" /> BRAINPAN LEAKAGE » Now That’s A Knife…
  • Now That’s A Knife…

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    There are certain rules around our house…

    I will meet E K at the door with her drink…

    I will have dinner on the table no later than 30 minutes after E K arrives home…

    I will spit shine all of EKay’s shoes on a daily basis…

    I will do whatever E K tells me to do…

    Sense a pattern there? Yeah, me too.  But the consequences for non-compliance with said rules are pretty harsh, so I just live with them. There are some other rules, of course. Most of them involve something I have to do in order to please The Evil One and keep her from taking me downstairs into her “play room” – which reminds me, I’m supposed to hose it down today after I drop her Stryker Saw off at the shop. I just hope she didn’t leave anyone down there. The trash truck doesn’t run for another couple of days yet…

    There is, however, a rule that doesn’t directly involve E K… Well, sorta… I mean, the results of the rule compliance directly involve E K – as well as allow me to comply with the other rules of the house… But the actual rule is more along the line of – The Kitchen is MY domain, leave my stuff alone.

    Surprisingly, E K generally works within the boundaries of that rule. Largely, I think, because she hates to cook, but likes to eat.

    Because of this, it was a great surprise to me when I walked around the corner the other night and found her torturing a houseplant. I know, I know… Whiplash moment there, but trust me, there’s a connection. She was torturing the houseplant with one of my kitchen knives.

    You see, we have this yucca plant… We’ve had this plant for something on the order of forever. Seriously. I’m pretty sure we had it when we moved into together. It has been through some serious trials and tribulations – namely countless plant chewing felines. During the summer it lives on our front porch, soaking up the sunshine and Saint Louis humidity, mostly safe from cats with plant fetishes. During that period of months the yucca goes crazy, sort of like it is making up for the rest of the year when it’s in fear for its life. By the time Autumn rolls around, and the first frost is upon us, the yucca looks a little… well… yucky.

    And so, the temperature was forecast to plummet the other night, and plummet it did. Before it fell too far though, E K, in all her regalness, invoked her prime directive – that being the rule saying I have to do whatever she says.

    “Lackey!” she demanded. “Go bring in the plants.”

    Little did I know that in rescuing the yucky yucca from the cold, I was merely delivering it into the hands of a deranged redhead with a topiary affliction. Unfortunately for both of us – the plant and me – she didn’t have her pruning shears handy, so she headed straight for the knife block on the kitchen counter.

    Of course, I suppose I should look upon the incident as an opportunity, because I learned something that evening.  Never mention the rules to an evil redhead who is holding a large, serrated bread knife in one hand and the hacked up limb of a defenseless yucca plant in the other.

    We have a Ficus too, but it’s a little tougher than the Yucca. I think while she’s at work I’ll go hide my electric knives, otherwise they might end up dulled and it’ll be a little tough carving the turkey at Thanksgiving this year.

    More to come…

    Murv

    • The people in my house are forever using my kitchen knives for purposes for which they were never intended. Cutting up boxes. Opening mail. Prying bits loose from other bits. As a consequence, I have a large assortment of damaged knives.

      The oddest thing is, someone bought me a (marvelous chef”s) knife for Yule last year. You would think that now that they know the price of good cutlery, they would stop frakking with my knives.

      Not even.

      Fortunately, I have my own part-time lackey who can sharpen them for me on a regular basis.

      I swear I’m going to wrap up all my broken-tipped paring knives and give them as a housewarming gift to my O-spring when he finally moves into his own place.

    • Nobody in this house touches my knives but me.

    • Honey, that is YOUR problem. However, when you come for a visit, she MAY NOT touch the knives in my kitchen – at least not without proper supervision.

    • Wwhy is it that only serios cooks understand about knives?

    • I can see that I am going to need to re-learn to touch type on an IPad. Sigh. Ain’t technology grand. SerioUs cooks. Why with one h. Sorry.

      • Ahhh, okay. The two W’s I got… But that non-existent extra H threw me for a loop. ;-P LOL!

        I was actually listening to a podcast earlier this morning and they were doing a review of the iPad as it relates to being a tool FOR writers. As opposed to readers, which is how it’s been touted (ebook apps, etc)…

        The keyboard thing was a primary issue. They said it worked great of the hunt & peck types (who, oddly enough, they claimed were NORMAL) but not so well for touch typists (yes, they called us ABNORMAL)… UNLESS one purchased a bluetooth keyboard, then you were all good.

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