping this past weekend, without prompting from me, or anyone else, she picked out Pastrami and Muenster for her daily lunch wraps.  Especially since I had suggested Pastrami several times in the past, only to be told, “I… Don’t… Like… Pastrami… Lackey! Now, just for that get down on the floor and give me twenty!”

Twenty “whats” I’m never quite sure, which then results in a healthy beating, but that’s just life with THE Redhead.

Yeah… She’s having Pastrami and Muenster today… Well, I guess I should say Evil Alien Fembot E K is having Pastrami and Muenster today. I don’t know what actual, real live Evil E K is having.

I do, however, suspect that the aliens are regretting their decision and will be returning her shortly. Wonder what they’ll give me to take her back?

Aww, who am I kidding? She’s probably already declared herself their Queen and has them all chained up in the dungeon.

More to come…

Murv